Trusting Intuition & Bumming Rides

I have to admit, I feel quite bad that I didn't write at all in the time I was out of the country, but truly, I was taking in so much new information, I felt a little overwhelmed at the thought of stopping and slowing and trying to process anything, then write it out. So, I have spent some time only traveling around, at a fairly rapid pace it seemed, and am still trying to process and work through everything I saw, felt, tasted, and experienced in the last ten days. But don't fret fellow adventurers, posts will be coming within the week about Bratislava, Vienna, Budapest, Málaga, and much more! For now, I'm just going to write about The Adventure of the Hour.

It's quite funny, actually, because just a couple days before I came back, I was telling my parents that the trip had gone incredibly well, but was fairly tame, and nothing really radical had happened. I even said it had been kind of boring. (Only in reference to wild adventures, which I tend to expect/experience during my travels and life.) Of course, my father commented on how it wasn't such a bad thing, and enabled everyone to relax a little more. But me, I like a good story, and expect them every time I walk out the door, so I was kinda bummed nothing too nuts had gone down. And then, as an answer to my unintentional prayer, adventure was delivered to me! I had to wait till I was back on Spanish soil for it to happen, but it did, and here it goes...

I flew in and out of Málaga's airport, which means going by blablacar (ride sharing) or bus from my town to Sevilla or Córdoba, and then again by blablacar or bus to Málaga. It's not the greatest arrangement, but every once in a while, it's okay. And I got really lucky with the blablacar I'd arranged to get from Málaga to Sevilla, because they were going to be leaving from the airport, and I wouldn't have to get into town and then sort out where to meet them. This was especially good news considering the previous adventure I'd had prior to departing.

We were meant to leave the airport between 16:30 and 17h, the trip takes about 2 1/2 hours, and the last bus I know about from Sevilla to Écija leaves at 20h, meaning I'd have a perfect amount of time to arrive and catch the bus back home. It seemed like a perfect plan, until four of the five of us who were going to go in the car went to get it from the parking place, and were told it had a flat tire. The couple whose car it is had no idea how this was possible, since they'd driven it there without one, left it there without one, and supposedly the car had been in the care of the parking people for nearly a week. Immediately I knew I wouldn't be making the last bus back to my town, and that I was about to get my adventure.

Surprisingly, it only took about an hour and fifteen minutes for the guy to come (we're in Spain, so that's incredibly fast, really), and instead of taking the car to the workshop, changing the tire, then driving back like they originally planned on doing (which none of us could figure out why, but again, we're in Spain), he just put some gook in it to hold it closed till we could get to Sevilla. So it ended up being about 18:30 when we left, and I started looking for other options to get home.

I learned there might be a bus leaving from the other bus station at 22h, and was putting all my hope in it, because strangely, there were no blablacars leaving from Sevilla to Écija that night as there usually are, nor were there going to be any leaving early enough in the morning to get me back in time for my 8:15 class! Completely opposite of how it usually is. Yep, I'd landed myself right in the middle of a new adventure.

We were driving along the highway for a while, getting closer to Sevilla, and then suddenly, I saw signs for Osuna, a town that's not far from Écija. I asked if we were going to pass through/by Osuna, and we looked on the map to find we'd be going right past it! I know that a lot of people go between Osuna and Écija because the hospital is much larger there than here, and the Holy Spirit started to prompt me and give me that feeling it often does -- that nudging feeling, trying to coax me one way over another, tell me something, guide me. I knew immediately I should just ask to be dropped in Osuna when I felt my chest tightening up, the way it does when an idea that makes me nervous comes to mind, but that comes from a place I know is far Higher than my mind. So what did I do? I tried to get it to back off, suppress it, because I'd rather get to Sevilla hoping there's a bus, than stand outside the hospital in a super-small Spanish town, asking every person that passes if they're going to my town. I was nervous to have to ask so many people, put myself out there like that, and run the risk of not getting back that night.

