Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Awkward Moments Chapter 4: Trying To Look Hot, While Sweating

Now, I know that there are some people out there that are just not genetically programmed to sweat, and these people ARE NOT FROM HERE! Believe me, I mean that in the kindest way possible, and from the very deepest, darkest, most jealous corners of my heart. I cannot comprehend how some people will leave their waist-length hair down, wear skinny jeans, dance all night on the overly-crowded dance floor, and not have a single drop of salty moisture running down any part of their bodies. You people out there are so lucky, I can't even look at you. Because there I will be, bra completely soaked and weighing more than it should because Victoria's Secret can't make a bra without adding 10 layers of padding to it (sorry guys, it is NOT all natural, and THAT is Victoria's Secret), no trace of make up left on my face except for some smeared eyeliner and mascara (which I consider lucky because it shows I actually had some on at some point. Hmm..double-edged sword now that I think about it.), hair dripping like I just took a dip, and red in the face like I just ate a whole case of habaneros.

A.D.D. Drift: It's been a while since I threw one of these down, but I have to for this... "habaneros," according to Google Chrome, is not a real word. So it suggests that I change it to either one of two words I can't even begin to pronounce, "handovers," or "headbangers." Hahah. Sorry, I think I find this mostly hilarious because as of last summer, I dedicated my life and soul to dubstep, drum and bass, and all other music forms that are heavy on the bass, therefore resulting in my adopting headbanging as my move of choice. And now, back on track...

So as I was saying, going to a club, or dance bar, or show for me is quite a stressful situation. Luckily there is always a little liquid courage to help me not think about how utterly disgusting I look, but that doesn't eliminate the fact that I am, in essence, a wet dog on the dance floor. It is such a shame to wear out some really hot, wonderful, utterly uncomfortable heels with a nice little skirt/top or dress, do my hair, actually put on eyeshadow, and head out the door thinking, "dang, I can really clean up when I want to," just to walk inside the humid establishment and start to sweat within the first minutes of my first dance. I do not feel attractive, I do not want to dance, and I do not want to think about or see how nasty the air inside is. And that, my friends, I think is the reason why so many college-aged people are black-out drunks. No one wants to think, see, or feel what they actually look like, are, and have become, so they continue to toss them back to get over any inhibitions and insecurities they have. I have seen it many times. To be a not-blacked-out-drunk at the bars or clubs is SO entertaining and I highly suggest that everyone try it (even for just half a night). Another little drift, I know.

All I'm saying is, it is SO awkward to try and look and act hot when you are so clearly in need of a shower. But will that ever stop us? Heck no! [DANCEPANTS4LYF<3] We will just continue to snag bar napkins and blot when we can, take frequent trips to the ladies' room to "touch up," and hope that you have consumed far more than us and don't even care, so long as you can escape the sausage-fest you came with and get a little estrogen in your atmosphere.

Today's Quote: "Beauty in things exists in the mind which contemplates them." -David Hume

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