Monday, February 23, 2015

Deactivation Adventure: Days Ten to Thirteen

Considering that I logged back into Instagram yesterday and it told me my last post was two weeks ago, I assumed I'd been logged out and deactivated for two weeks. So, you can imagine my surprise when I just counted out the days, and realized today is only day 13 of My Deactivation Adventure. But it makes perfect sense that I would notice this and decide to write an update again, on Day 13. Thirteen has always been my number.

In all the sports I've ever played that required each player to have their own number (four in all), my number always ended up being 13. I didn't even realize this, until I had already been sporting the number in both volleyball and basketball for a season or two, then made it a point to always have 13 when it was time to pick numbers. There was one season of water polo at uni that I wasn't #13, and that's because it "belonged" to an older girl. So I had to wait out her graduation before I could reclaim my fame as #13. (How horrible is it, that now hashtags are so effing popular, I can't even write anthing with a number sign in front of it, without thinking I'm hashtagging something!? At least spell check doesn't recognize this word as being spelled correctly, yet. Yet. At least...)

I have been noticing a lot of little "coincidences" like this within the last week -- little signs or signals that I'm on the right track, things I think about and then they appear, number sequences that tell me something, or little things that match up. Right now, with the number 13, and then another strange one that happened to me on Saturday night...

On Thursday or Friday, I'd been thinking about a film. I was pretty sure I was mixing up two different films, but either way, I had a desire to watch it. Then, on Saturday night when I got home, my roommate was watching TV, and he flipped to a channel, and what do you know? The film, "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo," the one I'd been thinking about, was on and had only started 15 minutes before! (I did figure out through watching it I definitely was blending two films, and still have no idea what the other is, but it was TGWTDT I'd really been wanting to see.)

There was another thing incredibly similar to this that happened to me just a day or two before, though now I am at a loss for what it was. However, these little manifestations have been appearing and happening with great frequency in the last week, and I think it's because I have been working on healing my mind!

Yesterday I touched on the difficult time I've been having in one of my jobs. Now, I know that the mind is our most powerful tool in life, so I've known that I hold all the power I need to make this situation better: the power of thought. But I've been having a really hard time overcoming it, since the source of "negativity" is something I have to face at least twice a week. It definitely makes it harder to overcome something when it's constant, because you have very little time in between experiences to get your mind straight. But it must be done.

As I said yesterday, I am in my final three months here in Southern Spain, in these jobs, and in this chapter of Life Abroad, and I want to finish them well -- full of love and light, living up to my purpose of sharing it. In order to do that, I have got to get my mind right, and start putting out thoughts of love to all those who are making it hard for me to exhibit it. This is a choice I finally, forcefully made last week, and since....the manifestations have started to appear again.

It used to happen to me all the time, I could think about something I was in the mood for in one instant, and within a couple days, somehow it would come to me. Like with the film this weekend. But it's been a while since instant manifestations have occurred, and I'm certain this is a sign I'm on the right track, and going to see beautiful results over the next days, weeks, and final months. (Yay!)

I'm not saying that all of this is because I deactivated my Facebook and took a break from social media, but I do think it's played a HUGE part in getting my mind right.

Before, I was not centered around God at all, because when you're in love, you tend to revolve around the person who has captured your attention. This is beautiful, but it's not really that healthy. It's never good to put that much of ourselves into another person, or place such an expectation on them (to return what we feel/give), because they are a human, and they can never meet it. I don't say this to discredit people or say they can't be enough. What I'm saying is that I had reached a point of giving so much to another person, and wanting all I was giving and more in return, and no one but God can give me all the fulfillment, attention or love I need. It's just how He designed us -- dependent and empty, only able to be properly filled by Him. So while it's taken me really deciding to get my mind in check to make these changes, I know that I probably wouldn't have been so capable had I kept my social media active. Facebook had become a source of desperation, need, and somewhere I was going to try and find fulfillment that it could never, ever, ever provide. Deactivating was definitely the right thing for me to do.

I think I'll reactivate it sometime between this evening and Wednesday afternoon, but haven't really decided. There are some messages I'm anxious to send (since my mobile is generally without credit, I can't respond to a couple texts, and I don't want to leave them in limbo), and I feel so bursting with love, I want to share it with everyone. (I know it seems strange that I would turn to Facebook to share this love, instead of the people around me, but I plan to do both. I will channel this love into the lives of my students, but also, I have a lot of great friends I'm connected to on Facebook, and I love making a big post proclaiming love that can reach them all at once. It feels amazing to release love and admiration for others, then see the "like," which I take as a symbol that it's been received and internalized.)

So that's what's going on on this end! How are you doing on yours?
Feeling good, strong and capable of handling all that's to come? I hope so!

I wish you all the happiest of weeks, and hope that you do something good for yourself today, and every day!

Blessings, Love & Light

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