I started praying, sending messages to people in Écija to ask if they knew anyone going from the hospital that evening, and considered my two options. I really did not want to take the Osuna option, but then I thought about how I try to promote living a life that is based on going with your inner guide, doing things that freak you out, trusting God, and all that stuff I "sell", and I knew I couldn't not take my own advice in that moment. I knew I couldn't sit here and type to you all that it is the best possible thing you can do in your life to put it in the hands of God and trust Him with it all, if I wasn't willing to trust Him as far as to sort out a good, safe, timely lift home for me. I knew exactly what I needed to do. The time had come to stop suppressing the Spirit, and watch God work in my life. So in the last possible minute, as we were about to pass the off ramp into Osuna, I blurted out in full faith, "Could you drop me off at the hospital in Osuna!?" We veered off, and within minutes I was putting on my rucksack and walking towards the doors of the hospital, prepared to face a long string of rejection, but positive it'd all turn out.

In my daily devotional book, one of the quotes I pulled from it and have stuck on my wall says, "If you live your life too safely, you will never know the thrill of seeing Me work through you." (From Jesus, of course:) I read it from time-to-time, and try to allow it to manifest in my life, using it as a sort of creed for being daringly adventurous, always trusting I'll be fine. And this moment seemed too perfect to allow it to be played out. I mean, what's the worst case scenario here? I end up having to walk the 35 kilometers to my town, with my pack on, in twelve hours, all through the night, in order to make it to work on time? God would never let that be the case... I hope. :-/

So I gear up, and get ready to face one of my worst fears and least favorite friends, over, and over, and over, and over again: rejection. 

I first went into the hospital to ask the receptionist if she knew anyone who was going to be leaving for Écija, and she said no, but that a lot of shifts were ending at that moment, so loads of people would be leaving. Then I took to standing outside, and asked every single person that came out the doors if they were, by any chance, going to Écija.

I've been told by every hitchhiker I know that Spain is a really hard place to hitch, and they try to avoid it at all costs, because you can lose hours trying to find a lift. So it didn't really surprise me that time after time I was told "no", especially considering what I was wearing, and the fact I looked like a proper hippie/alt-kid backpacker, and definitely smelled pretty bad.

I looked something similar to this, but with a quieter scarf and no flower in my hair, plus my backpacker's pack, which I kind of hid off to the side after a few minutes a.) to relieve my back, and b.) to appear "more normal".

One man said no because he only had room for one person and had to take his mother, one woman said no because her car was too full, one young guy said he could take me tomorrow morning, and would normally help me out in the moment, but he was there to visit his grandma and couldn't leave (kind offer, but I could sense some creepy intentions and was quite pleased he couldn't help me in my moment of need), I'd like to think no one lied when they said no, and then, after "only" 35 minutes of asking (throwing in some, "I live in Écija and work there"'s to try and convince the people I'm not just some weird traveling hippie hopping around small, Spanish towns), I got a "Yes"!!! Enter: Francisco.

Fran, as I shall call him, started by asking me a slew of rapidly delivered questions, as if I were a contestant on 20 questions and the clock was running out fast! At first I was surprised, but when I thought about it from his side, I understood all the curiosity. I mean, what is a young American gal doing standing outside a hospital asking for lifts from one random, small town to another?

He ended up being such a nice person, gave me a bunch of advice about life and traveling, and by the end of the lift, he told me he wished he was 30-years old and single, because then he'd ask me if I wanted to go have a couple beers. Haha! Fran was very kind, and delivered some beautiful words to me about the kind of person I am, that I think was God's way of smiling down on me, telling me I'd done right by trusting Him that far. It's pretty amazing the things that God (life, the Universe, yourself, whatever you choose to put your faith in, if anything/one at all) has in store for us when we just GET OUT OF THE WAY and let it happen!

Truly, there is so much good stuff that wants to happen to us, come to us, and bless us, but our fears, our doubts, our silly, limited human logic, and our inabilities to step aside prevent it all from happening. I hope this story inspires you to take some chances and let life carry you along its Grander-Than-Us Plan! To trust that all will turn out wonderfully if you let it and just trust.

Oh, and if you need some more convincing you haven't somehow gotten through any of my adventures, by taking this option, the "Scary and Uncertain One", I was walking in the door to my house at 21:05, earlier than I would have had we not have had a flat tire and I'd made the 20h bus I was originally planning on taking, and 2 1/2 hours earlier than I would have if there'd been a bus at 22h and I caught it. So really, this option, the one I could have never planned on taking or using, ended up being the best one in the end! Funny how that happens! ;)

Sending you epic amounts of love and light, and wishing you wonder and blessings!

