Newest Desire

So anyone that knows me well, or not-so-well, or anyone that reads this blog regularly, has probably grasped by now that I am, like many women, completely unsure of what I want in life. I do not know what I want to other than a) help people, b) spread the word of God, c) travel, d) write, and e) photograph, and I have been graduated from college for almost a year now. (Can we talk about where that time went!?! Unbelievable!) But I recently have been getting much more into yoga and pilates, and am thinking I might like to become certified in these practices, and open up my own studio somewhere down the line.

I took my first yoga class during my sophomore year of college (2008) at the gym I was going to, and didn't think much of it at the time. It was a great way to relax, but my balance and land skills weren't the best after I quit playing land sports, and I was still playing water polo and drinking heavily at the time, so something as calm as yoga didn't really match up with my mentality. I loved it after an intense spin class or other type of cardio workout, but never thought I would become a practicing yogi. I was way too ADD to do something as slow and centralized as yoga, or so I thought.

Since I have graduated and not been forced to learn, I have this thirst for knowledge and desire to actually learn things. I've mentioned before that I would love to go back to school and study something I am actually interested in like health/fitness/nutrition. My current favorite idea is one where I go back to school and study these things, while practicing yoga, meditation, and pilates, so I can open up my own yoga/pilates studio, and offer nutrition counseling and personal training. It would also force me to work out, which seems to be about the only times it actually happens..when my body starts to shape-shift into something I don't recognize or desire, or someone else is making me.

Of course, this is just another idea of something I think I might enjoy doing right now, but if you know me, I'd hope you think I would make a good fitness instructor (loud, motivating, but in an encouraging way, and energetic). The human body has always fascinated me, and even though anatomy and physiology are difficult courses, I've always loved them when I've had them, or exposure to different aspects of them. This would also fulfill my desire to help people. Helping them be healthy and live in a more conscious and calm state would be very gratifying, and it would also help me to stay in the kind of mentality that I want to be in at all times -- calm, centered, thankful, positive, and joyful. Also, there are lots of conferences, studies, and gatherings for yoga/meditation/pilates, so I could fulfill my need to travel and explore.

There are so many things I want to do in my life, and I think it is time that I really get out there and start making them happen, because I have no idea if Spain is going to happen for me. The latest update on Spain, other than my flight being rescheduled for the 9th of January, is that I might not be able to go in January at all. The school cannot make that decision, and has to check with the local school authorities that run the international program. So, all my plans and ideas about Spain could take a bit of a 90* turn at some point. (Explanation as to why a 90* turn instead of 180* turn coming after I learn more myself.)

Today's Thought: I have no idea if Spain is going to happen for me, so I've gotta start thinking of some back-up plans. I have no idea where my path leads, but I'm looking forward to the journey, and the destination. And I have nothing to worry, stress or fear in all of this, because where ever I end up will be perfect, and where I am supposed to be.

Back to School

I arrived yesterday. It was a hot day, a very, very warm and beautiful day. The sun was out, the parking lot was empty, and the students were smiling. Yes, that's right, students.

As of yesterday, I came back to school. I have entered the wonderful world of Westmont College in Montecito, California... at least for the next 24 hours.

My sister is a sophomore here (technically a junior because she is such a brainiac and completed enough AP classes in high school to be a year ahead), and I have come to visit her before my departure for Spain. She LOVES it here, and it doesn't take long to understand why.

I came to visit her back in February, and was taken with how beautiful the school was, how nice all the students and faculty are, and of course, it's Montecito, so if you're not taken by the surrounding area, you're likely not capable of seeing (I'm sorry for your loss, but rejoice in your heightened other senses). Their campus is quite hilly, and is full of nature, paths, and quaint little extras that make you smile and feel like you're in a good place. The college is a religious college, but if you're a heathen, you need'int fear, because there will not be people bum rushing you with Bibles upon your entrance into their gates. It's just a beautiful setting, full of seemingly great people.

That's the one thing about this place that continues to surprise me, how incredibly nice everyone is. They are all so polite, to the point that a girl and I were going to grab forks at the same time in the DC (dining hall), and she said "sorry," even though our hands were on opposite sides of the fork cup and never brushed. And I can't count how many times people said "excuse me" or apologized because we almost came close to colliding while walking. Imagine the opposite of being at a rave and all the e-tards who don't know where they are fly by as if there's no one else around. This place is like a slice of somewhere far from reality. I have noticed minimal looks of judgement, but instead seen smiles and freely flowing conversations everywhere. Students who in high school would never associate with one another, now sit together at lunch and enjoy each other's mismatched company. It's a great place, with a lot to offer, and it makes me realize just how much I wish I could go back to college and do it all again.

