Tuesday, September 23, 2014


A lot of things have been seeming to go wrong, but at the same time, so much has been going so right. And I just had a really intense metaphysical moment, and actually got pissed off. So when you read this, envision it as a little bit of a slam, and don't hold back any of your emotion either. Because I'm pretty confident that most, if not all of us can relate.

For the last 3-4 weeks, I've been having some troubles with my debit cards and accessing my money. It's caused some really uneasy feelings in me, the same ones that always arise when I'm having money trouble or a hard time getting to my money/am in a situation where I feel I don't have enough on me. And it's making me think just how big a source of stress money is, even though I've got it. So if it causes this much inner tension and bad attitude in me because I feel a little helpless, someone who actually can afford to live, I can't even begin to fathom the stress most people are under when they can't afford clean water or proper food or medicine for any part of their families. My gosh, it makes me sick, and so ashamed of how I've been sitting here feeling!

How is it possible that we've allowed our society to come to this? This place, where we are so dependent on money and it's buying power, that we have forgotten that all we need is inside of us, and we shouldn't let lack of money or financial troubles throw us completely off. Yet, we do. Yet, we are. Yet, we have.

It is a very, very sad truth that in our "first world, advanced, western society," 
"Money Is Power!" 

They slam it down our throats from the moment we're born, showing us endless commercials of what we need and want, always in order to be happy, look better, feel better, be better. They make us feel inadequate and weak if we don't have the latest this or the most expensive that. And they make us very, very aware of the fact that we cannot really participate in their society if we don't have enough paper in the pocket. And it's disgusting, because it's just that: paper. And especially those who are on the dollar, it's value-less paper. Even better.

It's perfect that we let ourselves become slaves to this slip that has no value. It's amazing how we kill over these printed pieces. It's mind-blowing how happiness and status have somehow become synonymous with what you do, drive, and have in your accounts. And it's out of control the lengths we go to and the sacrifices we make, just so we can earn enough to get us to the next check. And credit cards? Oh yeah, you must be a major player then if you've got one of those! Platnium? Gold? Black? Oh my gosh, you must be the King of the Earth with those words surrounding your name! Congratulations, you have conquered.


So we can go on buying things that don't really make us happy, don't really make us better, and definitely don't contribute to a better quality of life? So we can contribute to the spending society, and be so busy being caught up on the latest iPhone, Audi, system, size, and symbol, that we forget to contribute to the Universal Society of Being [happy]?

As soon as I felt how my entire Being shifted entirely and completely simply because I am couchsurfing at someone's house I have to leave tomorrow and have no apartment yet, but need one, and need to get and pay for one, but only have 20 euros in cash, another 20 in my account, and money in a place I can't access from here because I only have a temporary, 30-day debit card attached to it that expired at least 60 days ago, and clearly I'm out of the country, so it makes it a little bit more complicated to sort, I became so angry at myself and the way I was letting this affect me. Because I know that it's all going to work out. I know that it's all going to be perfectly fine. I know there's absolutely no reason to permit this tension to rise inside me and hang out in my chest. Because it's always fine, and it always works out, and the tension is always useless.

And then, after realizing all of this, and reminding myself to breath deeply, because I was being a completely faithless little fool, I became so angry at money, and so overwhelmed by what it does to us, what it's done to us. And I became so embarrassed that, in the middle of all these insane blessings that are being dumped on me -- finding out on the very last day, that there is one spot that opened up in the Integrated Kinesiology course I really, really wanted to take in Sevilla this year, meaning I can start studying things that I want to apply to my future, practices I want to practice for the rest of my life, things that will fulfill me and help others in a natural, pure way; or pulling out my "Play Banjo" DVD out so I can start learning to play a beautiful instrument that was gifted to me by such an incredible human, and use a-whole-nother bit of my brain, aiding me in expanding and entering the next level of living and Being; or being offered a place to stay, even though family members start coming for the wedding tomorrow, but I'm still here; or uploading all the hundreds of pictures I've taken over the last three months, spread out in seven countries, that are filled with love and smiling faces and new sights, all reminders of all the blessings I've received this summer -- I could even have the capacity to be stressed or ungrateful.