-Allie-Sun <3

Two Years To Now

Exactly two years and two weeks have passed since I boarded a one-way flight and stepped off it and onto Spanish terrain. So much has happened to me, in me, and through me in the last two years, that as I sit here looking at one-way flights back to California, I am taken by sadness.

The last two years have meant a break-up, my first heartbreak, my first major road trip, my first really long solo backpacking trip, overcoming the fear of hitchhiking, the learning of a new language, visiting five new countries and counting, sharing time with people in over 30 cities, living in three new cities and on an island, kayaking 136 kilometers around another island, making friends in over 15 countries, deep conversations with countless strangers, and an abundance of insight shared, gained, and explored. They have meant being away from the country I called home for nearly my entire life, and separating myself from my friends and family. It required leaving behind everything familiar, to move into a place where I couldn't understand what was being said around me, or communicate what was inside me to anyone that was around. And they have proved to be more valuable than any other period of years I likely have lived till now. So how can I sit here, looking at flights, knowing that whichever one I choose will be the "The End" written at the end of this particular story? I keep trying to rationalize buying a flight that leaves just a few days later, but the reality of it is: this chapter is coming to a close. And while I prefer to think of the "The End" as a "To Be Continued," I know that this particular adventure will soon come to its close.

Spain has been so good to me for so many reasons, too many to even grasp. This country will always be where my love affair with life abroad and my dedication to a life of travel started. When I came here, wide-eyed and unknowing, expecting to eat burritos, tacos, and enchiladas everyday back in 2009, I couldn't have ever known it'd be a place I'd come back to and inhabit for over two-plus years more. (Yes, I really did think that I would be eating Mexican food all the time... in Spain. Just a glimpse at how high my level of global awareness was prior to life abroad the first time. O_o) And I couldn't be more grateful now, as I sit here in a traditional Spanish town, writing these words, that this is the journey I've been blessed enough to take.

I still remember saying goodbye to my friends in Las Arenas (Getxo, Bilbao, Northern Spain) back in 2010, as I got ready to go home, gather my bags, and make the journey back to California the first time. I was crying so much, because I was so sad to be leaving the single-most impacting experience of my life behind. Deep down, I knew I'd be back, but it just seemed so impossible and far away at the time, I couldn't see it as a reality that would ever happen. Then, in 2012, sitting in my cubicle at Disney/ABC, looking at pictures of faraway places, internally screaming to be there; wondering how I could be sacrificing my soul in a cube among countless others, when what I really wanted was to leave it all behind and just go, anywhere. I distinctly remember bawling my eyes out at the airport the day my dad dropped me off to catch my flight over here in 2013. As the plane was taking off, I had to use everything in me to suppress the urge to shout for them to stop the plane and let me out. I was terrified, I had no idea what was about to happen to me/in my life, and I was so sure that not only could I not do whatever it was I was about to do, but that I flat-out had no idea what I was even thinking with any of it, or trying to do. Then I remembered: this isn't a roller coaster, per say. ;-) And I will always remember the moment that my feelings shifted from, "HOLY FLYING F WHAT AM I THINKING!?!?!" to "This is the plane that's going to take me back to Spain. I did it. I actually did it.. I'm going back. Oh My Gosh, I'm going back! I'm going back to Spain!!!!" All such powerful memories, and there have been so, so many added ones along the way.

When I was deciding whether or not to accept my placement and come to Spain, I cried every day for a week. I had no idea what to do, but even now to write it, I know it's a lie. I knew I was going to come to Spain the second I saw the word "accepted" in the email. And that's why I was really crying. I was crying for the love I was sure to lose, the friends I wasn't going to see, and perhaps also lose due to distance, time apart, and differences, the family I wouldn't be able to be with and participate in, and everything else. I was crying because I was scared, doubtful, and so unsure if going was the right thing to do. But now, time has proved what we all already knew: I had to come. I was meant to return. My wings have spread so far, and this is only the beginning.

