5 Minute Meditations

I started doing 5 Minute Meditations as part of my Daily Practice a week and a half ago, and wanted to write a little update about how they're manifesting, because truly, it's been quite a crazy result. If you aren't sure what I'm talking about, you can check out more information here or here, and if you're just tuning in now, I'll fill you in really quickly.

Each day, I sit down, set a timer for 5 minutes and 30 seconds, and meditate. I do one meditation centering my mind and feelings around love, which I send to my students and coworkers, and then I do another 5 Minute Meditation of Gratitude. The gratitude one is simply me praying profuse thanks to God for whatever comes to mind. Sometimes I sing it, sometimes I say it as poetry, sometimes if I'm having a hard time mustering anything specific, I simply say, "I am so grateful," or "I love you," over-and-over again. The intention here, is to practice what I've believed for many years now: that the power of the mind is greater than anything else we've been given, and thoughts can change everything. So, I'm putting it to the test, to see what can/will happen if I meditate love and gratitude for five minutes apiece. And I've gotta be honest, the results so far have been a huge surprise!

In the high school, I have two groups that are particularly difficult to try and teach/interact with, and another couple that have some shining students in their midst. But when I say shining, I don't mean that their light is so bright and beautiful. Instead, it's the shining look of f-you they wear on their faces, and their light is burning quite bright with arrogance and cockiness. For that, it can be difficult to tap into the love I know is there inside.

Some days, it's really hard to believe I can find the love in me that deserves to be sent to them. And believe me, it does deserve to be sent. I am a firm believer in that those who are the hardest to love, are the ones that need it most. Also, since I have been that age before, though it may have been a decade ago, it all still feels fresh enough for me to understand that they are just lost, confused, and overly-influenced by media and the fairly close-minded society that surrounds them. So how can I really hold it against them? They're just living from a place that is not their true essence, and will hopefully awaken someday.

I don't really have a strict method for doing the 5 Minute Meditations. They might be more effective if I did them at the same time, in the same sequence, every day, but that's not really how I live my life, so it's not really how they've happened. I try to always do the 5 Minute Meditation of Love in the morning, and it's even better if done before the high school has started. I think that once they are in school (a place they seem to hate) and surrounded by their peers, their energy and attitude kicks up a couple notches, and it's harder for me to access the unlimited reserve of love that's within me. Especially since I live so close to the school, I don't doubt that their energy and mine can too-easily penetrate one another's from this distance. (And now I'm actually really curious to know what the other teachers observe/feel when they're with the group I'm meditation love towards at that moment. Hmm... would be pretty cool to find out!)

As for the 5 Minute Meditation of Gratitude, sometimes I do it before the Love one, to get me in a great mental state, sometimes after, sometimes at night, and sometimes not at all, because I've spent most of my day in moments of over-flowing gratitude, and feel it's been done in its own way. But I think the gratitude one is even more important than the love one, because when you are living from a place of gratitude, you appreciate all the things that are good in your life, which causes more to come about, and when you are noticing all the beauty around you, it's hard not to be full of love.

What I've observed so far is this:

