One thing that's striking me as fairly hilarious, is that I keep thinking of how I'm doing with this, things I'm thinking or feeling, realizations that are coming to mind, and my first thought is to go share them on social media! Then I realize, I've cut myself off and can't.
There is no feeling of sadness, disconnect, or isolation I'm experiencing thus far, but I do find it strange that, in spite of having very good friends at my disposal via Whatsapp (a communication app, much like texting, but that runs off WiFi and data plans), my first instinct is to share news with a larger, more distant audience. Is it for the likes? Is it for the notifications? Is it to get input from more people? Is it to try and demonstrate myself? Is my Ego that much in control of me? Or, is it simply that this has become the habit? I figure it's a heady combination of them all, in one way or another.
I am at an emotionally, mentally, and energetically draining/confusing/difficult time right now, and felt that Facebook had somehow become a major contributor to it all, which is why I decided to temporarily deactivate my account. Now, shake your heads in shame all you want, but when I say this next part, you know, as well as I do, that you'd likely do it the same way, or at least can feel for me...
My Deactivation Adventure is only going to last about 2 1/2 weeks, because my birthday is the end of the month, and to be unabashedly honest, there are few things that make a soul soar like reading through numerous heartfelt birthday messages and comments. Even the ones that are generic somehow count, because they saw your name on the side, and decided you were worth the moment it'd take to write, "Happy birthday!" (**insert smiley face here, maybe**) The last few years, I have been brought to tears, and gotten more rowdy than a gospel church while reading through them, and that's not something I want to give up. Especially not now, in my "state of crisis." So, in time for my birthday, I shall reactivate, check in with the world, and then potentially, deactivate again for a long time.
I have been wanting to delete my account entirely for at least three or four years, but since I had so many friends in other countries I wanted to keep in touch with, didn't. And then, when I moved abroad, I often read from my sister, mom, and grandma, that they pretty much only knew what was happening in my life because of Facebook. (Truly sad, but truly true.) So I haven't deleted myself from it's toxic throws, because I genuinely use it to keep in touch with certain people while we're living hundreds or thousands of miles apart.
Of course, there's the argument I constantly consider of, "Won't the people who're really meant to be in your life be in it no matter what?" And yes, I do believe this to be the case, but I also know, that if it weren't for Facebook, I wouldn't have reconnected with or met so many of the amazing people I have in the last year. For example, I wouldn't have been able to reach out to my Norwegian friends whom I hadn't seen for four years, and tell them I'd be in their country, enabling us to meet up, and me to actually be hosted in Oslo; nor would my new Portuguese friend have been able to contact his Norwegian friends to hook me up with a place to stay, or tell me within the last couple weeks that he's going to be a father(!!); nor would a former Couchsurfer I had (and friend) have been able to put me in contact with the people who hosted me in Brussels last weekend, and so on and so forth.
I live on both sides of the coin with this thing, but for now, one thing is certain: I want to enter my 26th year of life (which I'll do on the 26th, so, please keep it in mind;) with as clear a head and steady a heart as I can, and currently, Facebook wasn't helping me achieve it. So It's Out. For now. We'll see what happens with my mind over the course of the next couple weeks, but my hopes are high that I'll walk into my new year of life more centered on God than I've ever been, and more satisfied than I could imagine! Bring it on!
Blessings, Love & Light to you all
Who will actually see this, if I can't share it on social media?
Congratulations to those of you who were meant to read this post,
you have found it,
and it you.
Welcome, I love you