How I Feel About: Pregnancy

{{ painting by the absolutely amazing Lisete Alcalde }}

What I'm about to write is likely to raise a lot of eyebrows, and probably, piss some people off, but you know what? This is my creative platform, and while I love you all and appreciate you coming along on this ride of life of mine, and while I don't mean to be rude, I fully participate in freedom of expression. If I didn't, I wouldn't wear the clothes I wear or have faded blue-to-green dye in my hair. Now would I have recently "developed" my new favorite way of working out: putting my music on shuffle or a mix, and coordinating my treadmill time to the song. AKA I'm just groovin' and-a movin', dancin' on the treadmill. Jogging when it feels right, running when it doesn't, and walking like a weirdo with my arms flailing all around and feet bouncin to the beat the rest of the time. (And also whilst I walk down the street to and from the gym.) I think the Spanish quite like it. (They do not get me at all.) That said, I'd like to talk about how I feel about..... *drum roll please*

PREGNANCY!

:D Uh-oh.

I'd guess, that due to who and how I am, most people would assume that I am enthralled by every aspect of pregnancy. That since I'm such a happy, free-flowing hippie, sprinkling love and pixie dust everywhere I go, I just must looove pregnant bellies, little baby heartbeats, newborns, and everything else that comes with it. Well, hate to break it to you folks, I'm not a pure-anything, so while I may be a Love-&-Light pusher, I am not, in fact, in love with eeeevvvverything. For example, pregnancy. (Sorry in advance to any I may offend.)

I've gotta level with you webernet, I am fairly disgusted by the whole thing of it. Truly. And I laugh as I say this, because it goes against so much of the grain that I am, but it's how I feel.

So many friends have been having babies over the years (showing no signs of slowing down, I might add), and yeah, it's adorable, I freak out when I see one, my internal clock has started going off and telling me I want one, but until it is cleaned up from all that bloody, placenta-y mess, keep that newborn bundle away, please!

Umbilical chords? NASTY.

That is the most alien-looking ish I've ever seen on Earth, and while I admire its life-giving-and-growing abilities and purpose, I do not care to see it. Nor do I really support you burying the placenta in the backyard, or eating it for its health benefits. The thought makes me want to vomit. Have you seen a placenta? Doesn't exactly look appetizing. I understand preserving it to take cells from in case something terrible happens to your child at some point in life, but at the same time, don't you think keeping it "just in case" already raises the chance of something happening? Ya know, that little thing called Manifest Destiny?

(I realize I'm not delivering a very well thought out post here, and there are an insane amount of angles to argue, but consider this almost a kind of rant, and gimmie a little break, por favor.

And I would, again, like to apologize to any/all cultures I'm offending. I see the beautiful side to planting the placenta in the garden, too, but when I think about handling it, my skin curls.)

Oh, and pregnant bellies? Ohhhh, no, no. STAY A-WAY!

I am totally blown-away by the fact there is another little human growing inside you, but I don't see a massive, enlarged stomach and think, "Wow, now that's so beautiful." Tears don't come to my eyes, my thoughts don't go to "the miracle of life," I want to touch it, but cringe as I do, and by the way, your belly button protruding from your body also freaks me out a bit. Instead, I tend to think, "Ew, I can't even imagine what you're feeling and going through while growing that thing. I'm so happy for you, and amazed, but I also feel kinda bad. Sorry." So I may be smiling, and my emotions of amazement are likely true, but inside, I am also really put-off. The cravings, the pain, the stretchmarks, the emotional roller coaster, the misery of contractions and childbirth in general, yeah, it's one of the coolest things about being a woman, but probably also one of the worst.

I mean, come on! Do you want to shove a giant watermelon out of a hole that's usually the size of a cherry, passing it through a canal that's about the size of a fat carrot? Does that sound "amazing," "beautiful," "magical," "so wonderful," to you? I don't think so. (Guys, I know you can feel me on this one! Back me up here, I'm pissing a lot of feminists off!)

Granted, I'm completely downplaying how truly amazing, beautiful, magical and wonderful I do think the whole thing is, and honestly, I'm fascinated by us women and our abilities to make another person inside of us. (Thank you, men, for your valuable contribution!) I mean, the anatomy involved in that is crazy! The science behind it? Mind-blowing! We are basically just beautiful aliens, walking around, being women, and then doing these crazy-weird-cool things with our bodies. Kinda like undercover superheros, but everyone knows our power. Hmm...

But on the other hand, do you look at a person and think, "Now that's a great space to create a baby?" Probably not. It's not exactly our first instinct upon viewing someone. (Though it is proven, that subconsciously it is something of an instinct, which is why, in general, men are more drawn to curvaceous women, because their physical structure is more adept for childbirth.) I know I don't look at all my female friends and think, "Now you have got a great mid-section available for pro-creation! Wow, wow, ohh la la! Your hips are perfectly spread apart, and girl, when that stomach blows up, it's gonna look so good!" It's not really a compliment we tend to give one another. But just wait till your friend says she's having a baby, then everyone is fawning over this part of her body they were probably judging and critiquing before. (Don't deny it ladies, we are freakishly programmed to compare ourselves to one another. Something we must put an end to. We are one!!!)

Honestly, I feel kind of bad saying all of this, because I really do think it's great that this is part of life and how we make new life, but as impressed as I am by it, I'm equally as weird-ed out. I could spend hours just thinking about how cool it is -- this capability we have to literally grow another being inside, like trees spreading their roots and sprouting up from ground. I am entirely blown-away and mesmerized by this creation of life, but at the same time, completely freaked out, confused, and unable to comprehend it. And it's my body that's going to do it someday! Gosh, what a complex!

Again, sorry to all the beautiful women out there I know [or don't] that are pregnant, or have been pregnant. I'm not trying to draw any dark clouds over your clear, blue baby skies (no, this is not a reference to color/gender). I just have been feeling overwhelmed by these feelings lately, as there are SO MANY baby posts popping up on my News Feed. It's like I'm sitting there, so, so happy for these people, liking the photo, but my insides are doing flips and turns and I am grossed out and excited all at the same time. Perhaps I haven't fully matured. (Hope not. Hope never.)

So, congrats to all the new moms and future moms out there! Eventually I'll join you, and probably, hopefully, all these sentiments will change. They're in flux all the time anyways, but I think underlying emotions of "noOOooo" have always been there. We'll see what happens.


Disclaimer: this post is in no way meant to offend any preggo people, feminists, men, extraterrestrials, people who can't have babies, cultures, dogs, sheep, trees, or anyone/thing in between. I love you all. Really, I do. Forgive if I've been insensitive. I'm a blazing ball of energy today, and my mind is doing weird things. :-* And truly, I'm really excited for you and your crying, pooping, can't-do-anything-alone bundle of joy. Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean that. Or did I..... ;)

(I didn't really. Babies are great. I was just playing with some the other day. I'm just glad one isn't my responsibility yet.)

Blessings, Love, Light & Wonder to all,

May your day be as weird as those growing bellies out there! 

;)

-Allison <3