Saturday, November 22, 2014

Listen to Your Heart

I don't know how many of you can even read that title without Roxette's song playing through your head... 

Or probably more accurately, since a lot of us are born and bred in the EDM culture and/or younger generations, DHT and Edmee's slow or techno versions. (Did anyone else DL both versions and get sad when the slow version started to play instead of the EDM remix???)

Pick the version you like best, jam out to it, feel it, dance!

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let's get on with it! Although, that insanely psychedelic image right about my text is making it pretty hard to concentrate/type.. (((((((whoooaaaa triiiipppyyyyyy))))))) Ok, I'm back, I'm getting serious..kinda. ;-D

When I left the USA at 23 to move to Spain, my mom and I talked about how long I thought I would live this way (abroad, traveling, semi-unstable, gypsy, backpack, always moving to a new place, etc). She said that she thought it would be a good idea for me to think a little bit about how long I was going to be gypsy-ing around, and I told her that yeah, I was thinking that about by the time I'm 30, I'd like to know a city/country that I could see myself settling in for 5 or more years, perhaps have found a man, and be in the process of putting down roots and starting that chapter of my life. She admitted she'd been thinking 30 as well, and we left it at that. 

Fast-forward to 2014, now I'm 25, and instead of thinking that by the time I'm 30 I could have found the place I'll call home for more than 2-3 years, I'm thinking I need more years that I can magically slip in between now and the time I'm 30, so I can do all the things I keep learning about/realizing I want to do! I think, if I calculate time periods roughly, with all the things I want to do, places I want to live/travel, adventures I want to take/have, I am up to about 30 1/2 or 31-years old. Not bad. 

When I was home this summer, it felt so amazing to be with my family and friends, get a good dose of California culture, and just be there. I came back to Europe, feeling fairly certain that home was where I was supposed to be. I just had a feeling that I needed to be home. I saw all my grandparents, and they're all aging, I saw my sister and cousins and how they're growing, and my dad in serious need of help with this company we're trying to get started, and was pretty sure that was where I was supposed to be. I didn't want to be mostly gone for the next five years and miss out on all that was going to happen in my family. I couldn't imagine missing that much of everyone's lives. But I also couldn't move back. No way.

Moving back meant that I would have to cut my travels, look for a job/start a career, and start watering those home roots once more. I felt like deciding to move home would mean that I was giving up my dreams of backpacking around most of the world, and I wasn't sure I could handle that knowledge later in life. So, I pushed the thought aside, and just tried to focus on Being Present.

I traveled for another two months, going to Portugal, Norway, Holland, Belgium, and France. The amount of adventure-ing that I did in that time made me so sure that I wanted little else than to be traveling around, and the thought of going home got pressed down deeper within me. But after the summer ended and I got newly settled in a new town and new jobs, I started to go back in to those deep, inner places where we tend to store things till we take time to delve back into them. So I'm sitting on my bed, this must have been three or four weeks ago now, and I've just finished looking at/sorting through some pictures. Well, some few thousand pictures, all taken in the year and a half before I moved to Spain. Feeling some heavy feelings of, "Man, I miss those faces and places and good times."

Here I was, in Spain, amazing, beloved Spain, where I'd chosen to stay. I'm living in a beautiful town, surrounded by nice people, working well, and I said to myself, "What do I want? What do I really want?" Until that point, I was 100% sure I'd be in Asia with a backpack on by Fall of 2015. I'd told everyone I knew and met that that was the next adventure -- The Adventure that Never Ends. I had a route in mind (Asia--Australia--New Zealand--South America--Central America--Pit stop in Cali to say what's up to the fam before heading back out, likely to Africa for a year or India for six months). I was excited about this adventure, I knew I wanted this adventure, it was why I'd said yes to four different jobs, and decided to make this year a full sacrifice. Work, save, backpack. That was my arrangement with myself. But in that moment, before the question could finish leaving my lips, it came over me so, so clearly, calmly, comfortably, and sensibly, "I want to go home... I think what I really want is to go home." Whoa.

And then, it was like this huge realization had come to me, and I started to see and think, "Yes! Yes! That's it! That's what I want! I want to go home, and be with my family and the friends and faces I've loved the longest." It was too clear to deny it, just like when I found out I was accepted to come assist in Spain. So I embraced the thought of going home, and comforted myself with something that, for some reason, was new information: I can always leave again.

So my darlings, my brothers and sisters, my other halves, in July of 2015, this wanderer is going to wander her way back home! 

Dance Break!
But yeah, LL, I think soooo!

I'm going to live with my parents and grandma who will be living with them by that time, and I'm "planning" on staying 4-6 months. Then, sometime in January or February of 2016, I'll pack up my pack, and hop on a plane to Asia or South America, and resume my intended route! I'm going to be working as my grandma's caregiver, which is amazing, because it's all I do [want to do] when I'm home anyways -- drive her around and pretend to be retired with her -- and I can be there to help my dad, help my aunt and uncle, strengthen the bond between my cousins, sister and I, and just be there for people who have always been there for me. And my gossshh, I can't express how excited I am to rekindle the fire that burns between my friends and I back home! I've met too many amazing people to count since leaving, but it's definitely time to get down with my hometown, homegrown, Cali loves!

Since making the decision to move home, I have been elated! A friend of mine even told me yesterday that he was happy I made the choice to go home, that he thought it was the right choice, because over the summer, while I was living in bliss, it also seemed like I "missed my dudes back home." I know without a doubt I'm making the right choice, and everything in my life, all the instantly answered prayers, and manifestations that are being delivered at lightning speed, are a confirmation of that. It does make it hard to stay though, knowing that I'll be home in just under a month for the holidays, I just want to pack up everything and make it The Big Move Back already! But, it's also pretty cool, because once I get my visa, I'll be able to travel/fly again, and I'll have 6-7 more months to travel around Europe and Spain! 

It's amazing how life works out when we're listening to our hearts!

Our hearts are such a critical part of us, for so many [obvious] reasons, but for so many that we don't even give it credit for. It is our guide, it is designed to tell us what we want, where we should go, who we should pursue, and everything in between. Our minds are a mess most of the time, so if we went with every thought we thought, we'd be in some pretty weird and wild ways. But the heart, no, no, trust that, listen to that, take time to be silent, breath deep, and let it speak to you. I've been following my heart for the last 2-3 years, and I can tell you, I've not once regretted it! And all the times I chose to silence it and instead follow anything else, I've known it would have been "better" the other way around. 

In short, "Listen to your heart, when He's calling for you." It's as close to a direct connection to the Holy Spirit as we're going to get in this physical form. Don't deny it it's ability to lead you in the right direction. It's designed to make you thrive and feel alive, let it do it's thing, just like we let our lungs and digestive systems do theirs. :)

I love you all so much, I can barely handle it! I wish I could just line you all up and hug you all one-by-one. Imagine I'm doing so, feel the love, the light, the healing, the comfort, the acceptance, the enchantment. Take it all in, breath it in deep, get high on these fumes of good feelings, and pass them along as much as you can! YAY LIFE!

Forever and Ever, Endless Blessings, Love & Light

Your Sister in Christ

No comments:

Post a Comment