ECONOMIC SLAM

A lot of things have been seeming to go wrong, but at the same time, so much has been going so right. And I just had a really intense metaphysical moment, and actually got pissed off. So when you read this, envision it as a little bit of a slam, and don't hold back any of your emotion either. Because I'm pretty confident that most, if not all of us can relate.

For the last 3-4 weeks, I've been having some troubles with my debit cards and accessing my money. It's caused some really uneasy feelings in me, the same ones that always arise when I'm having money trouble or a hard time getting to my money/am in a situation where I feel I don't have enough on me. And it's making me think just how big a source of stress money is, even though I've got it. So if it causes this much inner tension and bad attitude in me because I feel a little helpless, someone who actually can afford to live, I can't even begin to fathom the stress most people are under when they can't afford clean water or proper food or medicine for any part of their families. My gosh, it makes me sick, and so ashamed of how I've been sitting here feeling!

How is it possible that we've allowed our society to come to this? This place, where we are so dependent on money and it's buying power, that we have forgotten that all we need is inside of us, and we shouldn't let lack of money or financial troubles throw us completely off. Yet, we do. Yet, we are. Yet, we have.

It is a very, very sad truth that in our "first world, advanced, western society," 

"Money Is Power!" 

They slam it down our throats from the moment we're born, showing us endless commercials of what we need and want, always in order to be happy, look better, feel better, be better. They make us feel inadequate and weak if we don't have the latest this or the most expensive that. And they make us very, very aware of the fact that we cannot really participate in their society if we don't have enough paper in the pocket. And it's disgusting, because it's just that: paper. And especially those who are on the dollar, it's value-less paper. Even better.

It's perfect that we let ourselves become slaves to this slip that has no value. It's amazing how we kill over these printed pieces. It's mind-blowing how happiness and status have somehow become synonymous with what you do, drive, and have in your accounts. And it's out of control the lengths we go to and the sacrifices we make, just so we can earn enough to get us to the next check. And credit cards? Oh yeah, you must be a major player then if you've got one of those! Platnium? Gold? Black? Oh my gosh, you must be the King of the Earth with those words surrounding your name! Congratulations, you have conquered.

And

for

what?

So we can go on buying things that don't really make us happy, don't really make us better, and definitely don't contribute to a better quality of life? So we can contribute to the spending society, and be so busy being caught up on the latest iPhone, Audi, system, size, and symbol, that we forget to contribute to the Universal Society of Being [happy]?

As soon as I felt how my entire Being shifted entirely and completely simply because I am couchsurfing at someone's house I have to leave tomorrow and have no apartment yet, but need one, and need to get and pay for one, but only have 20 euros in cash, another 20 in my account, and money in a place I can't access from here because I only have a temporary, 30-day debit card attached to it that expired at least 60 days ago, and clearly I'm out of the country, so it makes it a little bit more complicated to sort, I became so angry at myself and the way I was letting this affect me. Because I know that it's all going to work out. I know that it's all going to be perfectly fine. I know there's absolutely no reason to permit this tension to rise inside me and hang out in my chest. Because it's always fine, and it always works out, and the tension is always useless.

And then, after realizing all of this, and reminding myself to breath deeply, because I was being a completely faithless little fool, I became so angry at money, and so overwhelmed by what it does to us, what it's done to us. And I became so embarrassed that, in the middle of all these insane blessings that are being dumped on me -- finding out on the very last day, that there is one spot that opened up in the Integrated Kinesiology course I really, really wanted to take in Sevilla this year, meaning I can start studying things that I want to apply to my future, practices I want to practice for the rest of my life, things that will fulfill me and help others in a natural, pure way; or pulling out my "Play Banjo" DVD out so I can start learning to play a beautiful instrument that was gifted to me by such an incredible human, and use a-whole-nother bit of my brain, aiding me in expanding and entering the next level of living and Being; or being offered a place to stay, even though family members start coming for the wedding tomorrow, but I'm still here; or uploading all the hundreds of pictures I've taken over the last three months, spread out in seven countries, that are filled with love and smiling faces and new sights, all reminders of all the blessings I've received this summer -- I could even have the capacity to be stressed or ungrateful.

How shameful. How sad.

But I refuse to give in, give up, and let all this get me down.
Because I am aware. I am conscious. And I am fully and consciously aware that I. want. more!
I want more than a life dependent on other people paying me! I want more than an existence that is reliant on energy grids and government supplements! And I want more than to play along with it all and act like it's ok, because the space inside my head is pretty and positive! No, that's no longer enough! It's time to activate!

