Monday, January 6, 2014

Letting Go

I think the hardest part in any relationship in our lives is the part in which we are faced with making the decision to let go. And let's be honest, it really is a decision that we are in charge of making. Because we can easily go throughout our days rethinking, reconsidering, and remembering, and usually, that's easier than deciding the time to stop it all is now.

Before I continue, I'll give a little background. And I'm going to hopefully assume that he never reads this, therefore giving me a little extra space to be a little extra honest.

My dinomate and I met at Snow Globe Music Festival, New Year's Eve, 2011. It was a meeting planned by the stars, to say the least. Our cosmos aligned, and it was our time. Our time to come face-to-face, heart-to-heart, and soul-to-soul. A close friend of mine said once that we were two wholes to the same whole, and it's true. We completed each other in ways only your true puzzle piece and counterpart can. It was magical, it was beautiful, it was soulful.

We spent all of 2012 together, making it not only my most meaningful relationship, but my longest. We lived together for a while, took care of each other in ways that takes the meaning of "care for one another" to all new depths, and loved each other without bounds. We could spend all day together doing nothing, but be having the best time. And we could turn any regular task into a big, imaginative adventure. But our time together was cut short when I found out I was accepted to come to Spain as a teaching assistant, and accepted.

Now some, himself and myself included, might take my acceptance to move to another continent as a sign that I didn't care about us, love him, or want the relationship, and trust me, I've spent a lot of time crying over that. But when I really think about it now, I think it has always been a sign of my trust and belief in our relationship, and the phrase, "if it's meant to happen, it will." My moving away wasn't a demonstration of my feelings, but proof in how much I believed in our destiny to be together. Which is why, a year after our parting (more like four-ish months if you consider how together we still acted for the first seven months of my life abroad), it is still so hard for me to write this, and so impossible for me to have decided it's time to let go and move on.

I went back to Snow Globe this year. He wasn't there. I even ended up going, unbelievably, to the same house the group had rented the year we all went, the house in which we met and our story began. The circle came fuuuull circle this year at Snow Globe. I think it had to, that I needed it to. If I'm being honest, I am pretty sure I went to the festival thinking that things would be the same as they were that first year -- he'd be there, I'd be there, we'd all be there, and we'd see each other, and just know, know that we're the piece to each other's puzzle, and that no distance or amount of time could ever change that. But it didn't happen that way. And I decided that now it's time to let go.

Aside from deciding to move to Spain, this is the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do in my life. It means giving up on the one person I thought I would always fight for, choosing to abandon my heart, and deciding to really walk away.

How do you decide to let go of the person that your soul seems to have selected? How do you tell yourself it's time to move on from your best and favorite friend? How do you not spend time wondering, "what if..."?

I'll tell you how:

You just do it. You make it happen.

You apply that same faith you applied to your relationship to the moving on from it. The same belief in your relationship together, in the universe and God and their ways with the world. And the same trust that you're meant to be, in knowing that if you are, you will be, and nothing can ever stop that.

There is no way of knowing this way or that in this life, and we could certainly kill ourselves thinking that way. Lord knows many have. But that is no way to live when there's a great big world out there just waiting to be touched and explored. And that is no way to live if you trust God and the universe the way you claim to!

So as I pass into 2014, I open myself up to all that is to come; I release myself from all that is already done; and I decide that it is time to let go, knowing that everything is perfect as it is, and nothing can ever turn out any way other than how it's supposed to. It may be hard, and there will most certainly be tears, but it's time. It's time to let go.

Sending strength to all those who need it right now, and wishing you well on the first days of this beautiful new year! 2014 is going to be another good one!

Blessings, Love & Light

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