Thursday, January 26, 2012

Disaster Strikes

You know how they say "what goes up, must come down?" Well, I think that applies to much more than the forces of gravity that are involved in regards to an object being tossed. I was living my life on such a high for so unnaturally long that it was destined to start to fall at some point. Everything was going so well. My days were full of positive thoughts, good vibes, and tons of love from the people around me. Constant smiles, laughter, and good times filled my time, and I couldn't believe how blessed I was to be living it all! But all good things must come to an end (which I don't fully believe), and all little girls must grow up and get a bit of a grip...

As promised, I set my alarm to wake up this morning so I could really put some time into finishing my application to Spain. I woke up when it went off (almost an hour beforehand because of some incredibly weird SciFi dreams I was having. One in particular involved me having the super power of changing from my human form into Randall from Monsters Inc.... don't ask, haha), stretched out, and even skipped the liberty of relieving myself to grab my computer and get the application done first thing. But you know how yesterday I said that "all the planning in the world could fail you when the time actually comes"? Well, that is exactly what happened to me this morning when I found out that there are no longer any applications being taken for the NALCAS. FML, right? But actually, and surprisingly, no.

Almost as soon as I decided that I was going to apply to go abroad as a teaching assistant back in October, the uneasy and unsure feelings started to set in. (I could have assumed that would happen, because with almost any decision in my life, I either regret it or wish I'd gone with the other option immediately after. Just one of the many things that makes living my life and mind ever-changing and hard to keep up with.) And by the time finals week had ended and I'd made it my mission to submit my application, I knew that wasn't what I really wanted to do, or felt I was really supposed to do. I briefly mentioned this to my parents, but the general consensus was that I should just apply anyways because I could deny the opportunity further along if, at that time, I still felt I didn't want to go back abroad in that way. Of course I still want to move back to Spain and continue my Spanish education, travel, explore, and reconnect with my familial friends over there, but I'm not sure what it was, something about doing it through NALCAS just wasn't right. I am a firm believer in gut feelings, signs, and everything happening for a reason. So this morning I couldn't help but feel a little wave of "I knew it wasn't what I was supposed to do" when I saw that there were no longer openings. Naturally I am annoyed at myself for not just sacking up and doing it earlier, but not nearly as much as I expected. I think in all honesty I feel kinda relieved. I have a very strong feeling that I am supposed to, against all my previous desires, begin a career job of some sort, or at least a more serious one, then I can really start saving up to take the Euro-trip I've always dreamed of. Pure travel, no responsibilities other than to enjoy myself and take the cities I visit for all their worth, and then return ready to "get serious" and settle down. So now I begin my search for my next great endeavor! I hope you're excited, because I will be dragging you through my adventures whether you're kicking and screaming, or enjoying it!

Today's Quote: "I know the plans I have for you, and they are good." Jeremiah 29:11

No comments:

Post a Comment