So I hereby vow, to do all that I possibly can, to support local farmers, local businesses, and be an economic and environmental spender. Because as long as I live in a society where my money is my power, I want to invest it well, in companies who are looking out for the planet and all her inhabitants. I vow to research and learn what I can, so that I can work towards an independent existence, and one that contributes to improving the quality of life for all Beings, energetically and physically. And I promise, to continue these conscious practices, so I can never again get so worked up over money, that I write some twisted remix version of slam poetry. Because I know better than to give energy to what I don't want. So here and now, I will tell you what I do:

Equality for all Beings! Clean drinking water for all! Good, healthy, organic food for all! Natural healing and organic medicine for all! A sense of contentment for all! Knowledge that YOU ARE LOVE, for all! To remind all of us, that we are stronger than they want us to think, and far more powerful than our bank accounts might tell us we are and the mirror might make us feel! That we are one, we are a unite, and while our hearts may beat inside each of our own chests, they beat together, as one, creating a Universal Heartbeat (and that sh-- is powerful)! We are the Source, and the Source is Us! And it's our world, our lives, so let's live them joyfully, and not sacrifice our eternal happiness for the sake of filling someone else's pockets! 

We band together, 

and we stand as one! 

Because we are all connected, 

and that can never be undone!

BLESS IT!

<3

As We Grow, We Learn

I screwed up BIG TIME when I went to school and majored in Marketing. But before I get into that, I will give a little glimpse into something else....

There is a fairly good chance I will not be able to go to Spain in January because I do not have any savings. That's right, my idiocy and love for material items could potentially kill the one dream I've had for what seems like my entire life. Pretty typical of us as humans, right? The lust for things tends to kill our true loves far too often, at least here in the U.S.. I remember being a really smart spender when I was younger, always questioning several times if I really needed the item before I bought it. This led me to not make the purchase most of the time, but somewhere along the line, I lost that trait. Now, instead of "do I really need this," I am asking myself, "how much do I love this," and "how high are my feelings of 'can't live without?'" Instead of basing my purchases on if I really need the item or not, I gauge it on how much I am in love with it, and how much it costs/what's its opportunity cost. Because I never absorbed and applied the lessons my parents tried to teach me about saving money and putting some away each month, I am now in a position where I may have to take an alternative path than the one I really want to travel (no pun intended).

So as I begin to look at alternate options for my future, just in case I am unable to go to Spain, I am realizing more and more that, while I may be naturally good at marketing and business, it's not really what I want to do for work, in the conventional way that is. The jobs I find myself more drawn to are more on the end of photography, writing, design, fashion, recreation, human/body studies, fitness, nutrition, travel, exploration, inspiration, and life as a whole. None of these studies were covered in Marketing. At least not in enough depth to really give me a chance of getting an interview for a lot of the jobs I find interesting.

There's a big problem with the way we do things here in the United States. I know I have not traveled the whole world, but I am confident when I say that I have a global understanding, and I know enough about other cultures to know that we are doing it wrong (at least for the kind of person that I am). Here, we are so focused on being born, learning how to talk and walk, going to preschool, kindergarten, grades 1-8, high school, and then, it's expected of us to graduate and go to college. (Well, used to be, now there are shows like "16 & Pregnant" that pretty much condone teen pregnancy, and "Real Housewives" that inspire females to grow up to be dramatic, plastic women instead of actual, real people, and do NOT even get me started on the Kardashians.) I have learned, through firsthand experience, that this is where the problem lies. Too many of us now a days are born into a culture where we have an overload of exposure right off the bat. This leads us to knowing bits and pieces about a lot of different things. For some, it's wonderful, because they learn early-on what it is they want to spend their time and lives doing, but for others, it just means we are left with this interest in a laundry list of things, and not sure what direction to take.

There are so few of us that are actually prepared for college when we are 18-years old. I was in no way ready to go off and begin to start a degree that I'm supposed to use to get a job that I have for the rest of my life. I'm still not ready for that. Sure, I have a better idea now what I would like to spend my life doing, but it's taken me five and a half years to get where I am now! And I realize that we can't just take however many years to figure it out, while we work some job, and then go to college when we have it figured out, but I also think there is something to this: working hard from the time you are allowed to work, saving up your money, and NOT going to college right out of high school, (unless you know what you want to do) but instead, traveling. This would allow us to have more exposure to other people, ways of life, and places, so we can start to learn who we are, what we like, and what we are interested in spending our lives doing. Not to mention, it would instill in people a sense of ownership and a habit of working hard, something I fear too many of us lack these days. It's a flawed system, like so many of them are, and we have outgrown them.

The point is this: I'm looking at jobs I have little chance of ever getting because my degree doesn't match up to what they want, but I know without a doubt I could do the work and do it well. That sucks. And it isn't any better to know that I was swayed from my real interests because we just assume that people will grow out of most of them, and should pick a more generic path that will bring them "success." That is the peril of being influenced and controllable.

