I have to live with the burning, irrepressible, and powerful instincts that come along with what I´ve got. I have to go to work, feeling this fire inside of me, knowing I can´t put it out, not today anyways. And I have to wonder, "How long will it last, and will it ever go away?"
Sure, it´s something you can hide, try to cover up and keep from people, but in the end, your energy field is all messed up, and that they pick up on. Because let´s face it, you can try and keep others from finding out, but it´s inside of your body, your mind, your spirit, and you know, so eventually, others figure it out too. And the knowing, feeling and suppressing, all that takes a toll on you. It drives you absolutely crazy. It makes you feel like ripping out all your hair, while you run around the halls screaming. It makes you want to walk out the door, and just keep on going. Where to? Doesn´t matter. All you know is, you´ve gotta go, because the cures not within these confines. It makes you antsy, anxious, and a little too energetic. You focus less, and day dream more. You spend too much time on the internet doing research, just trying to find out what to do to ease its intensity, even if only for a weekend. Rational thinking is no longer a part of your life. All you can put your passion into is finding out what to do to ignite the fire, while simultaneously putting it out. Because once you´ve got it, there´s no turning back until it´s cured. It´s....
The Itch is what happens when the travel bug bites you. Usually, it bites pretty hard, and the result is something that probably will never go away: wanderlust. This wanderlust can take you out of your country, and lead your right into another one, where you find yourself living and working for an undetermined amount of time. Five months turn into a year, which somehow becomes a year and a half, and then before you know it, you´re contemplating one more. But after a while, the wanderlust transforms, and simply being abroad is no longer enough. It is at this time, that it morphs into something else. Something more powerful, more annoying, and more thought-consuming: The Itch.
Now, The Itch means different things to different people, but I think all our symptoms are generally the same. The symptoms include, but are not limited to:
- Inability to focus on the tasks that make you a responsible person
- Strong desire to run [away]
- Frequent blank stares out windows/off into the distance
- Staring at Google Maps of the continent you inhabit and the world to
- a. see which countries are nearest to you/the cheapest to get to
- b. plan your next weekend/holiday/future trip around the world
- c. just see what´s there
- Intense jealousy for everyone you meet who is "just traveling", or even just on a weekend trip
Having The Itch means that if you´re in the same place, doing the same thing, for more than x number of months (I think I´ve figured mine out to be about nine), you´re thinking about what you can do and where you can go next. You´re thinking about the next adventure, unseen place, foreign language, and major change. It means that while you might be in a place you love and don´t want to leave, you also really can´t imagine staying for a whole nother year. It puts you in this highly complex situation, where you don´t quite have enough money to just go and begin your I´m-going-without-a-return-date-in-mind trip, but you also really don´t want to work another year to get there.
What to do, what to do?
My solution: don´t think about it too much, and don´t brood. You´ll lose all the current moments you´ve been blessed with, and then not only will you be dreaming about the future, you´ll be wondering what happened in the past. Especially if you´re in a program like I am, where you could be told you´re going to another city, therefore providing you a new adventure and change of scene, it´s not worth thinking about it. Because while your life is in your hands and you can call the shots, this is a factor, and it plays a role, an important one *cough cough* papers that allow you to stay *cough cough*. So just embrace the last months you have in your job as an auxiliary and teacher, and create your own adventures right where you are! Oh, and, keep on trusting God, because you know He´s got your back, and has it all planned out for you anyways! ;-)
I hope that if you´re out there in a position like me, you´ve also just released the chains of control on your life, and decided to keep on flowing with it. Because there are endless places and opportunities out there, and we can drive ourselves mad if we get too crazy about making a change happen RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. So just breath, and know, you´ve already escaped the life you felt closing in on you in that cubicle back home. It´s all good baby, you´re in the world now! You don´t have to go back!
Keep living and loving, growing and flowing! It´s the only way to go!
Blessings, Love & Light to you all!
I adore your sweet souls, and am happy to share the earth with you! :-*