Well That Was Fast!

Ok, so I've just gotta take a moment here to give some major props to God, the power of love, the power of thought and manifestation, all good forces and wonder in the world, and maybe brag a little bit...

I've been doing the 5 Minute Meditations of Love & Gratitude (part of My Modified Daily Practice) for only three days now, but already, I'm reaping rewards and seeing the results! And while they're not exactly manifesting in the ways I'd imagined, they're affect is undeniable and glaringly obvious.

Here I talked about the whole 5 Minute Meditation idea, where it came from, and why I'm doing them, so I won't get into in this one. I'm short on time, I've already said it, and this post is mostly just to update you all on the progress and process, and tell you of the wild ways this is already working in my life. I will however do a quick recap on what it means...

The 5 Minute Meditations are a time when I sit and meditate for five minutes, with a timer, and concentrate fully on Love, then reset the timer, and concentrate fully on Gratitude. The Love one is love I direct to my students, coworkers, anyone that is involved in my workplace, and especially directed at the groups that are more "difficult". The Gratitude one is directed to God, and it's simply me running through things I'm grateful for, and speaking thanks to Him. It's always a bit different, and today to switch it up, I said it all in my head as a poem. I loved it. (And have decided to do the 5 Minute Meditation of Gratitude before the Love one, because when we are in a state of thanks, it makes love come more easily and naturally. So I figure my love will be even better if it's first charged with gratitude.:)

Anyways, like I said, this morning was only the third time I've done them, and just now, I read a text from the teacher I'm supposed to work with tomorrow, telling me the group we have at the first hour (8:15, the dreaded early hour) is on a field trip and won't be there, so I don't need to show up that early. But not just that, the group we should have in the fifth hour (12:14-13:45) is going to be taking a quiz that will take up most of the class, so there's no point in me going to that either! SAY WHAT!?! I'm freakin' out!

I freak out, because the second group I'm supposed to be with tomorrow is easily the most difficult group to deal with on an energetic level. So the fact I've been sitting in silence and speaking love into their souls the last few days, and now won't even see them, is strangely awesome, not a result I would have expected, and also, perhaps a sign I'm not quite ready for all that.

It's possible that God is giving me this extra time off, to deepen and continue this practice, so when I am with them next I have had more than just a few days under my belt. A lot can change and happen in three days, but five months of hardships can't be undone in just 18 minutes (in this particular case). So, thank You, God, for this little break and chance to keep up with it before I step into the ring again (something I shouldn't even say, because simply making a comment like that demonstrates I'm considering it battle, which will only cause it to be/remain the same). And thank you, Love, for coming back around to me!

I knew that this probably wouldn't change their behavior so much, but as Captain Jack Sparrow said, "The problem isn't the problem. The problem is how your attitude about the problem." So, I've been sending deep love to all of their conflicted teen souls, and the whole time, it's been getting ready to come back around to me and give me an unexpected day off work! Amazing!

Thank you, All There Is 

<3

Update on 11/03/2015:

I just got home to read some messages from another teacher I'm meant to have two hours with tomorrow, and she forgot I was supposed to be with her, and has an exam in the classes, so I don't start at 8:15, but instead at 12:45. Seriously...this is unreal. Meditate Love onto anything that's giving you a hard time, it cannot persist if you do. That I swear!

Blessings, Love, Light & Wonder to all you magical Beings out there,

I adore you, I cherish you, I love you

-Allison :)

Internal Turmoil

Written November 27, 2014

I try to be as positive as possible in most situations, push away the negative thoughts and feelings, and try to find the light in all. I trust and know that everything happens for a reason, and that truly, in every situation, no matter how ugly it might seem, there's a blessing to be found. And I normally try not to write about anything "negative" that's happening, because I don't want to give it more energy and strength. But, I think it's a little fake to only put out the pretty, and every once in a while, I've gotta let the struggle out. And right now, I'm reflecting on the work week that's about to come to an end, and I'm not afraid to say, "This week has been a really hard week for me."

On the one hand, there have been so, so many big, obvious blessings delivered to me. But on the other hand, and in spite of it all, I've had a couple days where I was feeling so passionless and unmotivated. I found out both my jobs end in May, meaning I can go travel with my grandma, mom and sister/take the month of June to travel, and still move home right after my Kinesiology course finishes in July. Which is cool, because I've been struggling a little bit with wanting to do a final trip for a few weeks (month) when the year ends, but also feeling like I should just get home and be with my grandma. Now, because of this blessing, I don't have to make a decision! And, I found out that the gal who's taking over the academy classes I was supposed to, is going to start them sooner than expected, meaning that I will not be as crazy-stressed-&-stretched-too-thin as I've been waiting to be! Yay and praise God on both counts!

