Thursday, October 11, 2012

My City & My Struggles

I have been very bad about keeping up with posts, but once I give you the run-down, you will forgive me, and likely end up feelings quite sorry for me. *Please leave your sympathies in the comment box below ;-)*

Friday morning I woke up around 4am to use the restroom, and when I went and laid back down on my semi-deflated air mattress, I noticed the notification light was blinking on my phone, so, naturally, I had to check what was going on. It was at this time that I saw I had the long-awaited email from the program I plan to go to Spain through -- the email with my city of placement. And when I opened, deciphered (they email all in Spanish), and saw, my heart stopped...Sevilla.

Sevilla is the fourth largest city in Spain, it's in the south, and it is absolutely amazing. I was blessed enough to go there over my Easter break while I was studying there, and got to see it in it's most-popular time of year, Easter.

When I saw that Sevilla was where I was placed, I will be honest, I was disappointed. I've been there before, and was so hoping I would end up going somewhere new, living in a beach town so I could finally fulfill my destiny as a surf and beach bum. This is something that probably didn't happen because I would surely end up with the dreads I've been wanting, and likely never return to a state of reality, which I wouldn't consider bad, but society thinks otherwise (To which I say, screw society! Make your own rules, and make your own reality!). So after lying there trying to go back to sleep, my head reeling with thoughts about Sevilla and what this meant for me, I finally fell asleep, and woke up with a better perspective.

This all happened on Friday morning. Since then, I spent Friday night in San Clemente, and then returned to L.A.. Saturday involved locking in the storage unit and getting all the necessary items: a lock, a packing package that came with boxes, tape, and packing wrap, the insurance, and everything else and it goes without saying that after this, everything went downhill and really started to suck.

My boyfriend was with me, and without him, I would have never been able to accomplish what I did. Sunday consisted of church, and then going home to begin packing up my entire apartment. I was supposed to be completely out of it on Tuesday, so I was going to move out on Tuesday, spend the night at my grandparent's house in Bakersfield that night, and then go on to Stockton on Wednesday, for all my appointments on Thursday. Well, our plans are not always what ends up happening, and this was no different. I got a call on Tuesday morning to confirm my dental appointment...for Wednesday morning. WELL, there went the plan. Suddenly, I had to go from packing up my apartment and putting remaining items into storage, to packing up my wardrobe and putting it in my car, getting my boyfriend back to Mission Viejo (45 min w/o traffic, 2 hours with, each way), and going all the way to Stockton in one day/night. Awesome.

To sum it up, nothing ended up happening how I thought it would. I got my stuff into storage on Monday, had to go back on Tuesday to leave stuff, and then had to pack up the rest of my things that I planned to bring to Stockton. Ended up filling my car as much as I could with his stuff and mine, going to Costa Mesa, leaving things at his mom's, then we went out for our typical dinner...sushi. :) From there, I went back to my apartment, got there around 10pm, and still had to load the rest of my stuff. Around 10:45 I realized that there wasn't room in my car to fit any of the items in my two closets, and had to make a quick call to my uncle. I stayed in LA on Tuesday night at his house and left a few large items there to pick up next week. I then got less than four hours of sleep, woke up at 5am on Wednesday, went to my apartment to load up the rest of my stuff and do a final wipe-down, and was on the road to Stockton at 6:25am. I made it to Stockton in time to stop at my parents' house, grab a car that wasn't packed to the top with my stuff, and get to the appointment at 11:10, right on time! I then came home, and unpacked my car gradually. My bed, still covered...

It has been a whirlwind, and I still am questioning if going to Spain is the right thing for me to do, but right now, I need some breakfast, so I will continue with this later and dive deeper into this internal turmoil that I am dealing with.

Me leaving LA with eyes puffy from crying for about 10 hours on-and-off, packing up, and hitting the road, before 6:30am. Death.

Today's Thought: I always have believed in my dreams and know that they often are telling me something about life or what's to come in the future. Last night, I kept dreaming I lived in SF, does this mean that is my next destination, not Spain?

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Back to School

I arrived yesterday. It was a hot day, a very, very warm and beautiful day. The sun was out, the parking lot was empty, and the students were smiling. Yes, that's right, students.

As of yesterday, I came back to school. I have entered the wonderful world of Westmont College in Montecito, California... at least for the next 24 hours.

