The battle surges on within! Week-by-week the outcome varies. I've been riding the high for four and a half weeks now! The longest stretch I can recall to date! And I'm going to keep riding it as long as it wants to be with me ^_^ Improvement takes time, but sure enough it's happening, and I believe someday there will be nothing but riding the high!
I'm like the ocean, the waves, and the rider all in one. Sometimes I ride the waves; rolling with the punches, going with the flow, at one with all that surrounds, and gliding around like a beautiful thing of wonder. Then there are the other times. The times when I am the waves, and I'm crashing and breaking, not caring about what's there, because I'm too busy swirling around in self destruction. It's an interesting cycle, the upswing and the downfall, but I'm learning not to be so hard on myself in those unhealthy mental and physical times.
Luckily I know my true essence -- bright, shining, and pure, wonderful love and energy -- and will always return to the beaming and love-projecting self I am. <3
It really is a strange flow that our emotions and minds tend to follow, and I've been working on lessening the intensity of my ups and downs for a long time now. And in all honesty, I resist the times when I am the crashing waves. I resist them with all I've got. I loathe them, I repel them, I get taken so low, that I am doing nothing but being annoyed of everyone, everything, and mostly, myself. I think I have extremely high expectations for myself, so when I enter into this unhealthy place, I can't take it. I don't want it. I don't need it. But there it is.
I realized a while back that I tend to go from being on this superhero, almost unreal level of positive, happy, bright, and love-filled thinking, feeling, and being, to a withdrawn, critical, and irritated place. It's gotten to the point where the high lasts a few weeks and seems like it's never going to pass, but then sure enough, that irritated me comes back in. Thankfully, this phase doesn't last as long as the happy one, and it's gotten to be less intense than it used to be, but sure enough, it still comes around to throw off my frequency.
I'm feeling incredibly lucky right now, because I have been riding a superhuman wave of love and light for over four weeks. This is, as I said, the longest I can remember being on the upswing, and I am so stoked to see the progression in this pattern. Through tracking and observing these phases, I can tell that the highs last longer, and the periods of darkness (as I think we all tend to call them) are becoming less frequent, and when they do come around, are shorter than the time before. I have learned many things that seem to trigger the downfall, which I talked about here. That doesn't always stop me from doing them, but at least I know what they are.
I learned a lot about the pain body through reading Eckhart Tolle's, A New Earth, and am sure it has a lot to do with its need to refuel and reclaim its place. But I'm not entirely convinced that these cycles are something we should so simply accept just because we're human. And I'd love to say that I think this time the high is here to stay, but I will be weary with that statement, and instead just embrace the present as it is, and love it for what it has to offer, and the me I have to be right now. (Which is of course incredibly easy to say right now since I'm riding one of the highs of a lifetime. hehe;)
I hope that whatever your mood is in the current time, you are not struggling with it. I hope that you can find it in yourself to accept whatever it is that is happening, while still trying to improve, overcome, and be positive. Remember darlings, "this too shall pass."
Sweetest blessings, love & light to you all!
I adore your souls <3