So how could I possibly be feeling unmotivated and like I'm leading a life without passion in the midst of all these amazing revealings? (Input welcome.)

Perhaps, it's because what goes up must come down. But I generally choose to refute that when it comes to my emotional state. :) Perhaps it's because I got overly-stressed with everything I'm trying to do/doing. But I was definitely working more hours last year, and didn't feel as crazy. It could be any number of things, but I'm pretty sure it's a combination.

I'm choosing to believe that it's
1.) Because I've figured out what I want to do with my life, and it's causing me to feel overwhelmed at how much I think I might have to do to get where I want to be, as well as a little anxious/ready to just get on with it. Since I'm quite a passionate person, it's difficult for me to know I'm dedicating so much time and energy to something that isn't my primary source of passion.
2.) Because I've gotten quite tired, and when I get tired, I make unhealthy eating choices, etc, etc, etc, I am not loving myself, therefore I cannot love others, and every one of my students becomes the enemy.
3.) I'm a bit tired of giving so much of my time and energy to people who sit without appreciation, making fun of everything and everyone, and just generally being unmotivated about many things that involve much personal depth. As well as tired of the personal conflict I feel in contributing to the school system, when it's not exactly a system or a way that I support and/or believe in.

In any case, I had some really tough days, and decided to let it out on the page. I've got all my faith placed in the hands of God, and am choosing to now, more than before, say the "negative" things with confidence, trusting He'll take care of me no matter what!

I hope that your weeks have been bright, and your spirits high, after all, it's the season to smile! 

Blessings, Love & Light to all you lovely freaks and fairies out there!

My Big Four For Balance

My beloved, budding page has gone untouched for a solid amount of time now, and it's time to get back to it! Things picked up around here, and the rainstorms started, causing internal laziness and more blanket-and-bed-prone aspirations, while work was telling me, "Hahahah!! Yeahhh...right. Get up, girl! You've got meetings with the parents on Friday, and progress reports due next week. You don't have time to just hang out by the heater and snuggle with yourself." So I didn't. ....for the most part.

The thing about working two jobs, is that you kind of have no choice but to become somewhat of a workaholic. Your weekdays generally consist of little other than your morning routine, (which for me is a HUGE part of my life -- devotional, prayer, meditation, yoga, breakfast. I actually only need about 10 minutes to get my appearance together, it's all the getting ready I do within that takes the time), getting yourself to and from work (shout-out to all my people in LA who have got that morning commute grind to suffer!), working, and eating, usually while simultaneously working, or at least thinking/planning for one of the jobs.

When a new friend was asking me about my hobbies, I was so blocked by work, that it was the only thing I could think of to bring up! I said, "Well, I work a lot... and I usually eat lunch in between my two jobs. . ." And then he said, "So eating is your hobby." It was perfectly acceptable, because he is Roman, and food is just about the best hobby you could ever have, but still, the fact I didn't even think about the weekends just goes to show you how engrossed I have become in the worklifeflow.

And last week, I finally realized (/admitted to myself) I am actually a workaholic. Which is ironic, because I "fled" the US so I could avoid going down the path I saw most everyone else following -- work/status[aholic], engaged, married, children, and big dreams of traveling the world. But I guess that's kind of the way it works out, isn't it? The thing you try to escape, is usually what catches up to you. "What you resist, persists."

And so, here I find myself, in one of the most desirable places in the world (Spain has been selected as the fifth best country to live in, and Andalucia the best part of the country, especially, Sevilla), and I am constantly thinking about, planning for, or doing work.

Luckily, I have developed passion for my job as a teacher, and I really do enjoy it. And, if anyone were to look at my life from the outside, they would say I'm pretty dang lucky. Heck, I look at my life from the inside AND outside, and tell myself I'm pretty stinkin' lucky. But teaching is taxing, and man, let me tell you, it's been an amazing practice in... wait for it... yep, yep, one of the things I've ALWAYS said I have a hard time with applying in my life......

BALANCE!

(Big surprise there, huh?)

Who'd have thought that not only would I be trying to ditch out on a life based mostly around work, just to end up in one like that!? Especially in another country as an English-teaching-expat! And also, not only would I end up with a brain full of lesson plans, vocabulary games, grammar techniques, verb tenses, and explanations, but I'd be learning one of the most necessary lessons I needed to learn in my life: how to balance it all. (Can I perhaps suggest this was part of God's plan for me, and why He kept calling me back here?) And I've gotta say, I think I have become pretty good at this!

