Deactivation Adventure: Days Six to Nine

I stopped doing daily reports on how My Deactivation Adventure was going, because it seems redundant to keep saying, "My health is improving slowly, but I'm still a bit sick, and I still really want to be able to go waste time on Facebook." Therefore, I took a break, and decided to write about some other stuff. But now I'm back to do a little update, since almost five more days have passed from the last little log.

I continue to miss Facebook 0%, but do still find myself wanting to go on it when I don't feel like doing any of the things I should do, or just want to kill a bit of time on the computer. However, whilst this may be what I'd really like to do, I press onward, happy as a clam without it, and though sometimes a little annoyed I can't, the feeling is fleeting, and I'm left turning to other, more productive things. Actually, I'm much happier this way.

Not enough days have passed without Facebook for me to forget about it entirely, and knowing I plan to reactivate it soon definitely doesn't help me "just forget about it". These factors considered, I'm not sure if this experiment will yield all the affects I want it to, but I could see how it would if this deactivation were to be for an extended period of time. Knowing this, I will likely give it a shot when my birthday has passed. Or, to be honest, the longer I go without it, and the closer the day approaches, the more I want to just skip right through my birthday comment blunder, and humble myself with some continued deactivation. (This being a result of the personal appreciation and love I'm gaining through not having Facebook to assist me in my self-assessment/daily judgement sessions. I find that I care less about seeing how many beautiful birthday notifications I get, because I am becoming more satisfied with myself in general, and therefore need the validation from/of others less. Which is awesome, because it was the intention! But I am starting to wonder if I'm becoming slightly more egotistical. To be discussed later...)

If I were planning to just leave my profile deactivated, not indefinitely, but nearly, I think it would free up a lot of mental space. I enjoy scrolling through the Newsfeed, popping open endless tabs of new photo montages, lists, articles, and trippy videos to sift through as much as the next person, but does that content actually enhance my life? Does it contribute any greatness that I could not otherwise achieve? I don't really think so. Because, while I may learn some things, a lot of it is simply reading for the sake of being up to date on the topic, and since I'm in the business of trying to live a passion-filled life, much of it is just a way to participate in conversations I don't really care about having in the first place. (No, I do not agree that by choosing to not watch the news I am choosing to be ignorant, just as little as I agree that I am choosing to be stupid and close-minded by focusing myself on absorbing things of interest. I am here to maximize life, and that means dedicating myself to my passions, not trying to fit into any group or society.)

So, in the end, this thing I thought I couldn't survive or stay connected without, isn't sending me into a panic attack about losing all my friends, or causing me to fear my family has no idea what's going on in my life, nor any of the other irrational things I could have anticipated upon deactivation. In fact, a few friends have already reached out via email or on the phone, because they wanted to send me a message but couldn't find me. Now these are the friends I'd like to keep around -- the ones who notice they can't get a hold of me with the quick, simple, ease of dropping a message on Facebook while they happen to be on the site, and actually make the effort to contact me in another way. The ones who want it badly enough, they're willing to work a slight bit more to make it happen.

Before, I wondered how I'd keep in touch with many of my friends without Facebook, since it's our main means of communicating. Well, now I see how, and now I do agree that the friends who you're meant to have, will be in your life with or without this Socially [Dis]Connecting Site no matter what. Yes, I can absolutely say, I'm a fan of the deactivation!

Give it a try if you so dare to, I promise it'll be quite revealing. ;-)

Sending love and light to you all, and wishing you a very blessed day!

<3

Deactivation Adventure: Day Four

I almost didn't write anything today, because I don't feel that much has changed since yesterday. I still think about going on Facebook when I "have nothing else to do," and especially since I spent today at home healing, it would have been nice to have it to fall back on to kill the time.

However, I am grateful I couldn't. Because, instead of wasting three hours on Facebook or posting things on Instagram, I watched two sermons from Elevation, saw Special Forces in French with Spanish subtitles, therefore practicing my Spanish and French (for the day I actually begin to seriously study it), which resulted in a MASSIVE crying fest, and ended with me begging God to help the world, and asking Him why people do such things to other humans (it was a really good film, in my opinion, and probably blended with my I'm-Sick-and-This-Is-the-First-Day-of-My-Period emotions perfectly), and then some girlfriends came over so I could paint their faces for Carnaval. Which I was supposed to go out and celebrate with them, but bailed out because of my health/the wind/the fact I don't like drinking outside with massive crowds of people. So here I am, writing to you all, and potentially sounding far more pathetic than I intended to. I'm happy, that's what counts. :)

I wouldn't say the urge to go on Facebook is less than yesterday, but definitely less than last night when I was pretty much shouting it to myself comically. There is nothing I miss about it, other than it's ability to fill the time when I want to be occupied, but not really do anything useful. And of course, the lingering curiosity to know how many notifications there are there. Although, since it's deactivated, people can't even access me. Hmm.. wow, this adds a whole new level of relaxation to it all!