Where once I was dreaming of wearing tight pencil skirts and heels as I walked to my corner office after parking my BWM, I now dream of Asia and a backpack, being dirty, unbathed, and unsure of where I'm going to sleep or wake up the next week. Instead of being consumed with the "need" to consume, I'm consumed with the need to travel, learn, grow, see, do, and help others. And in place of insecurity, complacency, and uncertainty, there are confidence, trust, faith in Christ that cannot be reconsidered, and strength. I might have come over here thinking it would shed some light on what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life, while giving me a chance to travel and put off that Career Reality for a while, but instead, it's just shown me that there's so much more world to see, and I can't even begin to think of a career till I've seen it all! (Although I have received some clarity on what I want to dedicate my life to doing, so in a way, Mission Accomplished!) My next destination may be home, but that certainly doesn't mean the end of the adventure!

So, I'll see you soon, Cali, but in the meantime, I've got a lot of Spain left to explore! I'll do my best to bring you guys along on the adventure, but sometimes I get really caught up in The Now. With that said, bring on the travel! Bring on the adventure! And bring on the memories!

Our lives are never going to stop providing us with opportunities. Opportunities to grow, to change, to adapt, to explore, to conquer fear, to demolish strongholds, and to accomplish the life that feels right. I beg of you, don't remain where you aren't if you don't feel fulfilled. I know it can seem like there are nothing but closed doors surrounding you, but I promise, there are even more open windows! And when you silence your fear, tell your Ego to back off, and just let your heart and soul guide you, the way out will appear, it always does. Those ladders will make themselves known. Trust yourself, trust God, just trust, and let it happen. It might take time, it might not happen how you think it should/will, but there's so much going on on other levels, so don't worry about it. We have one chance to be alive, don't waste it being unhappy and unsatisfied. There is so much out there waiting for you, sometimes you just gotta make the first move!

I love you so, so much brothers and sisters of mine. God has put us all here together, at this time, in this place, and I am so grateful to be able to share the sphere with you. This little dot, swirling around in space, is our home, and I'm happy to be living with you, dancing around in the Milky Way all day.

We think you're magical, wonderful, and often more important, capable. I hope you believe it, and believe in yourself, as well.

Have an amazing weekend loves, do something that makes you smile, and share that radiant glow everywhere you go!

Blessings, Love & Light 

from above 

<3

An Alternative Reaction, A Conscious Response

It's funny, because when we're growing up, I think we often tend to think that we're more mature than our age, or at least, more mature than we think we should be/really are. I spent a lot of years thinking I was more mature than a lot of people my age, partly in due to the fact others told me so, and partly due to the fact it's nearly impossible for us to view ourselves as we really are. So when I felt like I was sooo mature, I was actually just living, breathing, and being a typical ____-year older. Which makes me feel like I shouldn't even be writing this post, since I know I'm not anywhere near as mature as I'll finish being, but, in lieu of certain current events, I definitely am aware of what maturity is really like, as well as what life is like when you're living in constant communication/reliance on Christ.

For example, my beauty and I just got finished being totally screwed over and played by someone I used to live with. I'm not going to get into details, but let's just say, he pulled a fast one on us, in truly professional style.

Now, I think that had this been some years ago, or, because I'm an incredibly varying person depending on the moment, perhaps even just a few days ago when I was in a really negative space, my reaction to this situation would have been very, very different than it has been. There would have been a time where I would have started stalking down different people he knows, trying to get angry and/or cryptic messages to him any way I could, searching the town high and low for the shop his mom owns to tell her what he's done and try to get her to pay for it or contact him, and saying all the right things to cause a worse hurt than the one that he's inflicted (hello, I'm a woman, we are experts at knowing exactly what to say to completely destroy a person on an emotional/mental level, generally surpassing, by far, the level of hurt originally inflicted by the other party involved). But right now, in the moment, instead I chose to pray.

I know I'm probably losing or have lost some of you by this point, but honestly, after I was able to collect myself and get my jaw to come up off the floor and close, I decided I needed to pray for his soul, and those of the brothers and sisters out there like him. This was/is my prayer:

I pray for all those {{ brothers && sisters }} who steal, the ones who cheat each other. The ones who struggle so much, the overflow falls on upon those that are around. I pray for the ones who lie, the ones that hurt because they're hurting, and the ones who think that short cuts and quick pay are the only way. I pray that they realize their worth, and learn the easy way, what the results of their actions are, instead of the hard. I pray they can escape the hustle and flow of taking what they can when they've got a chance, and aspire to consciously do more for themselves and our kind. I pray that they Be Blessed, in spite of it all. B/c the hardest ones to love, are those that need it most, and can come out shining the brightest.