• I am much happier, and when I see students who have that "I am so cool and don't care about you or anything because I'm hot" look on their face, it's easier to not tense up inside, because I just think about my practice. 
• For example: Just yesterday, I saw a group of boys from the most draining group, and some of the cockiest, I'm-the-cool-est, everyone else is ugly, lame and stupid-est ones, and they started laughing at me, because I had my hair in a ponytail on top of my head, like I always do when I wear a ponytail, and was sporting a Pocahontas scrunchy I've had since I was a child, purple tights, combat boots with striped socks pulled up to my mid-calf, a black dress, and a bright blue polyester coat I got at a second-hand shop in Brussels, that is also, literally, from the 80's. (I have spent a lot of time getting laughed at, judged, and criticized by Jr. high/high schoolers this year.) And yeah, at first, when I saw them, my instinct was to put on my attitude/tough, I'm-the-boss face (we tend to match that which we see), drop my smile, and not engage them. But instead of glaring at them, I just decided to keep my smile on, and walk by. (Not smiling directly at them probably wasn't the best way to handle it, but I didn't want to entangle my energy with theirs. I was in a great mood!) But after I'd walked by and been thoroughly laughed at, I processed the, "Are you kidding me, are you seriously that rude and insecure you little sh--," emotions, I just thought about the love I've been sending them, and while I felt a little defeated that it clearly doesn't seem to be working (I'd expect we'd share some smiles, not judgment), I felt better, knowing that at least my emotional/mental/energetic state is in a positive place. And, I even felt a little sympathetic for the kid, because I know he's just going through a tough age, and probably, will have a bit of a tough life, because he is really good-looking, and that usually means high levels of insecurity and self-imposed expectations for yourself and others, as well, his actions just mean he is not happy with himself or his life. So it became hard to be pissed at them for all the trouble they cause us teachers, and easier to just be glad that I'm a happy, loving, smiling person. And that's the whole point with these things anyways: To elevate and take your State of Being to such a good place, that the things that bothered you before, start to lose their grip, till they die off completely.
• Everything in my life seems to be falling into better alignment. The books I'm reading, the quotes I see, the messages that I get from everything around me, they all are starting to tell me the same things, on the same days, and usually, within short periods of time from one another.
• Because I'm focusing "so much" energy on love and gratitude, even when I enter a class that's not behaving so well, I care a lot less, because I'm in such a great mood, I don't care that their hormones are trying to run interference on my day, and then the class actually ends up going a lot better than I would have expected/it would have a couple weeks ago. (Related to the first bullet.)
• I haven't had any classes with a couple of the groups I try to focus most of my love on. It's incredible. I thought I was going to be softening them up, preparing myself energetically, and enter the classes to discover that, "Wow! All of a sudden, we're great together!" but instead, I just haven't entered with them. The teacher has a quiz, the class is on a field trip, the teacher needs to switch hours, they've got more field trips, any number of things have been happening to "keep me" from having class with them. This whole time, I've been trying to send love and gratitude out, and God just keeps the love coming back around, and giving me more to be grateful for. Who knew!

So, in short, I highly recommend taking up this practice if you have any sort of struggle in your life. It can be directed at anything, not just particular people. Your job, your town, any part of your circumstance can benefit and improve simply from sitting down, setting a timer, and Being silent or singing, focusing all your energy and thoughts on love and gratitude. Even if you feel full of detest for whatever it is, this will help! You know the saying, "Fake it till you make it"? Well, that's what we're doing here! And it works! And truly, you'll be amazed to see and feel how much love is locked up inside of you. Once you start to release it, it won't be able to stop. So let's break down those dams, and let the love flow!

Write me if you need any help, you have any questions, or you just want to say hi. I'm going to try and figure out how to use the camera on my computer so I can make some guided meditation videos, and then I'll share the links here. :) I hope you have an amazing day, night, afternoon, whatever, wherever, and smile and shine through everything that's going on!

I love you, I'm happy to exist with you!

Blessings, Love, Light & Wonder,

-Allison <3

Well That Was Fast!

Ok, so I've just gotta take a moment here to give some major props to God, the power of love, the power of thought and manifestation, all good forces and wonder in the world, and maybe brag a little bit...

I've been doing the 5 Minute Meditations of Love & Gratitude (part of My Modified Daily Practice) for only three days now, but already, I'm reaping rewards and seeing the results! And while they're not exactly manifesting in the ways I'd imagined, they're affect is undeniable and glaringly obvious.

Here I talked about the whole 5 Minute Meditation idea, where it came from, and why I'm doing them, so I won't get into in this one. I'm short on time, I've already said it, and this post is mostly just to update you all on the progress and process, and tell you of the wild ways this is already working in my life. I will however do a quick recap on what it means...

