It hit me on Sunday whilst I was in Amsterdam:
This is my last week in Spain, and I'm not even there right now.
Oh. My. GOSH! O_o
I averted the panic that was trying to sink in, took a deep breath, looked up to God, and returned to the present moment and physical place I was in. I couldn't think about it then, nor can I or should I now.
We tend to do this thing whenever we're alive, where we forget that it's temporary and will have an end date. This causes us to forget to appreciate every single moment, smile in them as often as possible, give thanks for whatever is (whether we like it or not), and just enjoy the ride. I know I did this for some great lengths of time during my stay in Spain. Saying that I've been here for nearly 2 1/2 years isn't any excuse. The period of time you are in a place shouldn't make a difference on your ability to give thanks and accept all that is, because there is only The Now and it is a practice for life.
In an hour I will begin my fourth-to-the-last work day in Spain. I've no idea how many I've had, but I know there have been a lot of them. And now, I am in the middle of saying all my goodbyes, trying to sneak in a final trip to Sevilla, pack all my belongings and filter them through the "Are you making it to the next round of life" question, prepare for my summer travels, and keep myself emotionally pulled together enough through these processes. The reality of my departure is finally starting to sink in.
It's quite a crazy time for me emotionally. I feel and know I am ready for the next thing, that my time here is meant to end, and that I've given it possibly more time than I was meant to. But that doesn't negate the sadness that creeps up on me, and will certainly not stop the tears from gushing forth from my eyes as I am on a bus out of my beloved Andalucia. Add the uncontrollable excitement I feel about the fact I'm going to be moving back to California for a while, and well, I'm living on almost every end of the emotional spectrum right now.
Friends are starting to write me with their excitement about my return, festivals back home are posting relentlessly, reminding me what awaits, and knowing that I get to reconnect with the friends I made over the first 24 years of my life is making my heart sing some pretty amazing songs! It's going to be so hard to leave, but I know what I'm leaving for is quite worth it -- the chance to participate in my family's life, support my friends, perhaps actually attend a wedding instead of just see the pictures on Facebook, hug my grandmother every day, and explore a massive country that I once called home. Yes, it's a wild/exciting/interesting time To Be Alive, and I'm thrilled to Be walking the path that I Am!
As with each new chapter of life we are able to say, "Things will never be the same again," this statement seems to somehow ring truer than it ever might have before. The adventure is not ending my friends, it is simply continuing, and will do so as long as I walk this incredible Earth. I hope you stick with me, and request special prayers and pumps of energy and support as I close out this immeasurably impactful chapter, and begin to write some new ones. :)
Thank you, I love you, I Am here for YOU!
Blessings, Love, Light & Wonder,