"Life right now is a little crazy." I wrote that, as well as a lot of what's to follow in this post, on April 28th, but never got around to finishing it, or feeling like it was worth posting. Now, on May 8th, I realize why God wanted it to wait -- so I could now comment on the irony of my current situation, He could use it to teach me a lesson, and I could then share this lesson with all of you. Always learning, always growing, and thankfully, always seeing the blessing in every situation.
One and a half weeks ago I wrote that opening sentence, and this:
There's a lot going on, a lot of plans made or being made, not a lot of time left, and so much work pending, but no way I'm going to dedicate myself to getting it done anytime soon. Almost every day I have an emotional breakdown, because the realization that my time here is almost over hits, and sends me into this nostalgic pit of feelings and memories. It's a really interesting period of time to Be a Conscious Being, and this Being is sure to go out with a Big Conscious BANG!
I know I need to spend a full weekend or three day period "locked up" inside the house, alone, and sadly, on the computer. This is crucial to everything I want to do in my life, because on my computer is where I will finish my new website, work on my first book, make my YouTube channel, and look into website designs and information pertinent to my first company, that will hopefully launch next summer. So as you can see, I really need to spend a large chunk of time on the computer, but I know it's not going to happen until after mid-July.
There are only five weeks remaining in my time as a Spanish resident (three as I update/actually post), I've got trips planned to other countries for two of the weekends I've got left (now one), and then will begin traveling for seven weeks. Pretty much, there is no chance of me spending a weekend by myself inside the house on the computer during these time frames. But what I will do, is try to put in at least three hours of work each Saturday-Monday on the above projects. Then I guess I can justify just accepting the fact none of this stuff is going to be finished very soon. It's all about finding the balance, and for me, for now, this is mine.
But apparently this plan and idea of balance wasn't the one God had in mind for me, or the one my gastrointestinal system had in mind for me, or the one that was best for my life, because currently, instead of wandering around the meant-to-be-amazing Santiago de Compostela in the Galician region of Northern Spain, I am staying home on the BRAT diet, and feeling quite like my grandmother: scared to go anywhere there's not a toilet. (I guess this will help me have more sympathy and understanding for her while I'm home with her.)
Without getting into too much detail, I can just tell you that my current intestinal situation isn't one that makes a person feel brave enough to board a flight and head off with plans of walking around and gorging on delicious Galician cuisine for three days. Unfortunately, because I was really, really, really looking forward to all that good food!
However, no matter how much I was looking forward to the trip, once I'd just accepted the fact that I wasn't going to be roaming the charming streets of Santiago this weekend, I was overcome with joy at the realization that I had four days ahead of me with no work and no plans! Then, I also realized that this meant I'd inadvertently, without trying or wanting, gained myself my few days cooped up indoors to work. Which is exactly why I've spent the entire day in the armchair in the living room watching television, and this is the only thing I've written. (Hey, it's my first day home sick, gimmie a break, alright!? Just walking 30 steps down the street to the market for rice and apples was a risk, which almost proved to be an accident, if you know what I mean. I've gotta stay as close to the bathroom as possible, and this chair just so happens to be five steps away.) So pretty much, God has used this slightly annoying situation to gift me exactly what I've known I really needed, but wasn't going to give myself. And that's the lesson...
Sometimes we know when we need to take a break. The hope is that we are in touch enough with ourselves and our goals, that we are able to determine what it is we need (or better, ideally, what God wants for us/the Holy Spirit is telling us) in each moment, and listen to it. Pursue it. Honor it. And often what will happen if we don't honor it, if we make the conscious choice [over and over again] to dishonor it or put it off -- in other words, if we try to take control and make the final decisions w/o checking in with The Big Guy (or whatever higher source you check in with) -- then sometimes, the decision will be made for us. And sometimes, it won't be delivered in a way we might choose. So, always honor the things you know you should do, and that are important in helping you attain the future and get/Be where you want to be in life. :)
I hope you have a lovely weekend, and spend it smiling, breathing deeply, and passing time Being present in The Now, and in a state of gratitude.
I love you Earth Fam!
Blessings, Love, Light & Wonder,