Today's thoughts: If I had just followed my desire to work in fashion when I graduated high school, then who knows where I would be today? (This is just one example of paths I thought of pursuing, but did not because I didn't make my own decisions, and because I let my lust for money trump my love.) I am now going backwards because I was too afraid that I wouldn't make a decent living doing what I really love, and that is a shame.

My name is Allison Fedor, and I am done being a sheep!

Money Sucks

I am so tired of money running the world, and of Pinterest for making me increasingly aware of all the goodies that are out there, but that I can in no way afford now, or likely anytime in the next 20 years. I realize that I should be a bit more optimistic about it, but when the price tag for a pair of heels is pushing $1,500, I must be a realist.

Balenciaga<3 

Money really does suck. It deprives people of the things they really need in life, such as food, water, and a coat in the winter and education, and the things a lot of people really want in life, such as to travel the world, look fashionable and chic, and be able to ditch the day job and hit the road to helping other people. (Not that this is in essence a description of me or anything, never!) Why can't we go back to the good ol' days when people traded and bartered in order to get what they needed and wanted? You know, I want your daughter, so here is my fattest pig, I would like some fresh water to drink, so here is a corn on the cob, and the best (I think) something like, I would like a bit of loin cloth to cover my genitals, so here is a beautiful flower headdress. I am well aware of the face that different materials and products possess different value so trading a Ferrari for a sandwich won't exactly be a fair trade, but the basic things that we all generally use and need on a daily basis should absolutely have some sort of trade value.

I am going to start a commune. It will be clothing optional, located near hot springs for swimming, mountains for climbing, and require no money. We will grow our own crops, fish from the nearby lake, and have a natural fresh water source that we can access. Cows, pigs, and chickens will be welcome, but as pets, not food, or means of trade for like a Boston Cream Pie that the city next door might have, since we certainly won't have ovens. Yes, it seems a bit far-fetched, but I am certain that my future holds a period of time in which I will live in this way. You can either join me, or stay away with your filthy pollution and greedy ways! ;)

Today's Thought: Not a thought, just mere curiosity... I sit here pouring my soul out to all of you (there are all of you, right? hmm..), but rarely have anyone that comments back. But now that I have described to you my future commune (remember, you're welcome to join as long as your are a peaceful, loving, and positive creature), I would like to know a little about your perfect world. What would it involve?

Facebook -- Money Hungry

I am so tired of companies and people putting all their energy into making money. When did people stop caring about other people and start caring only about making a pretty penny? It's a total load of crap, I think, when most companies say they are doing things "for the people," or "in the best interest of our customers." I bet my bottom dollar (which after this move, is more like 52 cents) that somewhere in there they are getting a HUGE payday for whatever "good-for-the-people" decision they're making.

Facebook is my prime example. Do you REALLY NEED TO MAKE MORE MONEY!?! Do you really need to provide kids under 13-years old the capability to access all the crap, creeps, and freaks out there more than they already have at their typing little tips!? What happened to the good 'ol Facebook days when it was just for college students, or even when it was for college students and above? Granted, I made my account when I was a senior in high school, but it was because I was going to be going to college in the coming months. Now, my grandmother, pastor, cousins, people's pets, and little kids are running around in this cyber world for adults -- it's insanity!

There is so much crap out there on the Net for people to access, and kids these days have it hard enough growing up with all these societal pressures they're under, does Facebook really need to add to it? An online personality is generally a fake personality. It's a space where you have total control of the content that you put out and that others see about you. You can create yourself however you want to be -- touch up your photos so you look perfect, figure out just what you want to say, and how, so it can be perceived by your readers, and for crying out loud, in the "About Me" section, how often do you read things like, "lazy," "rude," "inconsiderate," or any other negative attribute? We only highlight our benefits, completely ignoring all the shitty things about ourselves.

If Facebook opens up its cyber-doors to under 13's, not only will they have the pressure to conform to all the images that society wants it to, but they will have to worry about their online image as well. That is way too much pressure for someone to deal with, especially someone who has puberty right around the corner -- my goodness, that's pressure enough!

The bottom-line is this: Facebook, you already monopolize the social media world as it is, and just because going public[ly traded] turned out to be a total backfire, doesn't mean that you should try and compensate by opening your distracting service to everyone and their mother (literally, and grandmother, and pets, and dead relatives). Let's take things back to what they're really about, loving one another and taking care of one another, not polluting one another's lives with more garbage than necessary.

Okay? Thanks.

Today's Thought: Is unnecessary considering this whole post was one.