Why Moving Out of Chico was the Best Thing That's Ever Happened to Me

There comes a time in the lives of many where everything changes drastically, you are left wondering who you are, nowadays you're left wondering what you're going to do, and every single thing you knew before, is no longer the same. That time generally comes when you graduate college.

It's a horrific time -- a celebration that you don't realize signifies the end of an ear, the completion of the years where you can act a fool and no one really says anything, and the end of, especially for those of us in Chico, a period in our lives where we literally do not live in the real world, and instead, enjoy living in a bubble (normally formed by Keystone Light). No one can prepare you for the emotions you are going to face when you graduate, because you really have to experience them yourself in order to understand it. It is a VERY strange time in our lives, and you really just have to go through it, try to remain positive, and remember that the good times aren't dead, they're simply different now, more...mature.

But in spite of all the depression that follows one of the most epic weekends of celebrating we'll ever endure (I actually talked myself up for the Feria de abril in Sevilla last week by saying to myself, "Think: grad weekend! If you can rally and do that, you can do anything."), there is a very, very bright light at the end of the tunnel for some of us! Hopefully all, but of course, blanket statements are ALWAYS bad (unless you are making a blanket statement about blanket statements;), and not everyone finds their way after they leave the college bubble. For me, this light really started to shine when I moved here to Spain to follow my heart and my dreams. I can now honestly say, something that will truly shock many, might kill some, and piss off others, that: graduating from college and moving out of Chico was THE BEST thing that has ever happened to me.

Yes, let me repeat that once more to make sure you are really thrown down into your chair..

Graduating college and moving OUT OF Chico was THE BEST thing that has ever happened to me.

Are you fully blown away? Good, I've got your attention.

Now, I will never ever look back on my time in Chico and think, "my gosh, I really wish I didn't have those years of my life." I met some of the most amazing people, got to live in a truly wonderful city, and love so much that I had those experiences, but now that I have been removed from that place for just over a year (which translates to many, many more years in post-grad life), I can really see how detrimental it was on so many different levels.

For one, why is it that we think we aren't drunk enough unless we are completely blacked out? Is it so bad to actually remember our nights? And when did blacking out become the new standard for drinking anyways? I really remember [the beginning of] each night of drinking, being in the process, and I can probably pinpoint at which shot I was sufficiently drunk (in most cases), but did not think it was enough because I was still pretty coherent. I mean, come on, how many of us have "cheers'd" with a shot in hand and actually said, "this will be the one that puts me over"? Yeah, now you're remembering all those times, huh? (*Cough, cough, last weekend, cough cough* <-- If you're still there;) I think it made it even worse that 90% of the time I could be blacked out, and wouldn't appear to be so to those around me, or even aware of it myself. We became experts at hiding how drunk we really were -- our true subject of study. So when you mix that with the desire to be as trashed as everyone around you so you too can make sloppy, bad choices, you get a great, big, awesome mess of a time! (I'm so sorry parents, grandparents, church people, teachers, employers, and etc who are reading this. Please know that I am no longer this way.)

Alcohol is literally the devil's drink. Now that I don't really drink very often, and when I do, drink much, MUCH less, I can honestly say that I think that I used drinking a lot of alcohol as an excuse to do things that I wouldn't do sober. How many people do we know that either made out with or actually slept with more than one or two guys in a night because she was too drunk to decide she probably didn't want to do that? Too many. How many of us have woken up in the morning with low self-esteem because we did something the night before that we would NEVER consider doing had we not been drunk? Too many of us. And how many times did we wake up trying to piece together our nights and no one really knows about large chunks of time? Too many.

THIS IS NOT NORMAL. We are so desensitized these days by movies, TV, and life in general, that it just seems so okay to get hammered and become completely disconnected from ourselves. Yes, of course, sometimes it is really necessary to let loose, forget most of your morals, and just live without inhibitions for a little, but every weekend? Every night? Not so necessary.

 This is me on Halloween in Barcelona in 2009. I think it goes w/o saying that there was a lot of alcohol consumed before this photo was taken.

Here, is the same chick, at about six or seven am after a night of going out when I was in Bilbao just a couple weekends back. The difference? I didn't black out or consume way more than I should have.

And here I am once more, completely stone-cold sober.

<<  Pretty incredible the difference, huh? O_o  >>

My darling dino love said something to me once that really stuck, and is so completely true: "Alcohol disconnects us from our spiritual selves."

This might not mean much to many people, but to me, as someone who is now highly spiritual and really focused on it, that's scary. And since he said it, the couple times I've gone out and drank, without even getting wasted, I could feel it, and I could tell that I was completely disconnected from the me that I have been working to become. I did not like to realize that.