Now, knowing that the notifications aren't building up, I am even less interested to go on it. I know there are none, so it's not as though I'm missing out on anything by not checking it. This is great! A whole nother bit of weight has just been lifted off! Kind of like the moment you go on holiday, and then it really hits you: you have no where to be, nothing to do, and are totally free to flow how you want to, until it's over! Ahhh, what a nice sense of relief!

This just keeps getting better and better! ;-)

Carnaval in Las Palmas Gran, Canaria, 2010

Blessings, Love & Light to you all

I adore you

<3

Deactivation Adventure: Day Three, Part Two

This morning I wasn't even thinking about Facebook, and didn't have any interest in going on it. Well, now it's night, and that has changed.

I think it's because all morning/afternoon I was doing stuff around the house, off the computer, and not "where Facebook can be found" (I have long since deleted it from my mobile). But now that I've been doing things on the computer for the last couple hours, I've run out of things to look into for my future trips, and it's time to study a bit, I just keep saying, "I want to go on Facebook."

I've known for a long time that it was a page I would use to kill time and procrastinate, and now I am so glad I have eliminated the option for myself. It forces me to get over my procrastination faster, and on with the things I should do.

So thank you, Allison, for forcing yourself into higher levels of productivity. >.<

I love you, no matter what. (And I'm actually really glad we're doing this.)

<3

Deactivation Adventure: Day Two

So naturally, since I've started to heal my mind, everything else is falling back into place, even though physically I'm deteriorating; with clouds and cobwebs in my chest and an incredibly sore throat. But that being the case, since now I'm feeling right as rain about myself and have my normal confidence level's coming back, I thought, "How silly to have deactivated my Facebook over all this. It was always my problem, of course, and now it seems so ridiculous to have taken it 'to the extreme' like I did. I feel completely better already, so maybe, I'll just reactivate and get on with a socially interactive online life!"

NO.

I may be feeling way better already mentally, but I know that this is probably just Satan trying to get me to go back to social media sooner than I'm really ready to. It happens this way a lot when we make a decision about something that we think/know will be better for us in the end -- we have our first 24 hours of success, start to feel stronger or "completely healed," and then think, "Hey, yeah, I can handle that. No problem! Let's just go right back to what was contributing to our unhealthy state," .................less than two days ago.

I mean, come on! Where's the logic in that? We may feeeel clear-minded and bright-eyed, but honey, I'm pretty sure that whatever it was that was getting you so down and messing you up so much can't be cured in just a day. That first day is just the beginning, so if you stop now and just go back into the old ways thinking that your "new mind" will take you through the same stuff as before but better, you are slightly twisted in your thinking.

That'd be like a drug addict stopping for one day, feeling like, "YES, I can! I am!" and then deciding to go to a party with all their old friends who do drugs, because THEY feel strong enough to say no. Not going to happen. (Take it from someone who has been trrrrying to quit smoking weed for the last five years, and has hardly liked it at all in the last nearly-12 years they've been doing it. Doesn't matter how many months I'm off the crap, I get around certain friends, those old habits kick back in, and before I know it, I'm sitting on the couch thinking, "Gosh dang it. Why did I smoke? I don't even like it! Ok, this is definitely the last time I'm smoking. The final test has been taken. I keep trying it, hoping I'll like it and it'll do something good for me, but nope... always the same. I. Am. Done!" ...till the next day the whatever-it-is gets passed my way, and I'm right back to that mental game of Foosball. [But hey! Proud to say I haven't smoked in almost two months, and that I truly am through with that not-serving-my-higher-self-or-purpose-stuff!!! Friends, please don't even try to pass it to me. I'm out!]) And that is exactly what is happening now with Facebook.

I was told I could go home when I showed up to work this morning, because I think I probably look about as bad as my throat/chest feels, so after finishing watching an AMAZINGLY PERFECTLY ALIGNED sermon at Elevation, the first class of my online Food, Nutrition, and Health course (open2study is a free, online resource full of cool courses to take!), and a ridiculous amount of BuzzFeed videos on YouTube, I decided to take a nap. You know what I dreamt about during my nap? I couldn't believe it when I woke up and remembered, and was freaking out in my dream when I had completed the act entirely unconsciously...

I dreamed I went on Facebook. 

My gosh, talk about shame! Yes. Yes, yes, I actually was dreaming I just signed on Facebook, was commenting on stuff, liking things, I had two notifications, and then, when I was clicking out of the page, I remembered, "Oh my gosh, I deactivated my account! That was just yesterday! I didn't even make it one day before I went on without thinking twice about it! How could I not realize that till now??" And so began again my thoughts of, "Maybe I should just stay activated now."

I can't wait to step into my 26th year of life on Earth after this 2 1/2 weeks break from all the input. And you know what I'm realizing? How many flipping times a day I would just go over to Facebook, because I was already on the computer, and didn't know what else to do. Now, I'm writing more on my blog, something I've been wanting to for the last three years, and I think, pretty soon, I'll start using the time to practice the banjo, juggling, poi-ing, and Italian! Awww yeah, this Deactivated Adventure is the one for me! ;-)

Love you all

Shine bright

Shine strong

Smile often

Live long

<3