Last night, my sister and her awesome roomie had a group of friends hanging in their room, and I sat there contemplating going back to school. I've always wished I had studied something that actually was of a professional interest to me, but have always thought the idea of going back to school was ridiculous. But I do think I will go back at some point when I can afford it on my own. I would love to study something that has to do with health/fitness/nutrition, but for now, I will continue to run away from reality, and go live abroad. How satisfied are you with your college experience? Would you do it again if you've already graduated? And if not, have you maximized your time?

(More photos to come after I adventure around the campus.)

 Good old dorm life! Can't say I miss the cramped-space-for-two lifestyle..

 Even the soap dispensers in the restroom have the schools emblem on them!

The view out Andrea and Katie's window -- see, lots of nature :)

Today's Thought: Study what you love. Don't study business (as an example) just because you don't know what you want to do in life and know that business is broad and a good way to make money. Take time off if that's what it takes! Just make sure you don't waste money on an education you could care-less about using. It's better to know yourself and your desires before you dedicate so many resources to something. Discover yourself, so you can study what you want, and bring the best possible you to the rest of the world. Break the mold, and as always, MAKE YOUR OWN REALITY! 

Part Of Your World

As I walked on my old college campus yesterday (and yes, I fully intend to ignore the fact that it's only been my old campus as of about a month ago:), I felt more nostalgic than I dreamed possible. And to be quite frank, I felt a bit like Ariel from The Little Mermaid. I had "Part of Your World" playing in my head on repeat, much to my own surprise. But before I get on with my point, I will take you on a drift/story-sesh to inform you as to why I was even wandering on the campus in the first place. And so we find ourselves going back to the thing that originally gave me the idea for the title of this blog...

A.D.D. Drift: Yesterday I went out to tea, and when I left my roommate on the couch watching the latest episode of The Bachelor (By the way, Ben F., you're off your rocker if you can't see the Courtney that everyone else does. And if you ever ditch Casey B., I will boycott!!!), I stupidly assumed she would still be there when I returned. Obviously I failed to realize that not everyone is living in the couch-sitting, television-watching, time-wasting period that I currently am, and actually have responsibilities and places to go/things to do, so I didn't grab a house key. So I get back from tea and I am locked out. But not just locked out, I have had to, pardon me but, use the restroom since before going to tea (over an hour by this point). Now I'm not only locked out without my house key, but I've spent the last 1.5hrs on the verge of wetting my army green skinny jeans, have no car key so that I can at least go pick up my laundry, no bike key to bike anywhere to do something in the meantime, but it's also starting to get dark (it's now about 5:30pm), which means I'm starting to get colder. And to top it off, neither of my roomies are answering their phones, and none of my neighbor friends are home, because, as previously mentioned, they have things to do with their time. So I waited outside on the porch diddling around on my phone for about 20-25 minutes before deciding it was time to become proactive. (Translation: I heard from my roomie, Toke and figured out where she was/that she would be in class till almost 9pm.) After much debate between going around the side of the house to "pop a squat," or walking to campus to pick up her key from her/using the facilities there, I finally decided that taking the short walk to campus was the best and most publicly accepted solution. And walk to campus I did! It was during this time that I..........

Can get back on the point of this whole entry :)

I was utterly surprised when I was walking on the campus. It has been just over a month since I completed my undergraduate studies, so it was shocking to be walking on campus and feel that it is still the place I belong, but also a place that I no longer feel I can call my own. I am officially an alumn, which means that while I can always consider Chico my college town, I cannot consider it to be the place where my life takes place (even though it still currently does). While I probably have countless things in common with many of the students, I am not among the student body anymore. Such a mix of emotions came over me, ranging from proud for having graduated, sad for not having more time, and excited to see what would be coming up next.