I figured out pretty early on that with teaching, planning ahead is everything. Really, it is. If you are trying to plan your lessons in the minutes available before you have the class, it's probably not going to work so well. Unless you're a seasoned vet, it's best to plan ahead. When you're a first-time teacher, using the materials and books for the first time, and refreshing your own English language knowledge yourself, planning ahead, namely looking at the material beforehand, is a crucial part of your survival.

Another huge part of finding, and maintaining, balance when work is the largest component of your life, is to really let yourself take a break. When you go on vacation, hit the weekend, or have a little break between jobs, it is so important that you really let yourself take your mind off work. Don't even let yourself stray to it! If it starts to happen, stop yourself, you can always return to it when it's not your personal time.

When I went home for two weeks, I was sitting in church on Sunday morning, having arrived in California less than 12 hours before, circling words in the bulletin that I wanted to teach my First Certificate students, because I thought if they could work it into the speaking part of the exam, it would raise their scores. I was thinking about ways the pastor could simplify his sermon so that everyone could understand it (not remembering that everyone around me had grown up with English), and freaking out that he was speaking in "such a complicated way." (Really, it was just a native way of speaking English. Nothing too advanced or fancy, but in my mind, knowing how an ESL student learns, I was like, "Ohhh noooo, they aren't going to get any of this!! Wait! Stoppp!!")

It was then that I decided I wasn't going to let myself think about work for the rest of the time I was home. I would talk about it with people, since I was home, and they would ask, and that's part of it, but I wasn't going to allow myself to think, "Have I got all my lesson plans made for the week we get back?" Or, "What games should we play/activities should we do?" I let myself have those two weeks without thinking about it. And if work started to creep in my mind, and I started to wonder if I had everything ready for when we returned, I'd stop myself mid-thought and say, "You are on vacation. TAKE THE VACATION!! Everything is fine. You have time when you get back to Sevilla to check it out. Right now, you NEED to vacate your mind. Enjoy where you're at, and especially what's going on." And I did!

And since I've been back, I've been implementing this same method. If I am at the weekend, and I start to think too much about work, I just remind myself that I've got it all planned ahead, at least one or two weeks, and that right now, it is essential to take this time off to enjoy life, and enjoy other things than the classroom.

So my bottom-line is this:

1. Wake up early. No, a little earlier than that. It's likelyway earlier than you want to, but just do it. And do your morning devotional, journaling, prayer, meditation, yoga, and movements. Make a big breakfast, and eat it as fast as you need to to make it out the door on time (apologizing to your body the whole time for shoveling food into it and then immediately proceeding to exercise by biking to the metro), but make sure you eat it. The day requires energy, and you can't give it your all if you're starting empty.
2. Plan ahead. For me, I work two jobs, Monday-Thursday, and I have some spare time between the jobs. So I dedicate myself to focusing on work, and almost only work, on those four days of the week. I get my lesson plans done, papers graded, games planned, and photo copies made, and then I reward myself with three days to vacate my mind and not think about it.
3. Eat right. You cannot feel good about yourself if you're treating yourself like a trash dump. And as a teacher, or any other job where you are constantly in contact with other people, and the pace is quick, you have got to love yourself, or you can't love those eager or bored faces in front of you.
4. Allow yourself not to think about it. Really, don't do it. I can't stress this enough! It's so important to make yourself take a mental break from thinking about work. If you don't, you're consumed by it. And for a lot of people these days, that means being consumed by something you don't necessarily love. 

So those are my Big Four For Balance! All our lives, habits, and needs are different, so find what works for you. But I promise you, the "vacate your mind" one, applies to us all! And in reality, all of this post is written in such irony, as I currently have a "puente" (long weekend, from Thursday to Sunday), and one of the first things I did this morning was start writing about work and being obsessed with it. Whoops.

But now, it's time for me to take my own advice! I know I've got all my lessons planned for at least the next week coming up, and with four different couchsurfers, from four different countries, all coming to our place for varying nights from tomorrow to Monday, I could do myself a great service by spending an hour or so doing some yoga before a tapas-filled and touristy weekend commences!

Work your tail off when you're working, but relax your face off when you're not. Life is all about finding that sweet balance between give and take, and for many of you, you're approaching the weekend, which means it is time to take -- a break, a rest, a jog, a shot, a pint, a nap, a ride, a-whatever, just take it easy and get your mind off your work for at least a couple days!

Sweet, sweet Blessings to you all, and endless amounts of Love & Light!

