Deactivation Adventure: Summary

Last night I bit the bullet and reactivated Facebook. I'd made it just about two weeks (I say this to make myself feel better about not having been able to make it even two full weeks. But since I was only some hours shy of the 14 Day marker, I'm calling it like it is, "just about" two weeks), and was feeling pretty anxious to get back on it and drop some lines of love to some friends I've been missing loving on.

Interestingly enough, in the book I'm blowing through right now, Choose Yourself, by James Altucher (which I HIGHLY recommend reading, and will do a review of when I finish it later today), he even talks about Facebook being a good thing for us (weird, right?). In his chapter, How to Release the God Hormone, he is listing off different ways that we can release oxytocin (aka the happy chemical) in different ways that don't involve sex or child birth (proven to work for men or women). One of the things he says is, to release oxytocin in a nonsexual way, go on Facebook. Why does he say this? Why should we use Facebook to help release oxytocin? Well, I'll let his words explain it best...

I like to browse my Facebook time line and occasionally "Like" a photograph posted by a random friend from thirty years ago. I would never in a million years call that friend and say, "That was a real cute photo of your baby that you posted." But liking the photo is my way of connecting with someone that I felt close to at some point in my life [...] Guess what? Turns out, using social media in this way releases oxytocin. 

This is pretty much what I was talking about in this post here, where I discuss the fact that I appeared, to myself, to be more egotistical and self-centered at some point during My Deactivation Adventure, because of exactly that. I always "Like" and share positive content, so taking that outlet away, where was I to direct it? (And please don't answer, "The people around you," because yes, I'm aware of that, and putting it into practice as well. But this is a different kind of love.) And that's what I was craving last night.

I felt so amazing, so good, so full of love, and I wanted to share it. So I signed back in, which turns out is all it takes to reactivate, sent some sweet messages dripping in that good, gooey love (not that gross stuff you're thinking of), and that was that. Well, that was almost that. I also had a slight "panic attack" when I saw a post from someone, which brought back all the obsessive, desperate feelings I was feeling before I deactivated. Then I laid in bed, trying to fall asleep, feeling this intensity inside me, and also feeling like a crazy-freakazoid-stalker with an abundance of issues, who'd just throw out two weeks of self-work in an instant. I think it was just the first reaction from having logged back in. Some sort of a panic of, "What will happen now? Where does all this stand?" Today, I'm fine, and there's no signs of stalking. :)

Overall, My Deactivation Adventure proved to provide everything I was hoping it would -- an opportunity to work on myself, become in love with myself again (though a slight bout of egotism wasn't what I had in mind), and re-center myself around the one and only thing I want to be revolving around in this life on Earth: G O D.

(( Kind of how I'm feeling these days... MAGICAL ))

Have a happy, happy Tuesday! There's a lot to be grateful for!

This morning, before I got out of bed to even pee, I opened my journal and wrote a list of 20 things to be grateful for in the moment. Could have easily reached 100, but I was pressed on time.
Try it, and see which way your day goes!

Blessings, Love & Light to All

<3

Deactivation Adventure: Days Ten to Thirteen

Considering that I logged back into Instagram yesterday and it told me my last post was two weeks ago, I assumed I'd been logged out and deactivated for two weeks. So, you can imagine my surprise when I just counted out the days, and realized today is only day 13 of My Deactivation Adventure. But it makes perfect sense that I would notice this and decide to write an update again, on Day 13. Thirteen has always been my number.

In all the sports I've ever played that required each player to have their own number (four in all), my number always ended up being 13. I didn't even realize this, until I had already been sporting the number in both volleyball and basketball for a season or two, then made it a point to always have 13 when it was time to pick numbers. There was one season of water polo at uni that I wasn't #13, and that's because it "belonged" to an older girl. So I had to wait out her graduation before I could reclaim my fame as #13. (How horrible is it, that now hashtags are so effing popular, I can't even write anthing with a number sign in front of it, without thinking I'm hashtagging something!? At least spell check doesn't recognize this word as being spelled correctly, yet. Yet. At least...)