It was just another little knock on my mental door from the reality I now face. Growing up is weird my friends. It's not as much fun as we think it is when we're 8-years old, wearing our mom's make-up all over our faces, her heels that are 5+ sizes too big, and dresses that could fit us, and all our friends inside. It's messy, it's unpredictable, and all the planning in the world could fail you when the time actually arrives. But I do not say all of this to be disheartening or pessimistic, even if it may come off in that way. I'm just taking you all along on my up and down life ride! So strap in, because it's been, and will continue to be, a wild one :)

Now I will leave you with this little tid-bit. And always remember that no matter how much you may feel like you "want to be a part of their world," chances are that someone is looking in on yours and thinking the exact same thing!

Today's Quote: "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." -Friedrich Nietzsche

*Knock Knock* Who's There? LIFE.

Pretty funny joke eh? NOT. Today marks the first day of the spring semester for thousands of students everywhere, as well as a SERIOUS smack in the face from reality and my life. I knew all along that when today came it would really hit me that I no longer am a student, and that it's time to get my life going, but I didn't realize how directionless it would make me feel. I don't have work this week except for Thursday, I can't get into the gym until it's time for the girls' practice (as I am one of the assistant coaches), and  I don't have classes to attend, as we've previously reviewed. Conclusion: I HAVE NOTHING GOING ON IN MY LIFE!! 8-O Waaaaaaa!!!

So what's this almost-23-year old gal supposed to do with her time of nothing-ness? Get into some new shows that are On Demand of course! Alcatraz and The Finder are my chosen ones :) Alcatraz had me hooked before the first commercial break came on, with all of it's mystery, crime, and action; and let's face it, I am no way going to not be obsessed with The Finder when it stars Geoff Stults! Can you say hunk!? And it also stars, in the words of Chelsea Handler, one of my favorite Chocolate Chunks, Michael Clark Duncan. But real talk, my goals for the day are to finish my application for the North American Language and Culture Assistants in Spain (finally...), as well as seek out other employment opportunities (those that are more along the "career path").

This week is officially a wake-up call to the fact that that whole phrase about today deciding tomorrow is more flipping true than I could have ever imagined. I've always known that whatever I'm currently doing is the status of my life, but now I really realize it. Me sitting here on my couch watching the first episode of The Finder is absolutely no way close to making a right step towards a positive future. I am not sleeping tonight until I finish my Spain app, and accomplish a couple more tasks of productivity on my to-do list. I also really need to figure out this whole gym thing.. I wonder if I can be a spin instructor without being a trained instructor? Guess there's no time like the present to find out, huh? ;)

I am taking things on with a whole new view on being productive. I think it helps knowing that everyone around me is being productive (ie. working, going to school, etc), so it makes me want to show that I'm not just doing nothing, but instead doing something! It's your life people, and you've gotta take a hold of the reigns and steer it in the direction that you want it to go! And I know for a fact I don't want mine going onto the couch everyday!

Today's Quote: "Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present." -Jim Rohn

Reality, Check!

I am more than proud and excited to say that I only have one final remaining! Tomorrow morning at 10am I will be presented with the last college exam of my life!! And as I sit here at our student recreation center (Wrec), laptop open, trying to study for the upcoming final, I suddenly realized that my life as I've known it for the last 4.5 years ends tomorrow. But with that realization comes one that the rest of my life will truly begin tomorrow! Everything I've become used to as my reality will be changed and replaced. It's a scary thought, a strange thought, a confusing and unbelievable thought, but also an incredibly exciting one. But if I'm being completely honest, as I promise to always be with you, the feelings of excitement I used to feel are no where to be found at the current moment. They are replaced by feelings of fear and uncertainty. Fear that my life may not work out in the way I hope it will, and uncertainty because I know the things I want in life are among the biggest of all dreams. However, it is in my nature to believe that I can make anything happen and achieve whatever I set out to, so my optimism will return and I will be overtaken by the knowledge that I've held onto for the last few months: God has an incredibly big plan for my life. I do not yet know what it is, where it will take me, or anything that it might involve, but I do know that it is great and will be worth while. We're going to do very big things together and make a positive impact and change on this wonderful world He's created. 


And now that I've once again used this blog as a self-help/calming sesh, I will return to my studies. One of my roommates has hit the landmark I will reach tomorrow (completion of undergrad studies) and we are celebrating tonight! Which means I need to get all my studying in now so I can really let loose and help her celebrate the beginning of the rest of her life!


