Allow Yourself to Embrace Your...

Writing a book has been something I've wanted to do for longer than I'd like to admit. It's also a dream I suppressed so much, and felt so strange about, that I actually couldn't really admit how long I've wanted to be a published author if I wanted to, since every time I thought about it, I immediately denied myself the pleasure of indulging in the dream. Instead, the instant it entered my mind, it was followed with excuses why it wouldn't make sense. My mind would flood with thoughts like, "Do you really think you can write a book?" "Who would even read it?" "What would you write about?" "Do you honestly think you have enough to say to write a book?" "Who do you think you are anyways? That's pretty egotistical of you, don't you think? You must really believe you're something or someone if you think you could write a book and be successful." Or, "Don't give yourself so much credit," and any number of other negative, discouraging things. And I'm not sure when I decided to just shut all that down with a big, "SCREW YOU! I'm going to do this even if no one reads it! I'm doing it for me, because I want to, because it's MY dream, and one I truly do have the power to fulfill, regardless of the outcome! I am doing this for me. I'm going for this one! It's time for you fears to STEP ASIDE!!!"

I know to a lot of people that know me, it seems like I'm living some sort of fearless, bold, dream-chasing life, and I will say, in a lot of ways I am. But the life I'm living feels so incredibly authentic and natural to me, that while I still consider each day and moment a new adventure, I definitely don't have the ability to see myself as brave or out of the ordinary. And while I know I Am an Adventurer, I am still surprised by some of the reactions, responses and encouraging words people pass my way. This is simply my path, and I'm fulfilling it. That's what we're meant to do, right? Just as someone who has a burning fire for education goes on to teach, and do an amazing job at it. I happened to draw Adventurer and Explorer when I reached into the bag, that's all.

So while it may seem to you all that I've been living my dreams and making my life exactly what I want it to be, which don't get me wrong, I definitely have been, but to level with you, I've still been holding a lot in. There are still so many things I'm too scared to do or try, so many things I want to learn, see, become, and attempt, and I'm sure there's an endless list of them that's buried too deep within me to be reached thus far. Writing a book, especially about my adventures, was one of the things I've been holding back on for too long now, wanting for too long without allowing myself to have it, and the time has come to stop!

Like I said, I don't care if I don't make any money on it. I'm going to self-publish it, and what I will gain from it -- knowing that I decided not to let my fears of failure, judgement, and inadequacy get me down, again, and that I actually have published a book -- are going to be the only payment and reward my satisfied soul will need! And that is what I'm focusing on here, and why I have officially started writing my first book!

It's going to be a biography, which makes me feel incredibly egotistical and self-conscious, but I think my story is a pretty inspiring and adventurous one, and I'd like to share it! I'm starting it back in Los Angeles, where I was in love, living and working before I came here, and then will go through the last couple years. Of course, it could always parlay into into a series of short stories, where I include some of the wildest travel stories I've acquired, and best bits of wisdom I've gained along the way. It's still untitled, less than 10 pages long, and going to keep transforming as I write it, but one thing is for sure: by New Year's 2015, by the time we tick into next year, I will be a self-published author!!!

You hear that UnivEarth!?!?! 

I'M GOING TO BE A PUBLISHED AUTHOR!!!!!! 

(Satan, don't you even try and stop me with all that negative mess you were throwing my way before, this. is. happening!!!)

It can be really hard to admit our dreams, because a lot of people around us tend to try and bring our feet back down to touch the ground. Do you know how many times I heard, "That sounds like a great plan, but it's not very realistic," when I was running around telling everyone my big plan about moving back to Spain? I don't even know how many times; and they were all coming at me from my family! Sometimes, people say this to try and help us, like was the case with my family. They were concerned that I was going to give up an incredible opportunity (I was working for the Disney/ABC Television Group before I moved out here), and what's more, that I was putting all my eggs in one basket that might just break.

Other times, people will try and drop the word "realistic" on you, because they get freaked out when they see someone who is chasing their dreams. And when I say "their dreams", I mean theirs, yours, and everyone-in-between's. Unfortunately, it's all too common for people to try and get other people to chicken out on something they'd be too scared to do themselves. They project their fears and feelings on others, often without realizing it, just grasping for someone to meet them on their level. So when they look bewildered by your plans, ideas, dreams, and goals, and tell you, "It sounds great, but isn't very realistic," just know, they're doing this weird human thing we do, where we try to keep others from having the success we want for ourselves. It's all of our fears that hold us back, triggering, firing, and making us feel badly and insecure, in turn causing us to try and get that other person who seems to be so shining down to our level.