Love to everyone, from the core of my being <3

The Start of The Rest of My Life

It's pretty hard to believe that the last three months (or the last two and a half years, depending how you look at it) have all been building up to this point right here and now... my departure and my return to Spain.

In less than 24 hours I will be in the air flying towards Chicago, where I will catch a flight to Madrid, and then fly onto Sevilla, the city that will become my new home for at least the next five months. I have been to Sevilla before, and know a few people there, but I do not have the friends there that I have in Northern Spain. I am going into this trip somewhat alone, only with the company of God and my thoughts to keep me entertained. I really am considering this trip to be the start of the rest of my life.

I graduated just over one year ago, took a couple months to diddle around and try to "figure it out," and then when I realized I was running out of money, decided it was time to take a path. After taking some interviews, I had jobs lined up at various places, and decided that I would accept one to become a Farmers Insurance agent. I was wanted in the Chico office, and interviewed in the Irvine office as well, because I wanted to move back down to SoCal. I was all set to start taking the classes and getting certified as an agent, when I walked back through the doors at the Disney/ABC Television Group and was offered a temporary job there. Fate!

The position I took was a 6-week job with the Communications Administration department (hires, rehires, office supplies and functionality, invoice processing and payment, and things of that sort -- the stuff that has to be done in order for the company to run and the people to get paid). The person I was filling in for was working in production for six weeks, so they needed a replacement for her replacement. Within a couple weeks being there, my boss approached me with another job opportunity in another department (Digital Internal Media aka Digital Internal Communications), which I accepted immediately. This job was to last until September, and had the potential to turn into a full-time position.

Well, September came around, and I found out the budget the department had been promised that would allow them to take me on as a full-time employee had been taken back by corporate. And so came the end of my days with DATG.

I applied for various jobs, interviewed for one, and was looking partial-heartedly for a new job in the company. I loved the people, and figured that since I am a total TV addict, I should be working in the industry. But I've never fancied myself as fitting in the corporate mold, so I didn't care to look too hard for ways to stay in it. It's fine for many, they enjoy it; they like the structure of it, the schedule and knowing what's next, working hard at something, and being a part of a bigger picture. I actually have a high level of respect for these people. They are hard workers, they are in a comfortable situation, and they have a direction. But I know many of them, and many of them are not there because they want to be, they are there because it's where they think they are supposed to be, or they have families to support, so it's where they have to be. But I cannot conform to all that, and I do not have the patience to work two years as an executive assistant, two years as a coordinator, and then hope to become a manager, director, vice president, and then an EVP. That's just not me.

I have always fancied being a person that stands out a bit. Not necessarily a person who is noticed, but a person who is different than the rest, so it is only natural that I would live a life off the beaten path. Maybe it's because I've grown up with a dad who's nature is comparable, and who always told me to "zig when they zag." Maybe it's because I have always felt inside of me that peace is achievable,  attainable, and necessary, and had the urge to make it happen. Maybe it' because I know without a reasonable doubt, that there is more out there, and that the life they want us to live, isn't the life that's best for us. Maybe it's because I want to make a difference, to help people, and change lives for the better. But more than that, maybe it's because I know I will and I can, and so I know it will be. Or maybe, it's everything combined. It's the person that God created me to be, and I'm not shying away from it, scared of it, or thinking it's not possible because society tells me it's not reality. I am going to make a change in this world, I am going to help as many people as I can to have a life with less suffering and more love! One by one I will affect people, I will show them love, I will remind them that there is good, great, and lovely in this place, and hope that the ripple affects will travel far and wide. I will get to know them, see their highs and their lows, figure out their deepest needs, and find creative ways to fill them.

I am 23-years old, and 22 hours away, from being on a plane, flying off into the distance, to go fulfill my destiny, and start the rest of my life. My mission, my life, my path, my goal, my journey... it all starts now.

My soul is fired up, geared up, and burning inside of me. I can feel the heat of my heart forcing its way to the surface of my chest and blazing out of it. I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen in my life, where I will end up, who I will meet, what I will do, where I will go, what I will see, or how long it will last, but I know with absolute certainty, that it will be great.

YOU CAN DO WHATEVER IT IS IN THIS LIFE THAT YOU WANT! Do not let anyone tell you that it's not realistic or wise, because what is real to one person, might not be real to the next. We all live our own lives, and are blessed enough that they intersect, but just because they intersect, doesn't mean they are the same. We are one, but we are all on different journeys. Do not be afraid to break the mold and take the bold move to a different kind of life. You will never, ever, ever be let down or disappointed. You will be surprised, and you will find yourself living a life you never dreamed you could. Make it happen, make your own reality!

