Friday, January 17, 2014

Don't Be Scared, There's Always Divorce

So I'm reading through this list of "The 50 Things You Don't Want to Regret When You Die," and I got to #24, then I couldn't keep going.

24. Not putting a ring on it. Commitment is a scary thing. What if he or she turns out not to be the right person? Well, that’s what divorce was created for.

Wait, what? Give me a moment to process this for a second.. Ummmm........


Wow. It's no wonder that people's morals, aspirations, goals, and self-worth have just gone through the roof in the last couple generations, marriages are such a success, and people place such an amazingly high value on sex and marriage. (Please have picked up on the sarcasm..)

I actually couldn't continue reading the otherwise well-composed list (I can only speak of the items on it up until 24), until I'd written out my emotions and gotten the horribly irritated and semi-boiling water out of my heart. I was so blown away that someone could so simply write-off marriage (quite literally, and no, no pun was intended:), and just say, "Well, that's what divorce was created for." Ugh. Just rewriting it I feel like I'm committing a heinous crime against love; the one thought and thing that pulses through me constantly and gives me a reason to pursue in the ways I do. And I don't want to get tooo dramatic about it, but seriously, that's kind of like saying, "What if you have a pet or a kid and you find out it's not exactly the one you wanted? Well, that's what pounds and orphanages were created for."

Have we really entered into an age where divorce is so common and accepted, and marriage so undervalued and appreciated, that we think it's okay to just take the plunge, "put a ring on it," and find out later if we chose the right one?

As someone who isn't sure she wants to get married, but intends to spend her life with the love of her life, and someone who actually used to think similarly (many years ago I'd convinced myself it was okay to be scared to marry, but to do it anyways, because yeah, you could always get a divorce. But I also was still so immature that I thought it would be "fun" to "marry a few times"), I find myself so bothered by this "Thing You Don't Want to Regret When You Die." I'm not sure if it's because, as of my last relationship, I have experienced great, soulful, true, deep love, or if it's just part of being an awake, conscious, and somewhat-traditional person, who is deeply spiritual, as well as religious, but I cannot find it in me to accept this item on the list.

I believe that marriage is a special, sacred thing. It's possibly the biggest ceremony you will ever have in your honor/participate in, and what you do when you marry someone is probably the biggest gesture of trust, love, and devotion you could ever make as a human. And yes, commitment is a scary thing, but that's why you follow your heart, and marry the one whose soul you know belongs with yours, so you know that it's right, that he or she is the one, and that you could, would, and will spend the rest of your life with them, without ever wanting anything else.

I would so much rather die without ever having been married, than have gotten married simply so I wouldn't be on my death bed wishing it's an experience I could watch replay in My Life Movie as I take my last breath. I would SO much rather wait my entire life to find my one and only, my twin flame, my kindred spirit above all the rest, and the other whole to my whole, and marry that person and make it last a lifetime, than just try out some different husbands over the years to spare myself the possible regret later in life of never having done it. I mean, it's not exactly like we're talking about a pair of jeans here.

With jeans it's easy. You can try them on, buy them, and if you get home and realize you don't really like them, it's really no big deal. You just take them back for a full refund and continue your life pain-free. (Unless they were an all-sales-are-final item. But even then you can so easily do something else with them that won't leave any permanent scars or damage other than on your credit card, wallet, or bank balance.) But with another human being -- a human who you've tied yourself to, dedicated yourself to, vowed yourself to, and loved enough to walk all the way down that aisle or to that Elvis -- it's not that simple. Obviously I can't speak from experience, since I've never been married or divorced, but not only am I intelligent/do I have common sense, but I've read and seen plenty about divorce to have gathered a pretty factual idea that it's a bit more complicated than exchanging a pair of jeans that aren't quite right.

There are souls involved. There are emotions involved. There are HEARTS involved. And matters of the heart are never so simple as "just getting a divorce." (Not to mention all the legal papers, fees, documents, and drama you have to deal with.) So while I do think that marriage can be a beautiful thing, a wonderful thing to participate in, gesture to make, and experience to have, I do not, at all, think it is something you should do because you want to get over a fear of commitment. And I especially do not think it's something you should do because divorce exists and was "created for this reason."

Respect the institution of marriage. And respect yourself, your soul, and theirs enough to only deliver those vows once, make them count, give them everything you've got, and make it last. After all, if you have any doubts about saying that "I do," chances are the person in front of you doesn't have the soul yours has been searching for.

Love one another. Love yourselves. Love the earth.

The Soul

Blessings, Love & Light to all

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