Why Moving Out of Chico was the Best Thing That's Ever Happened to Me

There comes a time in the lives of many where everything changes drastically, you are left wondering who you are, nowadays you're left wondering what you're going to do, and every single thing you knew before, is no longer the same. That time generally comes when you graduate college.

It's a horrific time -- a celebration that you don't realize signifies the end of an ear, the completion of the years where you can act a fool and no one really says anything, and the end of, especially for those of us in Chico, a period in our lives where we literally do not live in the real world, and instead, enjoy living in a bubble (normally formed by Keystone Light). No one can prepare you for the emotions you are going to face when you graduate, because you really have to experience them yourself in order to understand it. It is a VERY strange time in our lives, and you really just have to go through it, try to remain positive, and remember that the good times aren't dead, they're simply different now, more...mature.

But in spite of all the depression that follows one of the most epic weekends of celebrating we'll ever endure (I actually talked myself up for the Feria de abril in Sevilla last week by saying to myself, "Think: grad weekend! If you can rally and do that, you can do anything."), there is a very, very bright light at the end of the tunnel for some of us! Hopefully all, but of course, blanket statements are ALWAYS bad (unless you are making a blanket statement about blanket statements;), and not everyone finds their way after they leave the college bubble. For me, this light really started to shine when I moved here to Spain to follow my heart and my dreams. I can now honestly say, something that will truly shock many, might kill some, and piss off others, that: graduating from college and moving out of Chico was THE BEST thing that has ever happened to me.

Yes, let me repeat that once more to make sure you are really thrown down into your chair..

Graduating college and moving OUT OF Chico was THE BEST thing that has ever happened to me.

Are you fully blown away? Good, I've got your attention.

Now, I will never ever look back on my time in Chico and think, "my gosh, I really wish I didn't have those years of my life." I met some of the most amazing people, got to live in a truly wonderful city, and love so much that I had those experiences, but now that I have been removed from that place for just over a year (which translates to many, many more years in post-grad life), I can really see how detrimental it was on so many different levels.

For one, why is it that we think we aren't drunk enough unless we are completely blacked out? Is it so bad to actually remember our nights? And when did blacking out become the new standard for drinking anyways? I really remember [the beginning of] each night of drinking, being in the process, and I can probably pinpoint at which shot I was sufficiently drunk (in most cases), but did not think it was enough because I was still pretty coherent. I mean, come on, how many of us have "cheers'd" with a shot in hand and actually said, "this will be the one that puts me over"? Yeah, now you're remembering all those times, huh? (*Cough, cough, last weekend, cough cough* <-- If you're still there;) I think it made it even worse that 90% of the time I could be blacked out, and wouldn't appear to be so to those around me, or even aware of it myself. We became experts at hiding how drunk we really were -- our true subject of study. So when you mix that with the desire to be as trashed as everyone around you so you too can make sloppy, bad choices, you get a great, big, awesome mess of a time! (I'm so sorry parents, grandparents, church people, teachers, employers, and etc who are reading this. Please know that I am no longer this way.)

Alcohol is literally the devil's drink. Now that I don't really drink very often, and when I do, drink much, MUCH less, I can honestly say that I think that I used drinking a lot of alcohol as an excuse to do things that I wouldn't do sober. How many people do we know that either made out with or actually slept with more than one or two guys in a night because she was too drunk to decide she probably didn't want to do that? Too many. How many of us have woken up in the morning with low self-esteem because we did something the night before that we would NEVER consider doing had we not been drunk? Too many of us. And how many times did we wake up trying to piece together our nights and no one really knows about large chunks of time? Too many.

THIS IS NOT NORMAL. We are so desensitized these days by movies, TV, and life in general, that it just seems so okay to get hammered and become completely disconnected from ourselves. Yes, of course, sometimes it is really necessary to let loose, forget most of your morals, and just live without inhibitions for a little, but every weekend? Every night? Not so necessary.

 This is me on Halloween in Barcelona in 2009. I think it goes w/o saying that there was a lot of alcohol consumed before this photo was taken.

Here, is the same chick, at about six or seven am after a night of going out when I was in Bilbao just a couple weekends back. The difference? I didn't black out or consume way more than I should have.

And here I am once more, completely stone-cold sober.

<<  Pretty incredible the difference, huh? O_o  >>

My darling dino love said something to me once that really stuck, and is so completely true: "Alcohol disconnects us from our spiritual selves."

This might not mean much to many people, but to me, as someone who is now highly spiritual and really focused on it, that's scary. And since he said it, the couple times I've gone out and drank, without even getting wasted, I could feel it, and I could tell that I was completely disconnected from the me that I have been working to become. I did not like to realize that.