And it is because of this reason that I really feel that leaving Chico was the best thing that could have happened for me. I don't think I would have ever found this deep sense of spirituality had I stayed there. It's possible, because I was definitely starting to acquire it in the final months that I was there, but there, it's so hard not to be a rager when most everyone you know is.

When I got back from studying abroad, things were different. I still went out a lot, obviously still drank too much on given nights, and did some things that I would rather have skipped, but I definitely started to respect myself more, make some changes, and try. But trying can only get you so far if your surroundings do nothing to help. << Friends, I do not mean, in any way, that you prevented my growth. Spiritual growth is something that others can only assist you in, in the end, it all comes down to the person and their actively working to become that way. I love you all, miss you, and know we will have more good times in the future. Perhaps just a little more tasteful.. :) >>

My life and my mentality have changed so drastically since I left Chico, and all those former feelings of depression, confusion, anxiety, and fear that I had when I first graduated and left are completely gone. I feel so much more in touch with myself and the world, and that is incredible. And that is why I can honestly say that graduating from college and moving away from and out of Chico has been the best thing to happen to me yet. (Perhaps it also has something to do with following my heart and pursuing my dreams though? Something I highly suggest everyone do, no matter how scary and impossible they might seem!)

I know there are many who find this type of spirituality, self-awareness, self-love, and so on and so forth while they are in Chico. I mean, let's face it, Chico is a great hippie place. It's a great place to connect with nature, become one with the world, and really explore new things, but for me, being forced to leave was the best thing God could have done for me. I fully support "to each his own," and know that all I'm saying doesn't apply to every single person there (remember, no blanket statements here:), but for myself, and many that I know, to escape it and really discover myself, soberly, separately, has been such a blessing. I will always love Chico and thank it and the people there for those times, but I will forever be grateful that college wasn't more years than it was for me. :)

And those are today, and many of my recent days' thoughts!

Love yourself, love your neighbors, and especially..love OUR EARTH! <3 

It's Time

The glory days have arrived once more! In less than two hours I will be on a plane flying high in the sky back up to my mother-end, NORCAL! :) I am thrilled to get back up there and be surrounded by trees, brick buildings, old and dear friends, and enduring a surprisingly bearable heat. Unfortunately, or rather fortunately, my flight doesn't land in Sacramento until 10:55pm, so I won't be in Chico till close to 12:30am. Which is perfect because it gives me a great excuse NOT to go out when I get there. Looks like things haven't really changed -- still that homebody, "you come to me, I stay in my house," not-wanting-to-go-to-the-bars girl that I was the last year and a half in college. But I will have to break out of my newly tanned (thank you, gradual tanning lotion) skin, and get myself to the bars. Riley's, I will see you tomorrow at 6am! Chico, I will see you (barely since it will be the middle of the night) in about four hours! Yay! Really looking forward to sharing one of the biggest moments of my friends' lives with them. <3

Today's Thought: Do we all live in the past after we graduate? I've noticed it with friends who have graduated and moved away, and have realized it a bit with myself. I keep myself as deeply involved with my college friends and life as I possibly can with this busy schedule and complete lack of ability to keep in touch. I am curious to see the changes that come about in my life when I have moved into my place next week. I have plans to be out of town three of the next four weekends, but after that, and after I am settled into my studio, will things change? Or will I continue to stay an active participant in Facebook conversations that take place w/in my former water polo team, missing them like crazy, and often times wishing I was there rather than here? Interesting to think about, and something I will surely touch back on at the end of June when I have some sort of answer. Stay tuned! And as always, STAY POSITIVE! Give it up [to God]! :)

Random photo that doesn't apply at all to the entry. I just loooove my sister and wanted to throw a shout-out to her. Clearly we love each other in the same way. This is our relationship, captured to perfection. 

Grad Weekend -- Tips Included

I am in very high spirits at the current moment! Chico State's graduation ceremonies are taking place next weekend, and I will be in attendance! Up until 20 minutes ago, I had yet to determine how I would be getting to/from the airport in Sacramento, but I now have secured a very reasonably-priced rental car. How exciting, I really feel like an adult! Flying somewhere and renting a car to go the rest of the way. I'm going the whole nine-yards for this one! But let's be real, I would have walked if I had to in order to ensure being present at this incredible, important, monumental, but mostly, INSANE weekend of my friends' lives. 

Grad weekend is quite possibly the highlight of my whole college career (aside from studying abroad, of course). I will never forget my grad weekend. Well.......... No, but seriously, it is better than if New Year's Eve and Christmas Day went to Riley's power hour, hooked up, and decided to keep the baby (Chiconians will understand me on that one). It is GLORIOUS. The spirit and attitude of everyone is sublime. More celebratory, happy, positive, and, well, celebratory than ever before in one's college existence. More so than even your freshman year when you get up there and within a week are thinking, "How will I survive 4+ years of this place?? Don't care, here we go!"

