I Am The Ocean

I mentioned before (hereeee) that I wanted to write about the ups and downs that come with living, and I think the time has come. This morning while browsing the photos I have stored on my phone for inspirational IG uploads (don't act like I'm the only one), I came across a picture I took of a poem from Leaves of Gold, a really old book my dad has that's full of quotes, inspiration, poems, and writings, and decided to share it. The poem I had taken a photo of was this...

Along with this photo, I added some text, and that text reads the following:

The battle surges on within! Week-by-week the outcome varies. I've been riding the high for four and a half weeks now! The longest stretch I can recall to date! And I'm going to keep riding it as long as it wants to be with me ^_^ Improvement takes time, but sure enough it's happening, and I believe someday there will be nothing but riding the high!

I'm like the ocean, the waves, and the rider all in one. Sometimes I ride the waves; rolling with the punches, going with the flow, at one with all that surrounds, and gliding around like a beautiful thing of wonder. Then there are the other times. The times when I am the waves, and I'm crashing and breaking, not caring about what's there, because I'm too busy swirling around in self destruction. It's an interesting cycle, the upswing and the downfall, but I'm learning not to be so hard on myself in those unhealthy mental and physical times. 

Luckily I know my true essence -- bright, shining, and pure, wonderful love and energy -- and will always return to the beaming and love-projecting self I am. <3

Ahhhhh :)

It really is a strange flow that our emotions and minds tend to follow, and I've been working on lessening the intensity of my ups and downs for a long time now. And in all honesty, I resist the times when I am the crashing waves. I resist them with all I've got. I loathe them, I repel them, I get taken so low, that I am doing nothing but being annoyed of everyone, everything, and mostly, myself. I think I have extremely high expectations for myself, so when I enter into this unhealthy place, I can't take it. I don't want it. I don't need it. But there it is.

I realized a while back that I tend to go from being on this superhero, almost unreal level of positive, happy, bright, and love-filled thinking, feeling, and being, to a withdrawn, critical, and irritated place. It's gotten to the point where the high lasts a few weeks and seems like it's never going to pass, but then sure enough, that irritated me comes back in. Thankfully, this phase doesn't last as long as the happy one, and it's gotten to be less intense than it used to be, but sure enough, it still comes around to throw off my frequency.

I'm feeling incredibly lucky right now, because I have been riding a superhuman wave of love and light for over four weeks. This is, as I said, the longest I can remember being on the upswing, and I am so stoked to see the progression in this pattern. Through tracking and observing these phases, I can tell that the highs last longer, and the periods of darkness (as I think we all tend to call them) are becoming less frequent, and when they do come around, are shorter than the time before. I have learned many things that seem to trigger the downfall, which I talked about here. That doesn't always stop me from doing them, but at least I know what they are.

I learned a lot about the pain body through reading Eckhart Tolle's, A New Earth, and am sure it has a lot to do with its need to refuel and reclaim its place. But I'm not entirely convinced that these cycles are something we should so simply accept just because we're human. And I'd love to say that I think this time the high is here to stay, but I will be weary with that statement, and instead just embrace the present as it is, and love it for what it has to offer, and the me I have to be right now. (Which is of course incredibly easy to say right now since I'm riding one of the highs of a lifetime. hehe;)

I hope that whatever your mood is in the current time, you are not struggling with it. I hope that you can find it in yourself to accept whatever it is that is happening, while still trying to improve, overcome, and be positive. Remember darlings, "this too shall pass."

Sweetest blessings, love & light to you all! 

I adore your souls <3

He Who Speaks the Language of Love

I was talking and thinking about these ups and downs in life that we tend to face, and it is so amazing the direct correlation between certain factors and these beautiful, big waves of peace, joy, love, and abundance, and the harsh, nasty, crashing down that seems to often follow. The things that I have noticed are this:

When I am on the upswing, things are really great. I am the brightest beaming light of love and blessings that you've ever encountered, and I have nothing but beautiful thoughts and feelings coursing through me. And during these times, I am consistent in my yoga/meditation practice, eating healthy, not spending nights in front of the TV before bed, and therefore am more rested, and mostly, I am having a never-ending conversation with God.

Now, I don't know which happens first. I'm not sure if the unhealthy habits start to take over after a few weeks of being good, or if my mood shifts, and that causes me to then care less about the other stuff, which just takes me further down the rabbit hole of irritation and careless living and thinking. Either way, I have found it nearly impossible to maintain a positive mentality if I am not maintaining healthy habits. (Which could be a reflection of the deeply implanted ideas about food, the body, self-image, and all things of this matter that we in the first world are seemingly so prone to.) But I think I have pinned "getting enough sleep" as the culprit that starts it all. (I understand if right now you're thinking, "Well, DUH!") Once I get too tired one weekend, then enter the week as such, it's too hard to come back from it during the week, and the rest seems to follow up by falling apart.

But as much as I'd like to touch on this right now, it's not the point of this post. I will be writing one about the ups and downs, but for now I am on the upswing, and I have to take a moment to praise my awesome, amazing, wonderful, magical God!

I don't know who you pray to, or if you even pray at all (my goodness, I do hope you pray, even if it's to the void), so there's a good chance you're about to get highly offended, which is okay. But the God that I pray to and believe in is the God of the Universe, the King of the heavens and the earth, The One whose fingerprint is in everything around us, and the reason we are all connected. And my God is an Awesome God!

Pretty much every morning I dedicate time to spend with Him. (Again, when I am riding the waves, I am really good about spending at least 15-30 minutes with Him each morning. When I am the waves and we're crashing down, He seems to only get a brief moment, long enough for me to read the devotional, put the book down, and get on to the next "task" of the morning.) I read from Sarah Young's magical daily devotional book, Jesus Calling, talk to Him, pray to Him, and just let His presence shine down on me, filling me with His Love and Light. It is a time that always leaves me feeling lighter and brighter.

This morning's devotional is especially wonderful for me, and since I am such a freak about love, I wanted to share it with you all! :D

"I am speaking in the depths of your being. Be still, so that you can hear My voice. I speak in the language of Love; My words fill you with Life and Peace, Joy and hope. ... While you journey through this life in My Presence, My Glory brightens the world around you."

"I speak in the language of love." For someone who focuses so much on being, thinking, and living love, this is a really magnificent thing for me, and just gives me all the more reason to believe in and follow God. And, who doesn't want to be filled with "Life and Peace, Joy and hope"!? As it always seems to, the words I received today from this tiny book of wonder, were a beautiful match for exactly what my soul wanted and needed to receive.

I don't know if it's because I know I am going home this weekend and will see my friends and family for the first time in quite a while, but I am in such a state of bliss. I definitely feel like I am living in a pretty bright world, and that His light shines through me in mysterious ways I can't begin to sense or comprehend. All I do know, is I am trying to stay on the right path with my mind, body, and soul, and He seems to be the Source, the Key, the thing that really brings it all together and keeps it positive and possible.

I hope that if you don't believe in God, you'll perhaps give Him a try. I have seen the changes He makes in people's lives when they begin to believe, and it is beautiful. And if you can't or won't do that much, at least believe in yourself! It feels nice to have faith. Like a soft, fuzzy blanket fresh out of the dryer you can wrap around yourself and know it's all going to be okay.

I also hope the good vibes I am putting out find you on your journey, and carry you a little further than you might have been able to go on your own. We really need each other in these times of life, and I want you to know, I am here to absorb some of your suffering, and replace it with some love. :)

You are magic, don't you ever forget it!

Blessings to you and all of your own, and of course, Love & Light! 

<3