How shameful. How sad.

But I refuse to give in, give up, and let all this get me down.
Because I am aware. I am conscious. And I am fully and consciously aware that I. want. more!
I want more than a life dependent on other people paying me! I want more than an existence that is reliant on energy grids and government supplements! And I want more than to play along with it all and act like it's ok, because the space inside my head is pretty and positive! No, that's no longer enough! It's time to activate!

So I hereby vow, to do all that I possibly can, to support local farmers, local businesses, and be an economic and environmental spender. Because as long as I live in a society where my money is my power, I want to invest it well, in companies who are looking out for the planet and all her inhabitants. I vow to research and learn what I can, so that I can work towards an independent existence, and one that contributes to improving the quality of life for all Beings, energetically and physically. And I promise, to continue these conscious practices, so I can never again get so worked up over money, that I write some twisted remix version of slam poetry. Because I know better than to give energy to what I don't want. So here and now, I will tell you what I do:

Equality for all Beings! Clean drinking water for all! Good, healthy, organic food for all! Natural healing and organic medicine for all! A sense of contentment for all! Knowledge that YOU ARE LOVE, for all! To remind all of us, that we are stronger than they want us to think, and far more powerful than our bank accounts might tell us we are and the mirror might make us feel! That we are one, we are a unite, and while our hearts may beat inside each of our own chests, they beat together, as one, creating a Universal Heartbeat (and that sh-- is powerful)! We are the Source, and the Source is Us! And it's our world, our lives, so let's live them joyfully, and not sacrifice our eternal happiness for the sake of filling someone else's pockets! 

We band together, 
and we stand as one! 
Because we are all connected, 
and that can never be undone!


That's A Wrap

Well, I am officially no longer on summer holiday, which means I am "able" to check back into the blog world! Ok, I guess I kind of am still technically on summer break, but I've stopped traveling, have work meetings and classes to plan, papers to sign and things to figure out, and am now in my new town, Ecija, looking for an apartment. So to me, that says, "Sorry girl, but your summer is up. But hey, look on the bright side, paychecks will be coming your way soon-ish!" Another bright side: a totally new year, full of new experiences, in a new place!

Where I am living/working this year is an hour from Sevilla, 45 mintues from Cordoba, and nicknamed "La Sarten" (the frying pan), because it's the hottest place in all of Spain. Get excited for me now or later, either way is really fine. I'm going to be living here for nine months, and after the amazing three months of travel I've just had, I'm finding it so hard to accept that I will be "stationary" here for "so long". Even harder to accept that I am actually staying in Spain another year, giving it so much more time in my young years/life, and continuing to do the same thing I've been doing for the last year and a half. Don't get me wrong, I've nothing against it, just. . . the idea of staying in the same country for nearly three years, is a bit anxiety-provoking for me, considering all the ideas I have, places I want to go/live in, and things I want to do, all before I'm 30.

Teaching has been such a rewarding and fruitful experience for me, and I love Spain so much, but I was really unsure about making the easy choice to take my new placement and stay another school year. I felt like maybe I was copping out by choosing to stay, chasing paper instead of passion. It was clearly the easiest choice I could have made. I didn't have to move too far, I didn't have to look too hard for a second job, and I didn't have to go to another new, foreign place to start completely fresh, with no job security. On one hand, I wanted to just show up somewhere, trusting that God would lead me into the right job or opportunity. Go to a farm and volunteer or do a work trade somewhere. Go to Asia and find a practiced healer and ask to study with them. I knew it would all turn out, and be so rewarding, but I also knew that staying in Spain was a really good way to make money, save money, and then embark on my Big Trip. So I opted to stay, hoping that moving to a new town would satisfy my "I've surpassed nine months here, and am ready for the next place/thing" feelings. (I tend to, after nine months anywhere, be satisfied with my time, and ready to get on to the next place.)

