*Knock Knock* Who's There? LIFE.

Pretty funny joke eh? NOT. Today marks the first day of the spring semester for thousands of students everywhere, as well as a SERIOUS smack in the face from reality and my life. I knew all along that when today came it would really hit me that I no longer am a student, and that it's time to get my life going, but I didn't realize how directionless it would make me feel. I don't have work this week except for Thursday, I can't get into the gym until it's time for the girls' practice (as I am one of the assistant coaches), and  I don't have classes to attend, as we've previously reviewed. Conclusion: I HAVE NOTHING GOING ON IN MY LIFE!! 8-O Waaaaaaa!!!

So what's this almost-23-year old gal supposed to do with her time of nothing-ness? Get into some new shows that are On Demand of course! Alcatraz and The Finder are my chosen ones :) Alcatraz had me hooked before the first commercial break came on, with all of it's mystery, crime, and action; and let's face it, I am no way going to not be obsessed with The Finder when it stars Geoff Stults! Can you say hunk!? And it also stars, in the words of Chelsea Handler, one of my favorite Chocolate Chunks, Michael Clark Duncan. But real talk, my goals for the day are to finish my application for the North American Language and Culture Assistants in Spain (finally...), as well as seek out other employment opportunities (those that are more along the "career path").

This week is officially a wake-up call to the fact that that whole phrase about today deciding tomorrow is more flipping true than I could have ever imagined. I've always known that whatever I'm currently doing is the status of my life, but now I really realize it. Me sitting here on my couch watching the first episode of The Finder is absolutely no way close to making a right step towards a positive future. I am not sleeping tonight until I finish my Spain app, and accomplish a couple more tasks of productivity on my to-do list. I also really need to figure out this whole gym thing.. I wonder if I can be a spin instructor without being a trained instructor? Guess there's no time like the present to find out, huh? ;)

I am taking things on with a whole new view on being productive. I think it helps knowing that everyone around me is being productive (ie. working, going to school, etc), so it makes me want to show that I'm not just doing nothing, but instead doing something! It's your life people, and you've gotta take a hold of the reigns and steer it in the direction that you want it to go! And I know for a fact I don't want mine going onto the couch everyday!

Today's Quote: "Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present." -Jim Rohn

Lost.

This whole game of life is quite an interesting one. We're born a beautiful ball of wonder and joy, with nothing in our minds other than all the colors, voices, and sounds around us. We can't talk, walk, and we can barely even express ourselves. Then as we grow up we learn how to crawl, which turns into walking (with the help of the most sturdy object around us), and eventually we can walk on our own, run, skip, and dance. Our whole lives consistent of chapters. For many like myself those chapters include pre-school, kindergarten, middle school, junior high, high school, college, and then. . .?

It is at this new, unknown, and unguided chapter that I find myself. Not sure of where I will end up, what I will do, who will be in my life, or if I will even be alive. I know that last one is a bit of a morbid direction to take things, but let's face it, I'm here to tell the raw truth. 

For many people out there, like my sister, they grow up knowing what they would like to do with their lives. They go through high school and apply to the universities that offer the best programs for their desired studies, and then go to college and study just that. Next comes graduating and beginning a career that they have always known to be "just what they wanted to do." But there's also a handful of us out there who know very little about what we want to do, and to be honest, for us it kinda sucks. Of course I enjoy the thrill of the unknown, but when the unknown is my entire future, it becomes a bit scarier. I think I would be more excited about the prospect of moving to a foreign country where I don't speak the language or know anyone, than not know in the slightest what my future has in store for me. 

I am a college grad who is still living in Chico (where I graduated), working a minimum wage job, part-time (and that's if I'm lucky that week). And since completing my studies in mid-December, I can't even tell you how many times I've had moments of, "What the fudge am I doing with my life!?" or "Is this really what I'm doing with my life right now!?" 8O =/ =E I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I currently can't seem to see even a sliver of it. My usual positive, adventurous, don't-worry-everything-will-be-alright attitude is failing to make an appearance tonight, and I can only pray that it will strike up again in the morning. 

The world we live in is a very large place. One that holds many opportunities, chances, and destinies. And while I "wait around" for mine to find me, I can't help but reflect back on all those that have come and gone in my life and wonder if maybe one of them was "the one." But then again, I suppose if the "right" opportunity has come and gone, it wasn't ever right from the start...right? I would like to believe that we all end up where we're supposed to be, doing exactly what we're intended to be doing, but the impatient side of me is flipping out that the next big thing in my life hasn't taken form.

I have tomorrow off and think it is time for me to begin writing the next chapter of my life. I can't sit here and wait around for someone to start doing it for me, they need to be busy writing their own! Alas, this blog has once again proved to be an excellent form of self-therapy! :) So now that I am beginning to see a glimmer of light at the end of one [of my] tunnel[s], I will bid you all a'due! Get out there and write your story! 

