Thursday, October 11, 2012

My City & My Struggles

I have been very bad about keeping up with posts, but once I give you the run-down, you will forgive me, and likely end up feelings quite sorry for me. *Please leave your sympathies in the comment box below ;-)*

Friday morning I woke up around 4am to use the restroom, and when I went and laid back down on my semi-deflated air mattress, I noticed the notification light was blinking on my phone, so, naturally, I had to check what was going on. It was at this time that I saw I had the long-awaited email from the program I plan to go to Spain through -- the email with my city of placement. And when I opened, deciphered (they email all in Spanish), and saw, my heart stopped...Sevilla.

Sevilla is the fourth largest city in Spain, it's in the south, and it is absolutely amazing. I was blessed enough to go there over my Easter break while I was studying there, and got to see it in it's most-popular time of year, Easter.

When I saw that Sevilla was where I was placed, I will be honest, I was disappointed. I've been there before, and was so hoping I would end up going somewhere new, living in a beach town so I could finally fulfill my destiny as a surf and beach bum. This is something that probably didn't happen because I would surely end up with the dreads I've been wanting, and likely never return to a state of reality, which I wouldn't consider bad, but society thinks otherwise (To which I say, screw society! Make your own rules, and make your own reality!). So after lying there trying to go back to sleep, my head reeling with thoughts about Sevilla and what this meant for me, I finally fell asleep, and woke up with a better perspective.

This all happened on Friday morning. Since then, I spent Friday night in San Clemente, and then returned to L.A.. Saturday involved locking in the storage unit and getting all the necessary items: a lock, a packing package that came with boxes, tape, and packing wrap, the insurance, and everything else and it goes without saying that after this, everything went downhill and really started to suck.

My boyfriend was with me, and without him, I would have never been able to accomplish what I did. Sunday consisted of church, and then going home to begin packing up my entire apartment. I was supposed to be completely out of it on Tuesday, so I was going to move out on Tuesday, spend the night at my grandparent's house in Bakersfield that night, and then go on to Stockton on Wednesday, for all my appointments on Thursday. Well, our plans are not always what ends up happening, and this was no different. I got a call on Tuesday morning to confirm my dental appointment...for Wednesday morning. WELL, there went the plan. Suddenly, I had to go from packing up my apartment and putting remaining items into storage, to packing up my wardrobe and putting it in my car, getting my boyfriend back to Mission Viejo (45 min w/o traffic, 2 hours with, each way), and going all the way to Stockton in one day/night. Awesome.

To sum it up, nothing ended up happening how I thought it would. I got my stuff into storage on Monday, had to go back on Tuesday to leave stuff, and then had to pack up the rest of my things that I planned to bring to Stockton. Ended up filling my car as much as I could with his stuff and mine, going to Costa Mesa, leaving things at his mom's, then we went out for our typical dinner...sushi. :) From there, I went back to my apartment, got there around 10pm, and still had to load the rest of my stuff. Around 10:45 I realized that there wasn't room in my car to fit any of the items in my two closets, and had to make a quick call to my uncle. I stayed in LA on Tuesday night at his house and left a few large items there to pick up next week. I then got less than four hours of sleep, woke up at 5am on Wednesday, went to my apartment to load up the rest of my stuff and do a final wipe-down, and was on the road to Stockton at 6:25am. I made it to Stockton in time to stop at my parents' house, grab a car that wasn't packed to the top with my stuff, and get to the appointment at 11:10, right on time! I then came home, and unpacked my car gradually. My bed, still covered...

It has been a whirlwind, and I still am questioning if going to Spain is the right thing for me to do, but right now, I need some breakfast, so I will continue with this later and dive deeper into this internal turmoil that I am dealing with.

Me leaving LA with eyes puffy from crying for about 10 hours on-and-off, packing up, and hitting the road, before 6:30am. Death.

Today's Thought: I always have believed in my dreams and know that they often are telling me something about life or what's to come in the future. Last night, I kept dreaming I lived in SF, does this mean that is my next destination, not Spain?


  1. Stay strong feddy! I know you will make the right decision, whatever that may be. I'm always here if you need to talk it out :) Love you chile

    1. Thanks Amos! I love you very much! Let's see each other soon! :)