Ecija has 40,000 residents, and is considered a big village by many, though the town itself isn't very large. It's got a really rich history, and is a really charming and welcoming town. But it is definitely a town, and I will definitely be seeing my students all over it whenever I'm out and about, as well as their parents. For some, this would be an issue, but I don't particularly like alcohol, so there's no "oh crap, my student's parents will see me drunk in the streets" going on, thankfully. But there isn't going to be as much separation between my work life and outside-the-classroom life as I'd like there to be. Which is also, strangely, part of the draw to living in a small town (assuming you like your students). Also thankfully, this summer has left me feeling so incredibly optimistic and aligned, that I'm sure this year is going to be full to the brim with goodness and further growth!

This school year, I am planning on learning to play my banjo, studying Italian, becoming a Reiki master, taking an Integrated Kinesiology class in Sevilla, learning to juggle, exercising regularly and getting back into my semi-obsessive healthy habits, reading as many books and articles as possible, and working on furthering my connection to all that surrounds me through the Holy Spirit/allowing God to take me into my next dimension. Because it's a small town, I'm going to have to get really creative and be really active if I want to avoid becoming bored and stagnant, so that's also really good -- forced motivation. And with it being so close to Sevilla and Cordoba, I can easily get to a bigger city any weekend that I want. Other really good things that I've already encountered in this place include:

  • Everyone is so flipping nice here! In Sevilla, people were friendly, but here, they're actually really open! I've had at least three older ladies initiate contact/conversation with me since I arrived less than 24 hours ago, and nearly everyone I've come across on the street has exchanged a greeting with me! That is amazing, and a really special trait!
  • I already have some friend connections. I know it seems crazy, since I've spent less than 24 hours here, but I came to visit the town back in June, and wrote to a couchsurfer to see if he could host me a couple days. He never got back to me, until about a month ago, which worked out perfectly, and I am actually writing this from he and his future wife's apartment (future as in, they're getting married on Saturday, and still are hosting a stranger). The moment I met up with them yesterday, I knew I had found some people with a vibe that could match mine. And that, when you just arrive to where you're going to be living, is hugely helpful! As well, one of the people who showed me a flat yesterday has horseback riding lessons a few times a week, and I decided I'm definitely going with him sometime. Horses have always been my sweet spot, and this kid's got a great mentality, so I'm happy to spend time in the light of his energy.
  • Apparently, there's some really cool organizations and groups that are active in this town. There's a cultural group here that organizes different activities, and is made up of a lot of foreigners and alternatively-minded folks. So I'm going to join this group of people, and who knows what activities I'll end up doing! Maybe I'll end up in some sort of Spanish theater while I'm here! One of my possible options for this year was to move to New York and do theater for fun while working as a waitress, I could always substitute NY with a small town in Andalucia, right? It's life after all, and the options are endless!
  • Rent and life are pretty cheap. I've only been paying 230 euros/month + bills in Sevilla, but here, my rent will be well under 200. Which is good, because that kinesiology course isn't cheap! But Asia sure can be, and that's where I plan to be by November of next year. :)
So really, despite my concern of "how the heck am I going to manage to live here for nine months," I am really excited for this year, and know it's going to involve MAJOR continuation of the growth and centering that this summer started! I am taking up a lot of new things, going to meet a lot of new people, and will definitely continue feeding my habit of travel. After all, it is my last year living in Spain! (...for now...) I am, as usual, highly optimistic about the situation, and really looking forward to all that is to come. In the end, life is what we make it, and I'm planning on making it as full as learning, growth, love & light as I possibly can! Woo!

I hope that you all had an amazingly fulfilling summer, and are embarking on whatever it is you're doing with a fresh perspective and a healthy, positive attitude! Life is such a lovely thing, and it has so much to offer us when we're optimistic. Give thanks for all, and know that in each moment, there's a blessing hidden and a lesson learned! I love you, dear brothers and sisters of mine, with every ounce I've got!

Sending you endless Blessings, Love & Light!