And it is because of this reason that I really feel that leaving Chico was the best thing that could have happened for me. I don't think I would have ever found this deep sense of spirituality had I stayed there. It's possible, because I was definitely starting to acquire it in the final months that I was there, but there, it's so hard not to be a rager when most everyone you know is.

When I got back from studying abroad, things were different. I still went out a lot, obviously still drank too much on given nights, and did some things that I would rather have skipped, but I definitely started to respect myself more, make some changes, and try. But trying can only get you so far if your surroundings do nothing to help. << Friends, I do not mean, in any way, that you prevented my growth. Spiritual growth is something that others can only assist you in, in the end, it all comes down to the person and their actively working to become that way. I love you all, miss you, and know we will have more good times in the future. Perhaps just a little more tasteful.. :) >>

My life and my mentality have changed so drastically since I left Chico, and all those former feelings of depression, confusion, anxiety, and fear that I had when I first graduated and left are completely gone. I feel so much more in touch with myself and the world, and that is incredible. And that is why I can honestly say that graduating from college and moving away from and out of Chico has been the best thing to happen to me yet. (Perhaps it also has something to do with following my heart and pursuing my dreams though? Something I highly suggest everyone do, no matter how scary and impossible they might seem!)

I know there are many who find this type of spirituality, self-awareness, self-love, and so on and so forth while they are in Chico. I mean, let's face it, Chico is a great hippie place. It's a great place to connect with nature, become one with the world, and really explore new things, but for me, being forced to leave was the best thing God could have done for me. I fully support "to each his own," and know that all I'm saying doesn't apply to every single person there (remember, no blanket statements here:), but for myself, and many that I know, to escape it and really discover myself, soberly, separately, has been such a blessing. I will always love Chico and thank it and the people there for those times, but I will forever be grateful that college wasn't more years than it was for me. :)

And those are today, and many of my recent days' thoughts!

Love yourself, love your neighbors, and especially..love OUR EARTH! <3 

As We Grow, We Learn

I screwed up BIG TIME when I went to school and majored in Marketing. But before I get into that, I will give a little glimpse into something else....

There is a fairly good chance I will not be able to go to Spain in January because I do not have any savings. That's right, my idiocy and love for material items could potentially kill the one dream I've had for what seems like my entire life. Pretty typical of us as humans, right? The lust for things tends to kill our true loves far too often, at least here in the U.S.. I remember being a really smart spender when I was younger, always questioning several times if I really needed the item before I bought it. This led me to not make the purchase most of the time, but somewhere along the line, I lost that trait. Now, instead of "do I really need this," I am asking myself, "how much do I love this," and "how high are my feelings of 'can't live without?'" Instead of basing my purchases on if I really need the item or not, I gauge it on how much I am in love with it, and how much it costs/what's its opportunity cost. Because I never absorbed and applied the lessons my parents tried to teach me about saving money and putting some away each month, I am now in a position where I may have to take an alternative path than the one I really want to travel (no pun intended).

So as I begin to look at alternate options for my future, just in case I am unable to go to Spain, I am realizing more and more that, while I may be naturally good at marketing and business, it's not really what I want to do for work, in the conventional way that is. The jobs I find myself more drawn to are more on the end of photography, writing, design, fashion, recreation, human/body studies, fitness, nutrition, travel, exploration, inspiration, and life as a whole. None of these studies were covered in Marketing. At least not in enough depth to really give me a chance of getting an interview for a lot of the jobs I find interesting.

There's a big problem with the way we do things here in the United States. I know I have not traveled the whole world, but I am confident when I say that I have a global understanding, and I know enough about other cultures to know that we are doing it wrong (at least for the kind of person that I am). Here, we are so focused on being born, learning how to talk and walk, going to preschool, kindergarten, grades 1-8, high school, and then, it's expected of us to graduate and go to college. (Well, used to be, now there are shows like "16 & Pregnant" that pretty much condone teen pregnancy, and "Real Housewives" that inspire females to grow up to be dramatic, plastic women instead of actual, real people, and do NOT even get me started on the Kardashians.) I have learned, through firsthand experience, that this is where the problem lies. Too many of us now a days are born into a culture where we have an overload of exposure right off the bat. This leads us to knowing bits and pieces about a lot of different things. For some, it's wonderful, because they learn early-on what it is they want to spend their time and lives doing, but for others, it just means we are left with this interest in a laundry list of things, and not sure what direction to take.

