So for the longest time now, I've been trying to discover the source of these irritating mood swings, so I can stomp them out, and say goodbye to them forever! Which as we all should recognize/realize, isn't the way it works, nor what will ever really happen. It's not in God's design for our lives. In which case, the question becomes, "What do I do about them?" or, "How can I better handle them?"
This pair of questions have played through my mind like a favorite song I can't seem to forget, and as I was writing in my journal just moments ago, I had a fairly major breakthrough! Here is what I wrote -- it started with a prayer:
Lord, please help me achieve consistency.
(Something I am consistently asking for, as well as balance.)
I guess, the moment I stop being so resistant to my constant state of changing, is the moment I will be consistent, because the highs and lows, swinging of the pendulum, will lose its power over me, and I can/will live in peaceful acceptance.
Hmm-Hmm.. yes, this must be one of the final stepping stones to me fully accepting myself and loving myself:
Accepting and loving the fact I'm not always energetically or mentally the one I want to be. And not trying to overcome the "lows" through the "power of suppression," but instead, just going through them with a smile, knowing I traverse the plains with God, and that it's a temporary period.
I like this! <3 I think it'll work!
And I do believe it will work, because for the longest time, I tried to deny the existence of these periods in which I am not so full of Love and Light, as to not give them more energy and make them greater. Which is silly, as I know and believe, "What you resist persists." So really, that was never a good practice to try and uphold. Instead, I must learn to accept and love this ever-changing and swaying parts of me, and know that just because I'm in a period of less love, doesn't mean I'm not still love, nor that I temporarily stopped carrying the torch of the Lord's Light (this is not possible, as He lives in me, and goes where I go).
Oh, how I love these mornings where I can just write, dive deep into myself, and let God reveal answers to questions I wasn't even meaning to ask! What a beautiful therapeutic practice writing is for me -- so many revelations come my way with pen in hand. I know writing is part of my destiny, and am thrilled by the opportunity to watch how it becomes a more prevalent part of my life. I've also come to grips with the fact I really do want to start a Youtube channel at some point, too, in spite of my fear of failing at it. But I think, I'd like to wait and do it before I begin The Adventure That Never Ends (the big backpacking/volunteer trip), because a travel-and-volunteer-based channel is more my thing than one in which I simply talk to you all. ***Coming Soon to a YouTube link near you!***
I hope you've taken some time to seek and Be inside yourself today. It's of the utmost importance in this world we live in, that makes us feel like simply sitting and breathing is not an accomplishment of any great sort. When in actuality, above all else, it matters most. Protecting your heart, and breathing deep breaths of gratitude, these are the keys the health and happiness. :)
I love you, world.
I can't wait to be roaming around free in you, exploring all there is to be explored, and letting the Lord deliver to me the people and places I'm meant to see! Ahh, what a lovely dream!
(And soon to become my reality)
Blessings, Love & Light from Above
PS. I'm getting a new tattoo today! Pictures and a post to come soon!