The 5 Minute Meditations are a time when I sit and meditate for five minutes, with a timer, and concentrate fully on Love, then reset the timer, and concentrate fully on Gratitude. The Love one is love I direct to my students, coworkers, anyone that is involved in my workplace, and especially directed at the groups that are more "difficult". The Gratitude one is directed to God, and it's simply me running through things I'm grateful for, and speaking thanks to Him. It's always a bit different, and today to switch it up, I said it all in my head as a poem. I loved it. (And have decided to do the 5 Minute Meditation of Gratitude before the Love one, because when we are in a state of thanks, it makes love come more easily and naturally. So I figure my love will be even better if it's first charged with gratitude.:)

Anyways, like I said, this morning was only the third time I've done them, and just now, I read a text from the teacher I'm supposed to work with tomorrow, telling me the group we have at the first hour (8:15, the dreaded early hour) is on a field trip and won't be there, so I don't need to show up that early. But not just that, the group we should have in the fifth hour (12:14-13:45) is going to be taking a quiz that will take up most of the class, so there's no point in me going to that either! SAY WHAT!?! I'm freakin' out!

I freak out, because the second group I'm supposed to be with tomorrow is easily the most difficult group to deal with on an energetic level. So the fact I've been sitting in silence and speaking love into their souls the last few days, and now won't even see them, is strangely awesome, not a result I would have expected, and also, perhaps a sign I'm not quite ready for all that.

It's possible that God is giving me this extra time off, to deepen and continue this practice, so when I am with them next I have had more than just a few days under my belt. A lot can change and happen in three days, but five months of hardships can't be undone in just 18 minutes (in this particular case). So, thank You, God, for this little break and chance to keep up with it before I step into the ring again (something I shouldn't even say, because simply making a comment like that demonstrates I'm considering it battle, which will only cause it to be/remain the same). And thank you, Love, for coming back around to me!

I knew that this probably wouldn't change their behavior so much, but as Captain Jack Sparrow said, "The problem isn't the problem. The problem is how your attitude about the problem." So, I've been sending deep love to all of their conflicted teen souls, and the whole time, it's been getting ready to come back around to me and give me an unexpected day off work! Amazing!

Thank you, All There Is 

<3

Update on 11/03/2015:

I just got home to read some messages from another teacher I'm meant to have two hours with tomorrow, and she forgot I was supposed to be with her, and has an exam in the classes, so I don't start at 8:15, but instead at 12:45. Seriously...this is unreal. Meditate Love onto anything that's giving you a hard time, it cannot persist if you do. That I swear!

Blessings, Love, Light & Wonder to all you magical Beings out there,

I adore you, I cherish you, I love you

-Allison :)

Deactivation Adventure: Day One

It's been less than six hours since I deactivated my Facebook, signed out of Instagram, and uninstalled the app from my phone. Clearly not long enough to feel any withdrawal symptoms, but long enough to notice changes in my behavior, and be given time to observe it.

One thing that's striking me as fairly hilarious, is that I keep thinking of how I'm doing with this, things I'm thinking or feeling, realizations that are coming to mind, and my first thought is to go share them on social media! Then I realize, I've cut myself off and can't.

There is no feeling of sadness, disconnect, or isolation I'm experiencing thus far, but I do find it strange that, in spite of having very good friends at my disposal via Whatsapp (a communication app, much like texting, but that runs off WiFi and data plans), my first instinct is to share news with a larger, more distant audience. Is it for the likes? Is it for the notifications? Is it to get input from more people? Is it to try and demonstrate myself? Is my Ego that much in control of me? Or, is it simply that this has become the habit? I figure it's a heady combination of them all, in one way or another.

I am at an emotionally, mentally, and energetically draining/confusing/difficult time right now, and felt that Facebook had somehow become a major contributor to it all, which is why I decided to temporarily deactivate my account. Now, shake your heads in shame all you want, but when I say this next part, you know, as well as I do, that you'd likely do it the same way, or at least can feel for me...

My Deactivation Adventure is only going to last about 2 1/2 weeks, because my birthday is the end of the month, and to be unabashedly honest, there are few things that make a soul soar like reading through numerous heartfelt birthday messages and comments. Even the ones that are generic somehow count, because they saw your name on the side, and decided you were worth the moment it'd take to write, "Happy birthday!" (**insert smiley face here, maybe**) The last few years, I have been brought to tears, and gotten more rowdy than a gospel church while reading through them, and that's not something I want to give up. Especially not now, in my "state of crisis." So, in time for my birthday, I shall reactivate, check in with the world, and then potentially, deactivate again for a long time.