Because, "If you can dream it, you can achieve it." -Walt Disney

Reflect Without Regret

Since we are in a new year, I find it only appropriate to look back on 2011 and compile a little list that explains why life is so good. I am sitting here, up way past my bedtime once more (but then again, can I really say I have a bedtime now that my life is "in my control" and no longer dictated by school, or much of a schedule at all for that matter?), and I can't help but be overwhelmed by joy and happiness about the things I have done, experienced, encountered, and what is to come. The future may be uncertain, but if the last 22+ years are any indication of what's to come, I know there is no reason to have any fears. And while we may be five days into the new year, I would like to take a moment to thank 2011 for being oh-so good to me :)


2011 started on a cruise ship for my family and I, and I would have had no way of knowing what this year would bring for me. Some things like my last season of water polo and graduating from college were sure to happen, but I could never have expected that I would enter into 2012 with such clarity and calmness. I started 2011 with a heart overflowing with love, in a place it might never have been before. And as the spring semester passed, it continued to fill with love and grow, and I entered 2012 with a heart overflowing with a different but equally as wonderful kind of love. Yes, graduating and completing my final season of polo are sad milestones to have passed, but it is because of the following reasons that I reflect on 2011 as being one of the best I've had yet!

• I learned to love again; to really open my heart and just let it in, and out, without holding back or fearing the outcome.
• The water polo season wasn't our most successful as far as our record is concerned, but our friendships grew so much and are running deeper than ever before.
• I rang in the new year (2011's) on a cruise ship with family that I love, and that can never be bad (unless of course it's the Titanic..).
• When I thought my summer would be spent in Chico working as a lifeguard, I ended up snagging an internship at Disney's ABC! It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life, and I was finally able to move down to LA, a dream I've had since I can remember. 
• Meeting some awesome Germans outside of a club, who ended up becoming my closest friends of the summer, and people I still plan to see in the near future.
• Getting to hang out with my SoCal family of friends, who are some of my dearest, and my uncles that I rarely see due to the distance.
• Expanding my family of friends through Mike CHEXXX
• Running off to EDC Las Vegas and having one of the best weekends of my life
• Random trip to San Diego with nothing but the clothes (swimsuits/cover-ups) we'd been wearing all day at Venice
• Going to the Music Box too many times ;)
• Learning about and growing to love an industry I had never considered before
• Figuring out a little more about the things I like, and those I don't
• Too many good times and so much love shared between new friends, who became the best of
• Kaitlyn Tolin (Toke) moved into our house in the fall, and it became a home.
• Ilona coming to visit from Finland
• Rhoan coming to visit, and bringing some new Aussies into our lives as well
• Arthur coming to visit from France with his luscious curly locks
• Last minute decision to go to San Bern for Halloween weekend and driving, literally, almost the whole Cali coast from SF to San Bern. --Family Reunion w/ the McGeekersons.
• Not getting worked up over school and studies, but instead investing my time in relationships and making memories that will prove to be more beneficial than any lesson they try and teach in a classroom.
• Beginning a blog, that I will use to guide me through the rest of my days

And while there are so many other things, the one that stands out most (possibly because it is the freshest in my mind) is New Year's weekend. I still cannot get over how great it was and how much love continues to flow through our group (via Facebook groups, obviously;). It makes me think, if I feel this kind of love from my friends, then the love that God has for me must be the most overpowering thing in the world. I feel crushed its weight, but lifted up by its greatness all at the same time. And if a group of people can make me feel this way, I have nothing to fear because the love my God has for me is even greater and will carry me through everything! 


Now that I have, once again, released the positive energy and love that is within me out into the universe, I hope it finds its way to you and can help carry you through any hard time you might be facing! When things start to feel hard, just stop moving for a moment, take a deep breath, and say, "We can do it." It is something I have been practicing with vigor the last few weeks, and I have never felt more stable or guided. Sleep well my little loves, we will meet again soon :)


Today's Quote: "All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." -Henry Ellis

Word.

Reality, Check!

I am more than proud and excited to say that I only have one final remaining! Tomorrow morning at 10am I will be presented with the last college exam of my life!! And as I sit here at our student recreation center (Wrec), laptop open, trying to study for the upcoming final, I suddenly realized that my life as I've known it for the last 4.5 years ends tomorrow. But with that realization comes one that the rest of my life will truly begin tomorrow! Everything I've become used to as my reality will be changed and replaced. It's a scary thought, a strange thought, a confusing and unbelievable thought, but also an incredibly exciting one. But if I'm being completely honest, as I promise to always be with you, the feelings of excitement I used to feel are no where to be found at the current moment. They are replaced by feelings of fear and uncertainty. Fear that my life may not work out in the way I hope it will, and uncertainty because I know the things I want in life are among the biggest of all dreams. However, it is in my nature to believe that I can make anything happen and achieve whatever I set out to, so my optimism will return and I will be overtaken by the knowledge that I've held onto for the last few months: God has an incredibly big plan for my life. I do not yet know what it is, where it will take me, or anything that it might involve, but I do know that it is great and will be worth while. We're going to do very big things together and make a positive impact and change on this wonderful world He's created. 


