An Alternative Reaction, A Conscious Response

It's funny, because when we're growing up, I think we often tend to think that we're more mature than our age, or at least, more mature than we think we should be/really are. I spent a lot of years thinking I was more mature than a lot of people my age, partly in due to the fact others told me so, and partly due to the fact it's nearly impossible for us to view ourselves as we really are. So when I felt like I was sooo mature, I was actually just living, breathing, and being a typical ____-year older. Which makes me feel like I shouldn't even be writing this post, since I know I'm not anywhere near as mature as I'll finish being, but, in lieu of certain current events, I definitely am aware of what maturity is really like, as well as what life is like when you're living in constant communication/reliance on Christ.

For example, my beauty and I just got finished being totally screwed over and played by someone I used to live with. I'm not going to get into details, but let's just say, he pulled a fast one on us, in truly professional style.

Now, I think that had this been some years ago, or, because I'm an incredibly varying person depending on the moment, perhaps even just a few days ago when I was in a really negative space, my reaction to this situation would have been very, very different than it has been. There would have been a time where I would have started stalking down different people he knows, trying to get angry and/or cryptic messages to him any way I could, searching the town high and low for the shop his mom owns to tell her what he's done and try to get her to pay for it or contact him, and saying all the right things to cause a worse hurt than the one that he's inflicted (hello, I'm a woman, we are experts at knowing exactly what to say to completely destroy a person on an emotional/mental level, generally surpassing, by far, the level of hurt originally inflicted by the other party involved). But right now, in the moment, instead I chose to pray.

I know I'm probably losing or have lost some of you by this point, but honestly, after I was able to collect myself and get my jaw to come up off the floor and close, I decided I needed to pray for his soul, and those of the brothers and sisters out there like him. This was/is my prayer:

I pray for all those {{ brothers && sisters }} who steal, the ones who cheat each other. The ones who struggle so much, the overflow falls on upon those that are around. I pray for the ones who lie, the ones that hurt because they're hurting, and the ones who think that short cuts and quick pay are the only way. I pray that they realize their worth, and learn the easy way, what the results of their actions are, instead of the hard. I pray they can escape the hustle and flow of taking what they can when they've got a chance, and aspire to consciously do more for themselves and our kind. I pray that they Be Blessed, in spite of it all. B/c the hardest ones to love, are those that need it most, and can come out shining the brightest.

I can promise you, if I didn't have all my cards stacked in God's favor, there's no way in Hades I'd be praying for this guy or any of the others out there like him to be blessed. I'd be throwing down swear words and trying to muster up some spells to send his way like the witch I sometimes pretended to be. If I didn't have full faith in God, and know that the only one who's really going to suffer is the one who does some unconscious, cruel thing against one of his brothers or sisters, this would be an entirely different ball game. And I'd be throwing fast pitches straight at some skulls.

It's still really hard for me to believe that this is what's happened, but I might be even more surprised by my honest desire for him to be blessed and feel love, and the sadness I feel for the situation as a whole. Agitation is underlying, but when I really think about it, that's not what I feel, and it's certainly not what I'm choosing to embrace or expel.

This is a lesson learned, and if the main thing I get out of it, is to love right on through the tough stuff, then you know what? It's not such a bad one! I know I am a good person, and I will continue to be one. And because I believe this, I know that only blessings and beauty can come in whatever it might be. I just wish that more people realized the good in them, and didn't succumb to the hopelessness that seems to surround and consume them.

Please, if you're out there are you think the only way to live is to hustle, or that since you've been doing it so long, there's no way to stop, get out, get "good," please, I beg you to know that's not true. The Lord loves you so much, no matter what you've done, and there's always time to turn back and make a change. Your true essence, our true essence, it's so beautiful, it's so pure, it's so wonderful, it's love. You're better than you know, and far, far better than you could imagine. I love you, and I hope God blesses you.