I have been wanting to delete my account entirely for at least three or four years, but since I had so many friends in other countries I wanted to keep in touch with, didn't. And then, when I moved abroad, I often read from my sister, mom, and grandma, that they pretty much only knew what was happening in my life because of Facebook. (Truly sad, but truly true.) So I haven't deleted myself from it's toxic throws, because I genuinely use it to keep in touch with certain people while we're living hundreds or thousands of miles apart.

Of course, there's the argument I constantly consider of, "Won't the people who're really meant to be in your life be in it no matter what?" And yes, I do believe this to be the case, but I also know, that if it weren't for Facebook, I wouldn't have reconnected with or met so many of the amazing people I have in the last year. For example, I wouldn't have been able to reach out to my Norwegian friends whom I hadn't seen for four years, and tell them I'd be in their country, enabling us to meet up, and me to actually be hosted in Oslo; nor would my new Portuguese friend have been able to contact his Norwegian friends to hook me up with a place to stay, or tell me within the last couple weeks that he's going to be a father(!!); nor would a former Couchsurfer I had (and friend) have been able to put me in contact with the people who hosted me in Brussels last weekend, and so on and so forth.

I live on both sides of the coin with this thing, but for now, one thing is certain: I want to enter my 26th year of life (which I'll do on the 26th, so, please keep it in mind;) with as clear a head and steady a heart as I can, and currently, Facebook wasn't helping me achieve it. So It's Out. For now. We'll see what happens with my mind over the course of the next couple weeks, but my hopes are high that I'll walk into my new year of life more centered on God than I've ever been, and more satisfied than I could imagine! Bring it on!

Blessings, Love & Light to you all

<3

Who will actually see this, if I can't share it on social media? 

hahaha... 

Congratulations to those of you who were meant to read this post, 

you have found it, 

and it you. 

Welcome, I love you 

<3

Gotta Talk It Out

On the outside, I may appear to be a very open person. And, to be honest, on many levels I am. But not on all of them, and not on some levels that are pretty important.

I can't tell you how often I suppress and eat my feelings and words, just so I don't have to expose them to others (in turn, I think, making it "easier" for me not to expose them to myself). I'm not sure if it's because I have had many friends over the years who overly-burden the people around them with negatively perceived emotions and moments, leaving me in a state of resistance to this; or if it's just how I'm programmed -- share what is positive, and just try to ignore and escape the rest. Either way, it's not exactly the healthiest way to live, and I've been working on being more open, embracing, and accepting with and of everything over the years.

I've definitely made great strides, and I know my throat chakra has strengthened a lot over the years, since I'm now not as afraid to say what's really going on in my heart and head. However, there are still some very personal emotions and moments that I keep to myself, and try to cure on my own. But I learned recently, that if there is something that's causing you pain, it's not necessarily a burden to others if you share it with them, it's part of how we heal. And more importantly, it's necessary.

I encountered my first real heartbreak within the last six months. It was heavy, it was hurtful, and because it was a foreign feeling, I didn't know what emotions and mentality would follow it. Let's just say, I think I unknowingly slipped into a bit of a depression, and absolutely let my positive thinking slip with it. I watched the sad, judgmental, mean, and negative thoughts run through my mind, and where I'd normally steer them into a direction of love and gratitude, I just let them play around in my head. I dwelled a lot in the past, over-thought, re-thought, examined, and brooded.

Without getting into too much detail, I will say this: it has to do with my last relationship and the way things ended. What happened, or I guess what didn't happen, left me feeling more confused, abandoned, hurt, and empty than anything anyone's ever done to me before. And I've put up with a lot of crap from people over the last 25 years. So that, in combination with two other hard-on-the-heart encounters within a four week period, caused me to retract a bit. I can be a pretty sensitive person, and to deal with three tough things in the course of six weeks, definitely sent me into a place I haven't really hung out in before. A place where I stayed, without even noticing, for nearly three and a half months.

This place I hung out in involved a lot of beer (for me, the girl who was used to having only a glass or two of wine each week), a lot of self-doubt, a lot of confusion, a lot of over-thinking, a lot of searching, a lot of wondering, and a lot of a bunch of other stuff that is not at all aligned with being spiritual and accepting of all. I was really burnt out at work, so the combination of it all definitely resulted in one unmotivated teacher, and distant person. Shoot.

