Writing a book has been something I've wanted to do for longer than I'd like to admit. It's also a dream I suppressed so much, and felt so strange about, that I actually couldn't really admit how long I've wanted to be a published author if I wanted to, since every time I thought about it, I immediately denied myself the pleasure of indulging in the dream. Instead, the instant it entered my mind, it was followed with excuses why it wouldn't make sense. My mind would flood with thoughts like, "Do you really think you can write a book?" "Who would even read it?" "What would you write about?" "Do you honestly think you have enough to say to write a book?" "Who do you think you are anyways? That's pretty egotistical of you, don't you think? You must really believe you're something or someone if you think you could write a book and be successful." Or, "Don't give yourself so much credit," and any number of other negative, discouraging things. And I'm not sure when I decided to just shut all that down with a big, "SCREW YOU! I'm going to do this even if no one reads it! I'm doing it for me, because I want to, because it's MY dream, and one I truly do have the power to fulfill, regardless of the outcome! I am doing this for me. I'm going for this one! It's time for you fears to STEP ASIDE!!!"
I know to a lot of people that know me, it seems like I'm living some sort of fearless, bold, dream-chasing life, and I will say, in a lot of ways I am. But the life I'm living feels so incredibly authentic and natural to me, that while I still consider each day and moment a new adventure, I definitely don't have the ability to see myself as brave or out of the ordinary. And while I know I Am an Adventurer, I am still surprised by some of the reactions, responses and encouraging words people pass my way. This is simply my path, and I'm fulfilling it. That's what we're meant to do, right? Just as someone who has a burning fire for education goes on to teach, and do an amazing job at it. I happened to draw Adventurer and Explorer when I reached into the bag, that's all.
So while it may seem to you all that I've been living my dreams and making my life exactly what I want it to be, which don't get me wrong, I definitely have been, but to level with you, I've still been holding a lot in. There are still so many things I'm too scared to do or try, so many things I want to learn, see, become, and attempt, and I'm sure there's an endless list of them that's buried too deep within me to be reached thus far. Writing a book, especially about my adventures, was one of the things I've been holding back on for too long now, wanting for too long without allowing myself to have it, and the time has come to stop!
Like I said, I don't care if I don't make any money on it. I'm going to self-publish it, and what I will gain from it -- knowing that I decided not to let my fears of failure, judgement, and inadequacy get me down, again, and that I actually have published a book -- are going to be the only payment and reward my satisfied soul will need! And that is what I'm focusing on here, and why I have officially started writing my first book!
It's going to be a biography, which makes me feel incredibly egotistical and self-conscious, but I think my story is a pretty inspiring and adventurous one, and I'd like to share it! I'm starting it back in Los Angeles, where I was in love, living and working before I came here, and then will go through the last couple years. Of course, it could always parlay into into a series of short stories, where I include some of the wildest travel stories I've acquired, and best bits of wisdom I've gained along the way. It's still untitled, less than 10 pages long, and going to keep transforming as I write it, but one thing is for sure: by New Year's 2015, by the time we tick into next year, I will be a self-published author!!!
You hear that UnivEarth!?!?!
I'M GOING TO BE A PUBLISHED AUTHOR!!!!!!
(Satan, don't you even try and stop me with all that negative mess you were throwing my way before, this. is. happening!!!)
It can be really hard to admit our dreams, because a lot of people around us tend to try and bring our feet back down to touch the ground. Do you know how many times I heard, "That sounds like a great plan, but it's not very realistic," when I was running around telling everyone my big plan about moving back to Spain? I don't even know how many times; and they were all coming at me from my family! Sometimes, people say this to try and help us, like was the case with my family. They were concerned that I was going to give up an incredible opportunity (I was working for the Disney/ABC Television Group before I moved out here), and what's more, that I was putting all my eggs in one basket that might just break.
Other times, people will try and drop the word "realistic" on you, because they get freaked out when they see someone who is chasing their dreams. And when I say "their dreams", I mean theirs, yours, and everyone-in-between's. Unfortunately, it's all too common for people to try and get other people to chicken out on something they'd be too scared to do themselves. They project their fears and feelings on others, often without realizing it, just grasping for someone to meet them on their level. So when they look bewildered by your plans, ideas, dreams, and goals, and tell you, "It sounds great, but isn't very realistic," just know, they're doing this weird human thing we do, where we try to keep others from having the success we want for ourselves. It's all of our fears that hold us back, triggering, firing, and making us feel badly and insecure, in turn causing us to try and get that other person who seems to be so shining down to our level.
An incredibly wise pastor once said, "If you don't have any enemies, you must not be following Him too closely." He was referring to Jesus, but you can just as easily swap that out for anything -- your dreams, your hopes, your desires, your goals, your wishes, your moral standings, your practices, anything and everything can be switched into that place. In general, people are drawn to those that shine because they're living true to themselves, but there will always be those voices, inside and outside, that try to stop you. Just remember this:
If the pressure's rising, it's probably because you're about to blast off!
I hope you are having a wonderful start to your week, and consider accepting and embracing a dream you might have been pushing aside till now. Give it a shot, just start it somehow, and you'll probably be surprised by the reaction you get from the people you were worried would judge you. I know I have been!
Happy, happy life and lots of love to all my brothers and sisters out there,
You Are Amazing!
Blessings, Love, Light & Wonder,