<3

When Heaven Sends Surprises

There's this weird thing that always happens to me when I'm taking back the control of my thoughts and my life, reclaiming them, and redirecting them in a positive direction. As soon as I decide it's time to become living and breathing gratitude, and only choose to embrace and entertain the positive side of things, little blessings boldly become present in my life. And lately, I've been focusing my energy on my relationship with Christ, and since deciding to dedicate my life to being His Beacon of Love and Light, making my life something the glorifies God, and being determined to have Him as the foundation in everything I do, my "powers of manifestation" have increased ten-fold (my prayers are being answered at an insanely rapid pace, one I can barely fathom)!

For example, the other teacher at the academy where I teach is pregnant, and it's been known since before the year started that I would take over her classes when she took maternity leave. These classes are on Wednesday and Friday afternoons/evenings, which would mean I'd be in the high school Tuesday-Friday in the mornings/early afternoons, and then in the academy Tuesday-Friday afternoons/evenings. I'd have to cut my private lesson, and I'd lose my Friday afternoons. Originally, it was what I wanted. But I originally thought I was going to be leaving for Asia with a backpack on after this year, and wanted to work as much as possible so I could save for the adventure. Well, since I changed my mind and decided to move home, I don't necessarily need to save as much money. Also, about this same time, I started to realize how stressed out and over-worked I was becoming. So, I decided that it wouldn't be very wise for me to add 5-6 more hours of teaching to my load, and told my boss it would be best if he could find someone else to do it. The very next week he told me he was pretty sure he had found someone who could/would do it starting in January!

^Update (26/11/2014): I'm supposed to start the classes today, and I was talking to the teacher, and she said Paula, the girl who's going to take over (meaning that since I spoke to my boss yesterday, she's confirmed she will do them!), and that she might even be able to do the December days!!!! Now THAT is quick! I was praying about it all day yesterday, returning my trust to Him, and now, Shaaa-Bammm! AwesomeSauce

Next example, since I know these are my final [seven] months living in Europe, I've started to make some lists of the places I want to be sure I go before I leave. Istanbul has become one of my top priorities, and I've been focusing a lot of my energy on it. This week, I've been emailing with my grandma, and she was asking me when I finish work, because she has an idea. She, my mom and my sister are going to be taking a trip in June to Israel, but before they go to Israel, they're going to.... wait for it..... ISTANBUL, and she asked if the dates they're going I could meet them there. And, perfectly, by the grace of God, I will have finished working in the high school by then, leaving me with only classes on Tuesday/Thursday afternoons/evenings, meaning not only will I get to go to Istanbul for a Friday-Monday trip, but that I will get to meet up with my family here in Europe, something I've been dying to do since my parents were here last September!! Incredible! And literally, an instant response rate! Less than one week ago I wrote a list of my top spots to hit, as well as put a post-it on my desktop!

Another thing, I've been incredibly adamant about looking on the bright side of things, but tomorrow in my schedule at the high school, I have first period (8:15-9:15), third period (10:15-11:15), and fifth period (12:45-13:45). It's not really ideal, because it's every-other-hour, meaning I have two semi-awkward breaks in between classes. Not to mention that I'm talking about Thanksgiving, and doing the exact same presentation three times in one morning doesn't really get a girl too excited. But, I was channeling gratitude and joy just the same. Well, moments ago, the coordinator for the auxiliary program writes me to tell me I don't have to go to first period, because the group has a field trip!! Whhaaa!! Awesome! So now, not only do I not have to do the same presentation three times tomorrow (the same one I did already once today), but I don't even start till 10:15!!

One last "coincidence" (a concept I don't believe in at all, by the way)... last week, when I was writing out my lesson plans for this week, for some reason, I didn't write anything in the boxes I usually use for the private class I have on Mondays and Wednesdays. Why? Who knows. But, yesterday, I was talking to my student about what time we were going to have class, and he decided that it would be better if we waited till December to restart the classes. (((!!!!!!Whhhaattt!?!?!?!)))

So for all of you out there that think this manifest destiny stuff is a crock-of-crap, I suggest rethinking it! I can't even tell you how many things like this have happened to me in the last couple months, nor how many have happened every time I decide to stop being lazy with the thoughts I entertain! It's the real deal, man, and it's pretttyyy sweeeet! Give it a shot, and let me know what freaky-cool things come to pass in your life!