There are so few of us that are actually prepared for college when we are 18-years old. I was in no way ready to go off and begin to start a degree that I'm supposed to use to get a job that I have for the rest of my life. I'm still not ready for that. Sure, I have a better idea now what I would like to spend my life doing, but it's taken me five and a half years to get where I am now! And I realize that we can't just take however many years to figure it out, while we work some job, and then go to college when we have it figured out, but I also think there is something to this: working hard from the time you are allowed to work, saving up your money, and NOT going to college right out of high school, (unless you know what you want to do) but instead, traveling. This would allow us to have more exposure to other people, ways of life, and places, so we can start to learn who we are, what we like, and what we are interested in spending our lives doing. Not to mention, it would instill in people a sense of ownership and a habit of working hard, something I fear too many of us lack these days. It's a flawed system, like so many of them are, and we have outgrown them.

The point is this: I'm looking at jobs I have little chance of ever getting because my degree doesn't match up to what they want, but I know without a doubt I could do the work and do it well. That sucks. And it isn't any better to know that I was swayed from my real interests because we just assume that people will grow out of most of them, and should pick a more generic path that will bring them "success." That is the peril of being influenced and controllable.

Today's thoughts: If I had just followed my desire to work in fashion when I graduated high school, then who knows where I would be today? (This is just one example of paths I thought of pursuing, but did not because I didn't make my own decisions, and because I let my lust for money trump my love.) I am now going backwards because I was too afraid that I wouldn't make a decent living doing what I really love, and that is a shame.

My name is Allison Fedor, and I am done being a sheep!

Back to School

I arrived yesterday. It was a hot day, a very, very warm and beautiful day. The sun was out, the parking lot was empty, and the students were smiling. Yes, that's right, students.

As of yesterday, I came back to school. I have entered the wonderful world of Westmont College in Montecito, California... at least for the next 24 hours.

My sister is a sophomore here (technically a junior because she is such a brainiac and completed enough AP classes in high school to be a year ahead), and I have come to visit her before my departure for Spain. She LOVES it here, and it doesn't take long to understand why.

I came to visit her back in February, and was taken with how beautiful the school was, how nice all the students and faculty are, and of course, it's Montecito, so if you're not taken by the surrounding area, you're likely not capable of seeing (I'm sorry for your loss, but rejoice in your heightened other senses). Their campus is quite hilly, and is full of nature, paths, and quaint little extras that make you smile and feel like you're in a good place. The college is a religious college, but if you're a heathen, you need'int fear, because there will not be people bum rushing you with Bibles upon your entrance into their gates. It's just a beautiful setting, full of seemingly great people.

That's the one thing about this place that continues to surprise me, how incredibly nice everyone is. They are all so polite, to the point that a girl and I were going to grab forks at the same time in the DC (dining hall), and she said "sorry," even though our hands were on opposite sides of the fork cup and never brushed. And I can't count how many times people said "excuse me" or apologized because we almost came close to colliding while walking. Imagine the opposite of being at a rave and all the e-tards who don't know where they are fly by as if there's no one else around. This place is like a slice of somewhere far from reality. I have noticed minimal looks of judgement, but instead seen smiles and freely flowing conversations everywhere. Students who in high school would never associate with one another, now sit together at lunch and enjoy each other's mismatched company. It's a great place, with a lot to offer, and it makes me realize just how much I wish I could go back to college and do it all again.

Last night, my sister and her awesome roomie had a group of friends hanging in their room, and I sat there contemplating going back to school. I've always wished I had studied something that actually was of a professional interest to me, but have always thought the idea of going back to school was ridiculous. But I do think I will go back at some point when I can afford it on my own. I would love to study something that has to do with health/fitness/nutrition, but for now, I will continue to run away from reality, and go live abroad. How satisfied are you with your college experience? Would you do it again if you've already graduated? And if not, have you maximized your time?

(More photos to come after I adventure around the campus.)

 Good old dorm life! Can't say I miss the cramped-space-for-two lifestyle..

 Even the soap dispensers in the restroom have the schools emblem on them!

The view out Andrea and Katie's window -- see, lots of nature :)

Today's Thought: Study what you love. Don't study business (as an example) just because you don't know what you want to do in life and know that business is broad and a good way to make money. Take time off if that's what it takes! Just make sure you don't waste money on an education you could care-less about using. It's better to know yourself and your desires before you dedicate so many resources to something. Discover yourself, so you can study what you want, and bring the best possible you to the rest of the world. Break the mold, and as always, MAKE YOUR OWN REALITY!