My sister is a sophomore here (technically a junior because she is such a brainiac and completed enough AP classes in high school to be a year ahead), and I have come to visit her before my departure for Spain. She LOVES it here, and it doesn't take long to understand why.

I came to visit her back in February, and was taken with how beautiful the school was, how nice all the students and faculty are, and of course, it's Montecito, so if you're not taken by the surrounding area, you're likely not capable of seeing (I'm sorry for your loss, but rejoice in your heightened other senses). Their campus is quite hilly, and is full of nature, paths, and quaint little extras that make you smile and feel like you're in a good place. The college is a religious college, but if you're a heathen, you need'int fear, because there will not be people bum rushing you with Bibles upon your entrance into their gates. It's just a beautiful setting, full of seemingly great people.

That's the one thing about this place that continues to surprise me, how incredibly nice everyone is. They are all so polite, to the point that a girl and I were going to grab forks at the same time in the DC (dining hall), and she said "sorry," even though our hands were on opposite sides of the fork cup and never brushed. And I can't count how many times people said "excuse me" or apologized because we almost came close to colliding while walking. Imagine the opposite of being at a rave and all the e-tards who don't know where they are fly by as if there's no one else around. This place is like a slice of somewhere far from reality. I have noticed minimal looks of judgement, but instead seen smiles and freely flowing conversations everywhere. Students who in high school would never associate with one another, now sit together at lunch and enjoy each other's mismatched company. It's a great place, with a lot to offer, and it makes me realize just how much I wish I could go back to college and do it all again.

Last night, my sister and her awesome roomie had a group of friends hanging in their room, and I sat there contemplating going back to school. I've always wished I had studied something that actually was of a professional interest to me, but have always thought the idea of going back to school was ridiculous. But I do think I will go back at some point when I can afford it on my own. I would love to study something that has to do with health/fitness/nutrition, but for now, I will continue to run away from reality, and go live abroad. How satisfied are you with your college experience? Would you do it again if you've already graduated? And if not, have you maximized your time?

(More photos to come after I adventure around the campus.)

 Good old dorm life! Can't say I miss the cramped-space-for-two lifestyle..
 Even the soap dispensers in the restroom have the schools emblem on them!
The view out Andrea and Katie's window -- see, lots of nature :)

Today's Thought: Study what you love. Don't study business (as an example) just because you don't know what you want to do in life and know that business is broad and a good way to make money. Take time off if that's what it takes! Just make sure you don't waste money on an education you could care-less about using. It's better to know yourself and your desires before you dedicate so many resources to something. Discover yourself, so you can study what you want, and bring the best possible you to the rest of the world. Break the mold, and as always, MAKE YOUR OWN REALITY! 

Tuesday, October 2, 2012


Today I feel like crud. I am not in the mood to do any of the remaining things that I need to do in order to leave, and I'm questioning if I even want to go.

I love my life. I have great friends, an amazing family, a completely wonderful boyfriend, and am finally starting to develop more of a social life and stake my claim in the social world again. It's so hard to think about leaving right now when things are going so well. I am not sure if I'm making the right choice, or if I'm just making the "easy" one.

It's always been my dream to go back, and I know it will only get harder to go as time goes on, but I am worried about losing all that I have now while I run off and try to achieve my big dreams. And to know that I would be breaking two hearts in the process makes it even worse.

There is no easy way out on this one, and I am scared s------- that I will make the wrong choice. But then again, is there really a wrong choice?

No matter what I do, I'll be happy. I will have fun, make friends, have a lot of laughs, and enjoy memorable experiences. So it just comes down to what feels right, which, unfortunately has changed daily since I learned about my acceptance to the program.

One thing I do know for sure: I cannot make this decision based on which option is more appealing in comparison to the other. On the one hand, I have to pack up my entire apartment, rent a Uhaul, move it all into a storage unit, and handle everything else I've outlined, and on the other, I have to accept that I will be turning down an opportunity I have been manifesting in my life for the last two years AND look for a job. Both have really great outcomes, neither involve much that I want to actually do. If only I could have been born an heiress of something, then I could just travel, enjoy a lavish life, and help people, without having to be concerned with any of these sorts of things. Oh, to dream.

Moving on... it's time to look for some jobs I could be happy doing around these parts, and put a storage unit on hold in the event that I do fulfill this going abroad thing.

Today's Thought: What do I do? What am I supposed to do?