Then, I went to Portugal for a plan-less camping weekend, and ended up meeting someone who, oddly enough, was and is dealing with a nearly identical situation to mine. When we first started talking about our situations, I was going to hold back. Some questions came to mind, but I wanted to push them away, because I didn't want to be too intrusive. But then I decided to say screw it, because it's better to ask a question and let the other person choose not to answer, than not to ask, and just keep eating your thoughts and feelings. I wanted to take the conversation to the next level, and I wanted to stop remaining on the surface with certain subjects. And it turned out that his answers were the same as mine, and it led us to a way deeper level of conversation, understanding and support, and magically enough, it actually enabled me to really, truly begin curing.

I think that after a couple months, there's definitely some curing that happens, some ground that's covered. It makes sense it would work that way, it's natural. But if you're still brooding and munching on your thoughts by yourself, I think it's absolutely impossible to really heal all the way. And I daresay that's what leads people to become [a little] insane and obsessive after something hard happens to them. You've gotta get it out of your system, have a conversation about it all, and just admit what's going on in your mind. I didn't expect that that one conversation, let alone with someone I barely know, would result in the freedom and happiness that it did, but man, it's been amazing! In the days that immediately followed our talk, I felt such a huge difference in myself. Unfortunately, I didn't even realize how far I had gotten from my usual, positive, loving, happy self until I started to actually, really cure and move on.

It was through all this I realized that keeping things bottled up is really, really horrible, and it actually is like ingesting poison, hoping it will just kill all the bad, and leave the rest unaffected. One of my big pitches in life is to be open -- open minded, open heart, open, open, open -- and yet, here I have been, holding things back, suppressing thoughts, and trying to deal with it inside and alone so I don't have to admit to the thoughts I'd been having. Well, lesson learned!

Hopefully none of you are keeping things bottled in, trying to go it alone. I can't say I'll never do it again, perhaps I'm doing it now, with or without realizing it, but I do know that I am seeing and feeling the difference it makes to open up to people, even if it's someone you just met! So if you are, try to lighten your load. Write it out, draw it, talk to a friend, find a stranger, do anything you can to try and release what's going on in your mind! It can make the difference in your situation and life!

Sending our curing, healing, happy vibes to everyone reading this (and all those who are not)! I hope you have a beautiful, blessed day, and feel the Love & Light that my ear infected-self is sending you! (Don't worry, I'm keeping these "sick vibes" for myself;)

Unexpected Adventures

A couple weekend's back, I had such a typical "me" traveling experience. I went with two of my Italian friends to Portugal with a tent, sleeping bags and backpacks, and zero plan other than camping out at the beach in Faro, Portugal. What we ended up doing and experiencing was so much different than what we originally set out thinking, but proved to be such a blessing, and was time spent beautifully, as well as a reminder to just go with the flow and stay open to everything that comes along.

After arriving at Plaza de Armas (the bus station in Sevilla) on Friday afternoon, we found out the bus we intended to take to Faro was already full. So we looked into other options, and learned that we could take a different bus in just over an hour, and decided to take it, but get off in Tavira, about 40 minutes before Faro.We figured we could always make our way to Faro the next day, and that since we had a tent, we could sleep anywhere we wanted.

In Tavira, there's a little, nearly virgin island, and they have a boat that takes people back and forth all day long. We asked around, and learned that the campsite on the island was closed, but that if we just set up the tent for a night we wouldn't be bothered since it's not really the camping season yet and no police would pass. So, continuing with our going and flowing motion, we headed to the dock. And, since we were just going and flowing, not getting caught up on this or that along the way, it was no surprise we made it to the dock just five minutes before the last boat would be crossing to the island. Which worked out perfectly, because we definitely didn't have enough food or drink rations to last us on an island till the next afternoon. So we bought a couple sandwiches and beers apiece at the bar, and then loaded up for our big adventure!