I lovelovelovelovelove you! You're magic, don't ever forget it! Made from start dust and sand? Couldn't be any cooler if you tried! Big kisses and hugs to all my sisters and brothers from above!

Blessings, Love & Light Beauties 

<3

Unexpected Appointments

My church back home is doing a 40-day prayer challenge that goes along with a book called, Drawing the Circle. Each day, there's a devotional you read, and then you pray. You journal, think, talk, and it's supposed to be an amazing 40-day experience, that can actually change the course of your entire life. My mom asked my family if we wanted to all do it together. I'm here in Spain, my sister is in Santa Barbara for college, and my parents in Stockton, she thought it would be a really cool thing for us to do together so we can be closer in spite of the distances between all of us. So we started it exactly one week ago today, and it's been really cool so far!

Last Thursday I had a little break in between classes at the high school, and decided to go to El Nuevo Rupert, a bar that's close to the school, to have a coffee, a Semana Santa donut (pastries and treats can be quite seasonal or holiday specific here), and hang with God to do my devotional/meditation/prayer. So after ordering my coffee and donut, which casually turned into two when he just put them on my plate, in spite of me only ordering one (que pena, what a shame), I went to sit at a table and get down with my Papa God!

There happened to be two other people in this little outdoor seating area, both at their own tables alone. I'm not quite sure how the conversation got started between the elderly lady and I (it's Andalucia, so I'm really not surprised), but I mentioned that I was coming to sit out here because it was so loud inside, and I was going to do some meditation. After returning to the table with my Americano, the older man at his table asked me what kind of meditation I was doing, and I told him about what it was, and we began talking. And in the maybe 10-15 minutes that we spent talking, we covered such a range of topics, and it was an encounter that left me feeling so full of love, light, and confidence in the path I'm on.

We talked about where I'm from and what I'm doing here, and I told him that I love Sevilla so much, but I'm also kind of ready to try somewhere new. He then proceeded to tell me all about his son, who lived in China for a number of years, spent a year traveling around the world, did a year traveling the United States, and an array of other places and things, including his own time spent living in China, how the people are, and other facets of his life. I told him about my plans to work two jobs for another year, and then take a year to travel the world and do volunteer work. He told me that when I go to Asia, I'm going to stay there for a very long time, and I agreed. And I told him that I wanted to experience as much of the world as I possibly could, and he told me he knew I would.

His faith in me and the plans and ideas I have for my life, after just knowing me for 10 minutes, was astonishing, and gave me such a lift. He believed in me, and could tell just by meeting me, that everything I said I wanted and was going to do, was going to happen. It's not everyday people support you when they hear about your plans to spend most of the next five years of your life with nothing more than a backpack and heart full of love. But he did. And he gave me the greatest gift anyone possibly could: heartfelt support and understanding.

We mostly talked about travel, and how important it is, but we also talked a bit about life, learning, and really living a happy, full life. And by the time we bid our a' dues, I was so, so happy that I hadn't let the "I just came here to meditate and now this man won't stop talking to me" thoughts conquer the moment. I remained open, and kept myself fully, 100% in the moment, and it was such a marvelous decision, that led to a truly blessed moment. Upon our good-byes, he told me he was going to leave me with his final words, which, as they came into my conscious space, were well-received and magnificent,

"Open heart. Open mind. Travel a lot, as much as you can. You're young, and have a lot of life to live. There's a lot to see in the world. There are a lot of good people who can teach you a lot of things and show you things you didn't know before. And always, stay in touch with your family."

 

And after he left, and I opened my devotional book to begin, I began to laugh, as I read that the concept of the day's devotional and prayer was about appointments that God makes for us. Each step is established by God. He makes appointments for us, but it's up to us to keep them. I'm so happy I don't have to sit here and wonder what would have happened if I'd talked to that man instead of shutting him out to do my devotional. It was a truly blessed morning and moment. Thank you <3

 

Blessings, Love & Light to you all!

 

As well as deep hopes that you all remain open to all that happens in your life. There's a blessing to be found in every situation, whether we see it immediately, or not. Stay in the moment, always

Be Here Now

<3