I have been noticing a lot of little "coincidences" like this within the last week -- little signs or signals that I'm on the right track, things I think about and then they appear, number sequences that tell me something, or little things that match up. Right now, with the number 13, and then another strange one that happened to me on Saturday night...

On Thursday or Friday, I'd been thinking about a film. I was pretty sure I was mixing up two different films, but either way, I had a desire to watch it. Then, on Saturday night when I got home, my roommate was watching TV, and he flipped to a channel, and what do you know? The film, "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo," the one I'd been thinking about, was on and had only started 15 minutes before! (I did figure out through watching it I definitely was blending two films, and still have no idea what the other is, but it was TGWTDT I'd really been wanting to see.)

There was another thing incredibly similar to this that happened to me just a day or two before, though now I am at a loss for what it was. However, these little manifestations have been appearing and happening with great frequency in the last week, and I think it's because I have been working on healing my mind!

Yesterday I touched on the difficult time I've been having in one of my jobs. Now, I know that the mind is our most powerful tool in life, so I've known that I hold all the power I need to make this situation better: the power of thought. But I've been having a really hard time overcoming it, since the source of "negativity" is something I have to face at least twice a week. It definitely makes it harder to overcome something when it's constant, because you have very little time in between experiences to get your mind straight. But it must be done.

As I said yesterday, I am in my final three months here in Southern Spain, in these jobs, and in this chapter of Life Abroad, and I want to finish them well -- full of love and light, living up to my purpose of sharing it. In order to do that, I have got to get my mind right, and start putting out thoughts of love to all those who are making it hard for me to exhibit it. This is a choice I finally, forcefully made last week, and since....the manifestations have started to appear again.

It used to happen to me all the time, I could think about something I was in the mood for in one instant, and within a couple days, somehow it would come to me. Like with the film this weekend. But it's been a while since instant manifestations have occurred, and I'm certain this is a sign I'm on the right track, and going to see beautiful results over the next days, weeks, and final months. (Yay!)

I'm not saying that all of this is because I deactivated my Facebook and took a break from social media, but I do think it's played a HUGE part in getting my mind right.

Before, I was not centered around God at all, because when you're in love, you tend to revolve around the person who has captured your attention. This is beautiful, but it's not really that healthy. It's never good to put that much of ourselves into another person, or place such an expectation on them (to return what we feel/give), because they are a human, and they can never meet it. I don't say this to discredit people or say they can't be enough. What I'm saying is that I had reached a point of giving so much to another person, and wanting all I was giving and more in return, and no one but God can give me all the fulfillment, attention or love I need. It's just how He designed us -- dependent and empty, only able to be properly filled by Him. So while it's taken me really deciding to get my mind in check to make these changes, I know that I probably wouldn't have been so capable had I kept my social media active. Facebook had become a source of desperation, need, and somewhere I was going to try and find fulfillment that it could never, ever, ever provide. Deactivating was definitely the right thing for me to do.

I think I'll reactivate it sometime between this evening and Wednesday afternoon, but haven't really decided. There are some messages I'm anxious to send (since my mobile is generally without credit, I can't respond to a couple texts, and I don't want to leave them in limbo), and I feel so bursting with love, I want to share it with everyone. (I know it seems strange that I would turn to Facebook to share this love, instead of the people around me, but I plan to do both. I will channel this love into the lives of my students, but also, I have a lot of great friends I'm connected to on Facebook, and I love making a big post proclaiming love that can reach them all at once. It feels amazing to release love and admiration for others, then see the "like," which I take as a symbol that it's been received and internalized.)

So that's what's going on on this end! How are you doing on yours?
Feeling good, strong and capable of handling all that's to come? I hope so!

I wish you all the happiest of weeks, and hope that you do something good for yourself today, and every day!

Blessings, Love & Light

<3