Of the six people on the boat over to the island (a trip that costs 1.50€ round trip and takes about 5 minutes), two were working the boat, and three were us. When we arrived to the island, it was completely empty, aside from some fishermen finishing up their day down by the mini lighthouse. We took a short walk, looking for where we´d set up camp and make our home, and ended up on top of a flat dune right on the beach. It was perfect. We relaxed, roamed the beach, ate, watched the stars come out, and enjoyed each other´s company. Then, we turned in for the night.

The next morning was just as relaxed as the night before, even though someone came by to tell us we couldn't use a tent on the beach. We spent the day at the beach, and then decided to stroll through the town, have lunch, and then catch the bus to Faro. After 45 minutes, we arrived in Faro to continue our "finde sin plan" (weekend without a plan). We weren´t sure there was even a campsite in Faro, but we didn´t really care, because we knew there was a beach and that we had a tent. We asked around, learned there was a campsite, but that it was closed, but that again, if we set up a tent on the beach in a certain area, no one would bother us about it. So we caught a cab to the beach (about 10-15 minutes away by car, 15-20€ in a taxi), and started the trek to what we would call our home for the night.

At Faro Beach, there is a small-yet-expansive collection of magical little beach homes. Many belong to fishermen, and most are rented out during the summer to people coming to stay at the beach. They line the beach, and there is one small, narrow road that runs between them. There are restaurants, bars, and a mini market, but once you get to a certain point, it´s nearly all little beach homes. They are so literally beach homes, that the sand from the beach, is actually running up to the front doors. I saw sandbags in front of the entry ways to keep the sand from pouring into the entrance as it is at this house:

As we were walking, we arrived to the part where the street ends, and a wooden path begins, leading you to the beach. We had noticed a guy sitting in a beanbag chair outside his house in the sun, and after we´d walked a few minutes, started to hear someone yelling, "Guys! Guys! Come here!" We turned and made our way back, and then he asked us if we were planning on camping, and upon us saying yes, told us we could stay at his place for the night if we wanted. So after exchanging stares, thinking to ourselves, and going over the scenario, we accepted the offer and we went with it!

It ended up being the current home of a Portuguese guy and a Colombian guy (a Frenchie as well who was, of course, in Sevilla for the weekend), finishing a masters in Faro about marine biology, and it ended up being a fully-blessed experience!

By the time night had fallen, we had covered such a range of topics, that I was speaking to my friends, and we all agreed that it felt like we'd been staying with them the entire week, at least. Two amazing guys, incredibly motivated, and dripping with passion. It was so cool to see a couple people who are so amped on doing something to help the planet, and living lives that are full of experiences and learning. Any initial doubts any of us might have had vanished with each passing conversation and thing we learned.

The next day, I spent a couple hours talking with one of the guys, and we hit on some pretty heavy conversation topics. We talked about conservation, sharks (his thesis topic), the world and her population, religion, and one topic that we had more in common that anyone could have guessed upon our chance meeting -- nearly identical ex [gf/bf] situations. And it was in this conversation, that I really let myself open up. I hadn't talked about the situation with my ex to anyone else the way I did with him. I haven't ever asked anyone some of the heavy questions that I asked him. And what I learned, was that I am not alone.

Of course it shouldn't have taken that conversation for me to realize or know it, but it did. It took me asking someone else if they had moments like I had been having to know that ok, I am ok, I am not losing my mind, and no, I am not the only one who deals with this set of circumstances. Quite egotistical to think I would be, and had I stopped being so emotion-driven, I would have been able to reach this conclusion, hell, I probably already had, but to actually hear another person say it, see it in their eyes, I really knew. And something about that conversation, that opening of the wounds, bearing them to a stranger, and sharing it all, has helped me really get on the path of healing.

Since that, I have entered into my old ways of thinking -- positive, loving, guided in the bright direction. More importantly, now I actually care about guiding my thoughts in the positive direction. I didn't even realize before that I was depressed, but now that I can feel the difference in my thoughts and Being, I realize how far I was from my usual self.

It's amazing, really, to think about all that came out of a situation that all began with:
"Hey, we're going camping in Portugal this weekend, do you want to come?" "Yeah, I've got nothing to do, let's do it! What's the plan?" "We're going without one." "Perfect, let's do it."

Just another example of why it pays to stay open!

The sunset in Faro from the beach <3