Work/Life Balance

Today I officially began the process of moving into my new place. Well, I guess if we want to be technical about it, I got the keys a week ago today, but I haven't been back since or put in any work moving, so I'm starting this blogairy (blog/diary). I went over tonight when I got off work so I could Swiffer/sweep/scrub the place down before I begin to take over my belongings. Since there isn't any electricity, gas, or water, I was limited on what I could do, but not mentally. The OCD in me popped out as I began to envision where everything would go and how I would set the place up. I absolutely intend to take it from a studio to a one bedroom, but it's going to take some time. Since I have such extravagant plans for the next month, I will have to really figure out my budget so I can buy the apartment amenities that I absolutely need (ie. floor lamp, white Xmas lights, and rugs). I am thrilled about the idea of my new place, and can't wait to see how it turns out after it's gotten some TLC and a nice stylish touch.

This was quite a remarkable Monday for one other reason though.. Today, I LOVED my job. I was sent with one of my colleagues to a press junket for ABC Family's upcoming comedy, "Baby Daddy." My co-worker and I went so we could interview the talent and the show creator/runner/writer for an article for our employee webpage. He told me that he would interview the creator, but that I would be left to interview the talent. Mind you, I've never really interviewed anyone for anything, so I had a quick moment of "Oh my gosh, what!?" Luckily I am not a very intimidated person, don't tend to get star-struck, and am not otherwise socially inept, so it was really not bad, and the cast members were great. The guys (Jean-Luc Bilodeau, Derek Theler, and Tahj Mowry) were all very easy-going (and so very attractive) and had amazing chemistry, and Melissa Peterman and Chelsea Kane were charming as could be. But I will say, they were taking cast photos before they started the interviews, and sure the guys were nice to look at, but as soon as they brought out that baby, the guys disappeared and I was all-eyes-on-her. Talk about a precious bundle of joy, love, and adorable-ness! (Dear friends, please someone have a baby soon so I can love it, without holding any responsibility:) It was one of those days that makes me say, "I really love my job." And the kind of day that reminds me why I am doing what I do. I am looking forward to more exciting days!

Today's Thought: Never underestimate the power of positive thought and perseverance. If you let the negative and bad infiltrate your mind, body, and soul, then that is all that will come out and surround you. Channel the positive and the good, and everything around you improves and falls into place. :)

*Knock Knock* Who's There? LIFE.

Pretty funny joke eh? NOT. Today marks the first day of the spring semester for thousands of students everywhere, as well as a SERIOUS smack in the face from reality and my life. I knew all along that when today came it would really hit me that I no longer am a student, and that it's time to get my life going, but I didn't realize how directionless it would make me feel. I don't have work this week except for Thursday, I can't get into the gym until it's time for the girls' practice (as I am one of the assistant coaches), and  I don't have classes to attend, as we've previously reviewed. Conclusion: I HAVE NOTHING GOING ON IN MY LIFE!! 8-O Waaaaaaa!!!

So what's this almost-23-year old gal supposed to do with her time of nothing-ness? Get into some new shows that are On Demand of course! Alcatraz and The Finder are my chosen ones :) Alcatraz had me hooked before the first commercial break came on, with all of it's mystery, crime, and action; and let's face it, I am no way going to not be obsessed with The Finder when it stars Geoff Stults! Can you say hunk!? And it also stars, in the words of Chelsea Handler, one of my favorite Chocolate Chunks, Michael Clark Duncan. But real talk, my goals for the day are to finish my application for the North American Language and Culture Assistants in Spain (finally...), as well as seek out other employment opportunities (those that are more along the "career path").

This week is officially a wake-up call to the fact that that whole phrase about today deciding tomorrow is more flipping true than I could have ever imagined. I've always known that whatever I'm currently doing is the status of my life, but now I really realize it. Me sitting here on my couch watching the first episode of The Finder is absolutely no way close to making a right step towards a positive future. I am not sleeping tonight until I finish my Spain app, and accomplish a couple more tasks of productivity on my to-do list. I also really need to figure out this whole gym thing.. I wonder if I can be a spin instructor without being a trained instructor? Guess there's no time like the present to find out, huh? ;)

I am taking things on with a whole new view on being productive. I think it helps knowing that everyone around me is being productive (ie. working, going to school, etc), so it makes me want to show that I'm not just doing nothing, but instead doing something! It's your life people, and you've gotta take a hold of the reigns and steer it in the direction that you want it to go! And I know for a fact I don't want mine going onto the couch everyday!

Today's Quote: "Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present." -Jim Rohn