An incredibly wise pastor once said, "If you don't have any enemies, you must not be following Him too closely." He was referring to Jesus, but you can just as easily swap that out for anything -- your dreams, your hopes, your desires, your goals, your wishes, your moral standings, your practices, anything and everything can be switched into that place. In general, people are drawn to those that shine because they're living true to themselves, but there will always be those voices, inside and outside, that try to stop you. Just remember this:

If the pressure's rising, it's probably because you're about to blast off!

I hope you are having a wonderful start to your week, and consider accepting and embracing a dream you might have been pushing aside till now. Give it a shot, just start it somehow, and you'll probably be surprised by the reaction you get from the people you were worried would judge you. I know I have been! 

Happy, happy life and lots of love to all my brothers and sisters out there,

You Are Amazing!

Blessings, Love, Light & Wonder,

Allison <3

My Morning Mind-Blower

If you've been following my blog for a while or are part of my life, then I'm almost certain you've become aware of my frequent "highs and lows." For example, here you can get an idea of what my highs are like, and then just imagine, that my lows involve very little love and light, and me being essentially irritated with everyone and everything, especially, and namely, myself.

So for the longest time now, I've been trying to discover the source of these irritating mood swings, so I can stomp them out, and say goodbye to them forever! Which as we all should recognize/realize, isn't the way it works, nor what will ever really happen. It's not in God's design for our lives. In which case, the question becomes, "What do I do about them?" or, "How can I better handle them?"

This pair of questions have played through my mind like a favorite song I can't seem to forget, and as I was writing in my journal just moments ago, I had a fairly major breakthrough! Here is what I wrote -- it started with a prayer:

Lord, please help me achieve consistency. 

(Something I am consistently asking for, as well as balance.)

I guess, the moment I stop being so resistant to my constant state of changing, is the moment I will be consistent, because the highs and lows, swinging of the pendulum, will lose its power over me, and I can/will live in peaceful acceptance.

Hmm-Hmm.. yes, this must be one of the final stepping stones to me fully accepting myself and loving myself:

Accepting and loving the fact I'm not always energetically or mentally the one I want to be. And not trying to overcome the "lows" through the "power of suppression," but instead, just going through them with a smile, knowing I traverse the plains with God, and that it's a temporary period.

I like this! <3 I think it'll work!

And I do believe it will work, because for the longest time, I tried to deny the existence of these periods in which I am not so full of Love and Light, as to not give them more energy and make them greater. Which is silly, as I know and believe, "What you resist persists." So really, that was never a good practice to try and uphold. Instead, I must learn to accept and love this ever-changing and swaying parts of me, and know that just because I'm in a period of less love, doesn't mean I'm not still love, nor that I temporarily stopped carrying the torch of the Lord's Light (this is not possible, as He lives in me, and goes where I go). 

Oh, how I love these mornings where I can just write, dive deep into myself, and let God reveal answers to questions I wasn't even meaning to ask! What a beautiful therapeutic practice writing is for me -- so many revelations come my way with pen in hand. I know writing is part of my destiny, and am thrilled by the opportunity to watch how it becomes a more prevalent part of my life. I've also come to grips with the fact I really do want to start a Youtube channel at some point, too, in spite of my fear of failing at it. But I think, I'd like to wait and do it before I begin The Adventure That Never Ends (the big backpacking/volunteer trip), because a travel-and-volunteer-based channel is more my thing than one in which I simply talk to you all. ***Coming Soon to a YouTube link near you!***

I hope you've taken some time to seek and Be inside yourself today. It's of the utmost importance in this world we live in, that makes us feel like simply sitting and breathing is not an accomplishment of any great sort. When in actuality, above all else, it matters most. Protecting your heart, and breathing deep breaths of gratitude, these are the keys the health and happiness. :)

I love you, world. 

I can't wait to be roaming around free in you, exploring all there is to be explored, and letting the Lord deliver to me the people and places I'm meant to see! Ahh, what a lovely dream! 