And now that I've once again used this blog as a self-help/calming sesh, I will return to my studies. One of my roommates has hit the landmark I will reach tomorrow (completion of undergrad studies) and we are celebrating tonight! Which means I need to get all my studying in now so I can really let loose and help her celebrate the beginning of the rest of her life!


Today's quote is one that I use, and will always use, to help me stay on track and keep my ultimate goal in mind (ultimate goal being to make a positive change in the world, help people, and help guide the world towards peace and unity): "Be the change you wish to see in the world." -Gandhi 

Absolutely Wretched.

Alright, so I'm not sure why I am soooo incredibly bad at this whole blogging thing, other than to say that, I am living my life, and doing it in quite a lazy fashion. I will be setting a new goal for myself, and that is to write a new blog entry simply once a week (which in Allison-land, means we're lucky to get one every two). I am going to mark it on my calendar, and try to put out a new post every Sunday. Sunday will become my day of accomplishments (pending my weekly-changing work schedule). 

ADD Drift: Growing up I went to summer camp and we were instructed to create a "camp name." These names were supposed to include our real names somehow, but be creative and made-up. I went into the first day of my first year with no camp name, but was given one on my first night by a fellow, and might I add, more creative camper. She deemed me "Allison-Wonderland," coming from none other than "Alice in Wonderland." I never could have known how appropriate this would prove to be to my life, since I tend to live in "wonderland" and "Allison-land." And now back on track!

Update: Currently I am back on my ADD medication! But fear not, the ADD drifts and randomness that is my life will not fade! I have got to finish out the semester strong and focused, and trying to do so without my meds was proving not to be the wisest of choices. So it has been one week (perhaps two??), and I am not sure how much of a difference I feel. Although I'm sure it would help if I could remember to take it every day. Am I sounding like an 80-year old? Because I certainly have been feeling like one! My mind has left me and become a jumbled mess of fairy tales, dreams, and a constant shift in what I would like to do with my future. 

My current conclusion: Be a travel writer/blogger! And then form an organization whose purpose is to help other people and make a positive change/difference in the world!

I presume that there are many of you out there, hanging on my every word, depressed beyond belief when I take my 3 week leaves and give you nothing, but ecstatic and loving me right back once I give you something to read. (As we can see, I like to use my imagination, but hey, what is life without dreams!?) So it is you that I will depend on to help me gain fame and recognition, which will ultimately help me gain funding to do charitable work with my life. And as I have decided that there are without a doubt many of you out there wondering what I will do with my life, here you go! The following would be my ideal future (at least for the next few years):

1) Finish everything I need to for school and pass those classes! Included in this is to finally finish my application for Profex (being a teaching assistant in Spain).

2) Save tons of CHEDDA!

I have big plans and they are going to require some capital! I will be done with school in 3 short weeks, and plan to work full-time and save up as much as I can (for the rest of my big plan, of course)!

3) Leave in July for SPAIN! I will begin the hunt for an apartment, and get myself settled in. 

4) Attend TOMORROWLAND in BOOM, Belgium from Friday, July 27-Sunday, July 29!!! Now listen here faithful followers, this is the music festival of all music festivals! I know we in the U.S. have EDC, LovEvolution, Coachella, Ultra, and many, many more, but Tomorrowland is truly special. In a similar fashion to Burning Man, they create a whole new world. And since I plan to be living in Europe in the upcoming year anyways, I figure I might as well get there early, enjoy the European summer, and hit up one of the most epic festivals to hit planet earth!

5) Come October, I will (and please note, that here I would put "hopefully," but as I intend to make all of this happen, I will not be using that word, as it implies a chance of these glorious things not happening) be an English teaching assistant to some cute lil Spanish munchkins (not to imply they are of short-stature)! 

And finally, this will all coincide with my blogging. Which will be about the places I go, the people of those places, their cultures, food, and I will likely use an annoying amount of photos. I will use photos to depict the beauty of the places I see, as well as share some of the sadness. I realize that sharing sad images is not really a conventional way to gain a following, but I have a much larger goal and aspiration: WORLD PEACE.

Call me crazy, but I am determined to do what I can to help guide this wonderful world in a more peaceful and loving direction :) 

So within my traveling and what-not-ing, I hope to connect with people who have the common hope of making a positive difference in the world. (Attention TOMS and similar organizations: If you are reading this, I LOVE what you're doing and would love even more to be a part of it-- HIRE ME!?!)

And now that I have laid it all out, while I feel as though I could continue to write for a while, I will end this entry, and carry the joy of writing into a new day, not one that is 3 weeks away! 

Today's quote comes straight to us from Tomorrowland itself: "Yesterday is history. Today is a gift. Tomorrow is a mystery."

DREAM ON PEOPLE!!!!!