Everyone is, for lack of a better phrase, stoked on life, and has absolutely nothing to worry or care about for that weekend other than celebrating, having fun, and sticking it to the man! (Which we all seem to think we are doing by showing up to Riley's at 6am, drinking all day, night, day, night, day, well, you get the idea, and screaming about how we're done with school and never have to hear a "stupid lecture," "sit through a stupid class," "write a stupid paper," or "take another stupid test" ever, EVER again.)  Most people are forever finished with their years of [mostly unnecessary classroom] education, and don't have to worry about starting their first job for a couple more weeks (if they're lucky enough...to have gotten a job).

Here are a few tips for those about to graduate:

• Return your cap and gown IMMEDIATELY after the ceremony/you've appeased your family with photos. The last thing you want to do is leave campus, go to your or a friend's grad party, just to have to jam your drunk ass back to campus to turn the dang things in by the deadline.
• Get ready to surprise yourself. You will be thoroughly amazed at how much you rally during the course of Thursday night to Sunday night. If you are like we were last year, you'll wonder where it came from, but don't question, just embrace and LIVE IT UP!
• Drinks LOTS of water! And eat something! Man cannot live on shots alone, and should never try. I saw too many drunken fools thinking they were Superman, only to be left sleeping on a couch someone had put outside their complex a week earlier (to be picked up as trash) for 8-straight hours (across the street from my house).
• SAVOR EVERY MOMENT! You may think that it is the greatest day of your life, it's not, it's the worst. It marks the end of your college years, your final moments as an intricate part of the college bubble, and the moment in your life when you can no longer pass off responsibility because, "I'm a student." Soak it up, and try to remember it. You'll be glad in the long-run. :)

See you next weekend CHICO!!!!! A big congrats to Jessica Wellman, Rachel Westerhoff, Kaitlyn Mansker, Tina Tan, and all you other upcoming Chico State Grads! YOU DID IT! :D 

Today's Quote: "College athletes used to get a degree in bringing your pencil." -Ruby Wax ;) I know you're smarter than that!

Airport Adventures

Original time of publish: 11:49am Pacific time. It did something funny w/ html coding and reposted after I corrected it. Now on w/ the good stuff!

Currently I am coming to you live from the Sacramento International Airport (terminal b for all you stalkers out there;). I've never had such an interesting gate experience. There's are seven people in wheelchairs! I look around and feel like I am at a convalescent home rather than the airport. But as long as there is no in-air emergency, I will be perfectly content with the situation.

My family arrived in Phoenix on Saturday, but b/c of work I am just meeting up with them today. In a matter of minutes I will board the plane and be flying sky high to a new place. I am so excited! I've never been to Phoenix or Scottsdale (Arizona at all for that matter), so it only seems natural that after my parents and sister pick me up we would.... go see a movie!? Hahaha. My life. What a trip. Just a peak at what I am a product of. But tomorrow will be eggcellent... For as long as my sister and I can remember, our parents have been telling us they would take us to the Grand Canyon, and it's finally happening!! Woo! I will be sure to write a travelers-post following or during the trip :)

But for now I will leave you with this... The celebrations that follow graduating are amazing and I am so happy I've been able to participate in the debauchery two semesters in a row. Hehe. And a big shout out to LA Riots, who performed in humble Chico on Friday at the El Rey and KILLED it. Small crowd w/ a lot of power, keep it up Cheeks!

I will be sure to put up a sentimental post about finishing school when I am not writing from a phone.

Today's Quote: "LIVE IT UP!!!"

Last Call

In a matter of hours I will have completed my undergraduate education here in beautiful Chico, CA. It's a little hard for me to fathom and really process, especially considering the POUNDING headache I'm suffering as a result of last night's festivities. Here in Chico we have a little thing called "buck night" that falls on multiple nights depending on the bar. Wednesday night is the Crazy Horse's night to shine.

And while I did not take advantage of the chance to dominate the bull, I absolutely took advantage of the concept of buck night. All well drinks are $1, doubles are $2. Incredible, right? So yes, now I am suffering and unprepared for the last final of my college career, but I am confident in my grade and know I will pass the class. In life you are faced with choices. To go out and strengthen your relationships, or live in solitude and focus on gaining superficial knowledge. Too often I've chosen to go out instead of study, but one thing I know for sure: when I look back on my life, I don't think of the low grades or missed classes and assignments; I think about the GREAT times that I had with my awesome friends and the memories we created. Those memories will last a lifetime and always bring a smile to my face no matter what the unmemorable consequence might have been. Life lessons are more valuable than lessons received in a classroom, and it's those lessons that I care to learn.


Now it's cram-time (because that's proven to be effective, right? ;)! So ready to finish this final and begin the celebrations once more!


Today's Quote: "Every man dies. Not every man really lives." -William Wallace