(And soon to become my reality) 

^_^

Blessings, Love & Light from Above

<3

PS. I'm getting a new tattoo today! Pictures and a post to come soon!

Absolutely Wretched.

Alright, so I'm not sure why I am soooo incredibly bad at this whole blogging thing, other than to say that, I am living my life, and doing it in quite a lazy fashion. I will be setting a new goal for myself, and that is to write a new blog entry simply once a week (which in Allison-land, means we're lucky to get one every two). I am going to mark it on my calendar, and try to put out a new post every Sunday. Sunday will become my day of accomplishments (pending my weekly-changing work schedule). 

ADD Drift: Growing up I went to summer camp and we were instructed to create a "camp name." These names were supposed to include our real names somehow, but be creative and made-up. I went into the first day of my first year with no camp name, but was given one on my first night by a fellow, and might I add, more creative camper. She deemed me "Allison-Wonderland," coming from none other than "Alice in Wonderland." I never could have known how appropriate this would prove to be to my life, since I tend to live in "wonderland" and "Allison-land." And now back on track!

Update: Currently I am back on my ADD medication! But fear not, the ADD drifts and randomness that is my life will not fade! I have got to finish out the semester strong and focused, and trying to do so without my meds was proving not to be the wisest of choices. So it has been one week (perhaps two??), and I am not sure how much of a difference I feel. Although I'm sure it would help if I could remember to take it every day. Am I sounding like an 80-year old? Because I certainly have been feeling like one! My mind has left me and become a jumbled mess of fairy tales, dreams, and a constant shift in what I would like to do with my future. 

My current conclusion: Be a travel writer/blogger! And then form an organization whose purpose is to help other people and make a positive change/difference in the world!

I presume that there are many of you out there, hanging on my every word, depressed beyond belief when I take my 3 week leaves and give you nothing, but ecstatic and loving me right back once I give you something to read. (As we can see, I like to use my imagination, but hey, what is life without dreams!?) So it is you that I will depend on to help me gain fame and recognition, which will ultimately help me gain funding to do charitable work with my life. And as I have decided that there are without a doubt many of you out there wondering what I will do with my life, here you go! The following would be my ideal future (at least for the next few years):

1) Finish everything I need to for school and pass those classes! Included in this is to finally finish my application for Profex (being a teaching assistant in Spain).

2) Save tons of CHEDDA!

I have big plans and they are going to require some capital! I will be done with school in 3 short weeks, and plan to work full-time and save up as much as I can (for the rest of my big plan, of course)!

3) Leave in July for SPAIN! I will begin the hunt for an apartment, and get myself settled in. 

4) Attend TOMORROWLAND in BOOM, Belgium from Friday, July 27-Sunday, July 29!!! Now listen here faithful followers, this is the music festival of all music festivals! I know we in the U.S. have EDC, LovEvolution, Coachella, Ultra, and many, many more, but Tomorrowland is truly special. In a similar fashion to Burning Man, they create a whole new world. And since I plan to be living in Europe in the upcoming year anyways, I figure I might as well get there early, enjoy the European summer, and hit up one of the most epic festivals to hit planet earth!

5) Come October, I will (and please note, that here I would put "hopefully," but as I intend to make all of this happen, I will not be using that word, as it implies a chance of these glorious things not happening) be an English teaching assistant to some cute lil Spanish munchkins (not to imply they are of short-stature)! 

And finally, this will all coincide with my blogging. Which will be about the places I go, the people of those places, their cultures, food, and I will likely use an annoying amount of photos. I will use photos to depict the beauty of the places I see, as well as share some of the sadness. I realize that sharing sad images is not really a conventional way to gain a following, but I have a much larger goal and aspiration: WORLD PEACE.

Call me crazy, but I am determined to do what I can to help guide this wonderful world in a more peaceful and loving direction :) 

So within my traveling and what-not-ing, I hope to connect with people who have the common hope of making a positive difference in the world. (Attention TOMS and similar organizations: If you are reading this, I LOVE what you're doing and would love even more to be a part of it-- HIRE ME!?!)

And now that I have laid it all out, while I feel as though I could continue to write for a while, I will end this entry, and carry the joy of writing into a new day, not one that is 3 weeks away! 

Today's quote comes straight to us from Tomorrowland itself: "Yesterday is history. Today is a gift. Tomorrow is a mystery."

DREAM ON PEOPLE!!!!!