Today's quote is one that I use, and will always use, to help me stay on track and keep my ultimate goal in mind (ultimate goal being to make a positive change in the world, help people, and help guide the world towards peace and unity): "Be the change you wish to see in the world." -Gandhi 

I Can Taste It

The end of my college career is coming to a close, it's so close, I can taste it! In four days, after hundreds of flashcards, spending more hours in the library than at my own home, and completing six finals, I will no longer be able to fill in my occupation as "student" on anything...ever again. So what comes next? What will my next occupation be? Here is a short list of things that I wish were suitable and acceptable answers:

• Peace maker
• Traveler
• Nomad
• Little kid trapped in a grown up's body
• Socialite 
• Foodie
• Ball of energy
• Person to offer encouragement to others
• Motivator
• Free spirit 

And that is all that my congested head cares to think up at the moment 8P

I've finished the flashcards for both finals I have tomorrow (services marketing and retailing), but now must get to the 'hard' part of actually memorizing them. So now this A.D.D. drift of a post will conclude, so I can learn fast, and go to sleep even faster :) 

My reminder of the week: In four days it will all be over, so you better work hard b/c you don't want to look back and regret not finishing strong and putting in all the effort you possibly could!

Today's Quote: "Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Cheers and a Banger

Well, I did it, I made it through 20 years of school...almost! I officially attended the last college course I will ever have to take in my life! And I can tell you one thing is for sure, my smile was never so big walking into that classroom! The professor only kept us for 35 of the 75 minutes, and to be honest, I almost wish he'd kept us the whole time. Ya know, just so I could really embrace the last moments of my life as a student. Such a mix of emotions are running through me right now. I am certainly feeling proud of myself for making it through these last 4.5 years with the grace that I have ;) But now as the hours pass since I exited that room for almost the last time (still have finals), I think the nostalgia is kicking in and I'm starting to feel a little sad, maybe a little freaked. Okay, A LOT freaked. Mostly because I have been living my life these last few months with the thought in my head that I will be carving my own way, foraging my own path like none other before me, and didn't need to really try to find a job. I think I didn't really believe that college would end. It has been such a little bubble, far away from any reality I see grown-ups living in, and therefore un-pop-able. But not to stress, I have always had the feeling inside me that this life has something MAJOR in store for me. Now all I have to do is wait for that pivotal "a-ha" moment to come when I realize, "Yes, this, this is what I was always meant to do." 


A.D.D. Drift: I thought I should share with you all this little pearl of goodness-- if you like it when your body tingles and you can't help but move to the groove, then you'll love this track. Coming to you straight from one of my favorite music blogs, get ready to get amped up for the weekend with the deeeeeep bass in this face melting BANGER!

Now it is on to the studies so I can ensure that this semester, truly is my last. What a trip!


And today's quote is one that I've been telling myself quite a lot the last couple of weeks, and intend to continue telling myself until I die: "Life's a ride, and I'm along for it!" 

The Finals Stretch

I am losing my crazy mind right meow!! Finals week must have been invented by someone who had an arch enemy with A.D.D. and was looking for a way to spite their life, because this is redonkulous! I think that in some far-away culture this form of living must be considered torture and punishment, right!?! To the good fellow who thought finals would be a good idea, THIS IS FOR YOU.....

My "angry" face, a token of my current feelings about needing to be productive and studious.

I have been in the library since 3:00 and only have 12 note cards, some organized notes, and scanned copies of my transcript to show for it! And the fact that I am, and have been since August 22nd, completely over school, doesn't help my case in any way. I just keep telling myself that it will all be over in a mere 8 days (including non-school/test days), and that quitting now would be highly unacceptable and ridiculous. But ohhh mannnn, is it hard not to just throw in the towel! It's really quite unfortunate that these coming finals are so very important for my grades, because I would really enjoy putting in minimal effort and instead spend my time with my friends who will be leaving soon. So sad this can't be a part of the reality I intend to create. :( 

I suppose I should be looking at this on the up-side though-- finals don't start until Monday, and I'm already in the library preparing for them! Hah, there we go, positivity! I feel better about myself already! Who would have thunk it, that blogging would become a form of self-therapy? Eggcellent! And now that I have released this momentary emotional spurt, I will return to the PowerPoint slides and flashcards that drove me here in the first place! Enjoy the rest of your hump day everyone and be forewarned: I am officially going to move on from my 20-year role as a student in EIGHT DAYS!!! Which means...LOTS of fun blog entries to come, as I will surely be in a total state of distortion.

Today's Quote (which is particularly appropriate for my current state): 

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." -Buddha

:)