I can promise you, if I didn't have all my cards stacked in God's favor, there's no way in Hades I'd be praying for this guy or any of the others out there like him to be blessed. I'd be throwing down swear words and trying to muster up some spells to send his way like the witch I sometimes pretended to be. If I didn't have full faith in God, and know that the only one who's really going to suffer is the one who does some unconscious, cruel thing against one of his brothers or sisters, this would be an entirely different ball game. And I'd be throwing fast pitches straight at some skulls.

It's still really hard for me to believe that this is what's happened, but I might be even more surprised by my honest desire for him to be blessed and feel love, and the sadness I feel for the situation as a whole. Agitation is underlying, but when I really think about it, that's not what I feel, and it's certainly not what I'm choosing to embrace or expel.

This is a lesson learned, and if the main thing I get out of it, is to love right on through the tough stuff, then you know what? It's not such a bad one! I know I am a good person, and I will continue to be one. And because I believe this, I know that only blessings and beauty can come in whatever it might be. I just wish that more people realized the good in them, and didn't succumb to the hopelessness that seems to surround and consume them.

Please, if you're out there are you think the only way to live is to hustle, or that since you've been doing it so long, there's no way to stop, get out, get "good," please, I beg you to know that's not true. The Lord loves you so much, no matter what you've done, and there's always time to turn back and make a change. Your true essence, our true essence, it's so beautiful, it's so pure, it's so wonderful, it's love. You're better than you know, and far, far better than you could imagine. I love you, and I hope God blesses you.

<3

Disaster Strikes

You know how they say "what goes up, must come down?" Well, I think that applies to much more than the forces of gravity that are involved in regards to an object being tossed. I was living my life on such a high for so unnaturally long that it was destined to start to fall at some point. Everything was going so well. My days were full of positive thoughts, good vibes, and tons of love from the people around me. Constant smiles, laughter, and good times filled my time, and I couldn't believe how blessed I was to be living it all! But all good things must come to an end (which I don't fully believe), and all little girls must grow up and get a bit of a grip...

As promised, I set my alarm to wake up this morning so I could really put some time into finishing my application to Spain. I woke up when it went off (almost an hour beforehand because of some incredibly weird SciFi dreams I was having. One in particular involved me having the super power of changing from my human form into Randall from Monsters Inc.... don't ask, haha), stretched out, and even skipped the liberty of relieving myself to grab my computer and get the application done first thing. But you know how yesterday I said that "all the planning in the world could fail you when the time actually comes"? Well, that is exactly what happened to me this morning when I found out that there are no longer any applications being taken for the NALCAS. FML, right? But actually, and surprisingly, no.

Almost as soon as I decided that I was going to apply to go abroad as a teaching assistant back in October, the uneasy and unsure feelings started to set in. (I could have assumed that would happen, because with almost any decision in my life, I either regret it or wish I'd gone with the other option immediately after. Just one of the many things that makes living my life and mind ever-changing and hard to keep up with.) And by the time finals week had ended and I'd made it my mission to submit my application, I knew that wasn't what I really wanted to do, or felt I was really supposed to do. I briefly mentioned this to my parents, but the general consensus was that I should just apply anyways because I could deny the opportunity further along if, at that time, I still felt I didn't want to go back abroad in that way. Of course I still want to move back to Spain and continue my Spanish education, travel, explore, and reconnect with my familial friends over there, but I'm not sure what it was, something about doing it through NALCAS just wasn't right. I am a firm believer in gut feelings, signs, and everything happening for a reason. So this morning I couldn't help but feel a little wave of "I knew it wasn't what I was supposed to do" when I saw that there were no longer openings. Naturally I am annoyed at myself for not just sacking up and doing it earlier, but not nearly as much as I expected. I think in all honesty I feel kinda relieved. I have a very strong feeling that I am supposed to, against all my previous desires, begin a career job of some sort, or at least a more serious one, then I can really start saving up to take the Euro-trip I've always dreamed of. Pure travel, no responsibilities other than to enjoy myself and take the cities I visit for all their worth, and then return ready to "get serious" and settle down. So now I begin my search for my next great endeavor! I hope you're excited, because I will be dragging you through my adventures whether you're kicking and screaming, or enjoying it!

Today's Quote: "I know the plans I have for you, and they are good." Jeremiah 29:11