It is at this new, unknown, and unguided chapter that I find myself. Not sure of where I will end up, what I will do, who will be in my life, or if I will even be alive. I know that last one is a bit of a morbid direction to take things, but let's face it, I'm here to tell the raw truth.
For many people out there, like my sister, they grow up knowing what they would like to do with their lives. They go through high school and apply to the universities that offer the best programs for their desired studies, and then go to college and study just that. Next comes graduating and beginning a career that they have always known to be "just what they wanted to do." But there's also a handful of us out there who know very little about what we want to do, and to be honest, for us it kinda sucks. Of course I enjoy the thrill of the unknown, but when the unknown is my entire future, it becomes a bit scarier. I think I would be more excited about the prospect of moving to a foreign country where I don't speak the language or know anyone, than not know in the slightest what my future has in store for me.
I am a college grad who is still living in Chico (where I graduated), working a minimum wage job, part-time (and that's if I'm lucky that week). And since completing my studies in mid-December, I can't even tell you how many times I've had moments of, "What the fudge am I doing with my life!?" or "Is this really what I'm doing with my life right now!?" 8O =/ =E I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I currently can't seem to see even a sliver of it. My usual positive, adventurous, don't-worry-everything-will-be-alright attitude is failing to make an appearance tonight, and I can only pray that it will strike up again in the morning.
The world we live in is a very large place. One that holds many opportunities, chances, and destinies. And while I "wait around" for mine to find me, I can't help but reflect back on all those that have come and gone in my life and wonder if maybe one of them was "the one." But then again, I suppose if the "right" opportunity has come and gone, it wasn't ever right from the start...right? I would like to believe that we all end up where we're supposed to be, doing exactly what we're intended to be doing, but the impatient side of me is flipping out that the next big thing in my life hasn't taken form.
I have tomorrow off and think it is time for me to begin writing the next chapter of my life. I can't sit here and wait around for someone to start doing it for me, they need to be busy writing their own! Alas, this blog has once again proved to be an excellent form of self-therapy! :) So now that I am beginning to see a glimmer of light at the end of one [of my] tunnel[s], I will bid you all a'due! Get out there and write your story!
Because, "If you can dream it, you can achieve it." -Walt Disney