Tuesday, October 2, 2012


Today I feel like crud. I am not in the mood to do any of the remaining things that I need to do in order to leave, and I'm questioning if I even want to go.

I love my life. I have great friends, an amazing family, a completely wonderful boyfriend, and am finally starting to develop more of a social life and stake my claim in the social world again. It's so hard to think about leaving right now when things are going so well. I am not sure if I'm making the right choice, or if I'm just making the "easy" one.

It's always been my dream to go back, and I know it will only get harder to go as time goes on, but I am worried about losing all that I have now while I run off and try to achieve my big dreams. And to know that I would be breaking two hearts in the process makes it even worse.

There is no easy way out on this one, and I am scared s------- that I will make the wrong choice. But then again, is there really a wrong choice?

No matter what I do, I'll be happy. I will have fun, make friends, have a lot of laughs, and enjoy memorable experiences. So it just comes down to what feels right, which, unfortunately has changed daily since I learned about my acceptance to the program.

One thing I do know for sure: I cannot make this decision based on which option is more appealing in comparison to the other. On the one hand, I have to pack up my entire apartment, rent a Uhaul, move it all into a storage unit, and handle everything else I've outlined, and on the other, I have to accept that I will be turning down an opportunity I have been manifesting in my life for the last two years AND look for a job. Both have really great outcomes, neither involve much that I want to actually do. If only I could have been born an heiress of something, then I could just travel, enjoy a lavish life, and help people, without having to be concerned with any of these sorts of things. Oh, to dream.

Moving on... it's time to look for some jobs I could be happy doing around these parts, and put a storage unit on hold in the event that I do fulfill this going abroad thing.

Today's Thought: What do I do? What am I supposed to do?

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