Deactivation Adventure: Summary

Last night I bit the bullet and reactivated Facebook. I'd made it just about two weeks (I say this to make myself feel better about not having been able to make it even two full weeks. But since I was only some hours shy of the 14 Day marker, I'm calling it like it is, "just about" two weeks), and was feeling pretty anxious to get back on it and drop some lines of love to some friends I've been missing loving on.

Interestingly enough, in the book I'm blowing through right now, Choose Yourself, by James Altucher (which I HIGHLY recommend reading, and will do a review of when I finish it later today), he even talks about Facebook being a good thing for us (weird, right?). In his chapter, How to Release the God Hormone, he is listing off different ways that we can release oxytocin (aka the happy chemical) in different ways that don't involve sex or child birth (proven to work for men or women). One of the things he says is, to release oxytocin in a nonsexual way, go on Facebook. Why does he say this? Why should we use Facebook to help release oxytocin? Well, I'll let his words explain it best...

I like to browse my Facebook time line and occasionally "Like" a photograph posted by a random friend from thirty years ago. I would never in a million years call that friend and say, "That was a real cute photo of your baby that you posted." But liking the photo is my way of connecting with someone that I felt close to at some point in my life [...] Guess what? Turns out, using social media in this way releases oxytocin. 

This is pretty much what I was talking about in this post here, where I discuss the fact that I appeared, to myself, to be more egotistical and self-centered at some point during My Deactivation Adventure, because of exactly that. I always "Like" and share positive content, so taking that outlet away, where was I to direct it? (And please don't answer, "The people around you," because yes, I'm aware of that, and putting it into practice as well. But this is a different kind of love.) And that's what I was craving last night.

I felt so amazing, so good, so full of love, and I wanted to share it. So I signed back in, which turns out is all it takes to reactivate, sent some sweet messages dripping in that good, gooey love (not that gross stuff you're thinking of), and that was that. Well, that was almost that. I also had a slight "panic attack" when I saw a post from someone, which brought back all the obsessive, desperate feelings I was feeling before I deactivated. Then I laid in bed, trying to fall asleep, feeling this intensity inside me, and also feeling like a crazy-freakazoid-stalker with an abundance of issues, who'd just throw out two weeks of self-work in an instant. I think it was just the first reaction from having logged back in. Some sort of a panic of, "What will happen now? Where does all this stand?" Today, I'm fine, and there's no signs of stalking. :)

Overall, My Deactivation Adventure proved to provide everything I was hoping it would -- an opportunity to work on myself, become in love with myself again (though a slight bout of egotism wasn't what I had in mind), and re-center myself around the one and only thing I want to be revolving around in this life on Earth: G O D.

(( Kind of how I'm feeling these days... MAGICAL ))

Have a happy, happy Tuesday! There's a lot to be grateful for!

This morning, before I got out of bed to even pee, I opened my journal and wrote a list of 20 things to be grateful for in the moment. Could have easily reached 100, but I was pressed on time.
Try it, and see which way your day goes!

Blessings, Love & Light to All

<3

Deactivation Adventure: Days Ten to Thirteen

Considering that I logged back into Instagram yesterday and it told me my last post was two weeks ago, I assumed I'd been logged out and deactivated for two weeks. So, you can imagine my surprise when I just counted out the days, and realized today is only day 13 of My Deactivation Adventure. But it makes perfect sense that I would notice this and decide to write an update again, on Day 13. Thirteen has always been my number.

In all the sports I've ever played that required each player to have their own number (four in all), my number always ended up being 13. I didn't even realize this, until I had already been sporting the number in both volleyball and basketball for a season or two, then made it a point to always have 13 when it was time to pick numbers. There was one season of water polo at uni that I wasn't #13, and that's because it "belonged" to an older girl. So I had to wait out her graduation before I could reclaim my fame as #13. (How horrible is it, that now hashtags are so effing popular, I can't even write anthing with a number sign in front of it, without thinking I'm hashtagging something!? At least spell check doesn't recognize this word as being spelled correctly, yet. Yet. At least...)

I have been noticing a lot of little "coincidences" like this within the last week -- little signs or signals that I'm on the right track, things I think about and then they appear, number sequences that tell me something, or little things that match up. Right now, with the number 13, and then another strange one that happened to me on Saturday night...

On Thursday or Friday, I'd been thinking about a film. I was pretty sure I was mixing up two different films, but either way, I had a desire to watch it. Then, on Saturday night when I got home, my roommate was watching TV, and he flipped to a channel, and what do you know? The film, "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo," the one I'd been thinking about, was on and had only started 15 minutes before! (I did figure out through watching it I definitely was blending two films, and still have no idea what the other is, but it was TGWTDT I'd really been wanting to see.)

There was another thing incredibly similar to this that happened to me just a day or two before, though now I am at a loss for what it was. However, these little manifestations have been appearing and happening with great frequency in the last week, and I think it's because I have been working on healing my mind!

Yesterday I touched on the difficult time I've been having in one of my jobs. Now, I know that the mind is our most powerful tool in life, so I've known that I hold all the power I need to make this situation better: the power of thought. But I've been having a really hard time overcoming it, since the source of "negativity" is something I have to face at least twice a week. It definitely makes it harder to overcome something when it's constant, because you have very little time in between experiences to get your mind straight. But it must be done.

As I said yesterday, I am in my final three months here in Southern Spain, in these jobs, and in this chapter of Life Abroad, and I want to finish them well -- full of love and light, living up to my purpose of sharing it. In order to do that, I have got to get my mind right, and start putting out thoughts of love to all those who are making it hard for me to exhibit it. This is a choice I finally, forcefully made last week, and since....the manifestations have started to appear again.

It used to happen to me all the time, I could think about something I was in the mood for in one instant, and within a couple days, somehow it would come to me. Like with the film this weekend. But it's been a while since instant manifestations have occurred, and I'm certain this is a sign I'm on the right track, and going to see beautiful results over the next days, weeks, and final months. (Yay!)

I'm not saying that all of this is because I deactivated my Facebook and took a break from social media, but I do think it's played a HUGE part in getting my mind right.

Before, I was not centered around God at all, because when you're in love, you tend to revolve around the person who has captured your attention. This is beautiful, but it's not really that healthy. It's never good to put that much of ourselves into another person, or place such an expectation on them (to return what we feel/give), because they are a human, and they can never meet it. I don't say this to discredit people or say they can't be enough. What I'm saying is that I had reached a point of giving so much to another person, and wanting all I was giving and more in return, and no one but God can give me all the fulfillment, attention or love I need. It's just how He designed us -- dependent and empty, only able to be properly filled by Him. So while it's taken me really deciding to get my mind in check to make these changes, I know that I probably wouldn't have been so capable had I kept my social media active. Facebook had become a source of desperation, need, and somewhere I was going to try and find fulfillment that it could never, ever, ever provide. Deactivating was definitely the right thing for me to do.

I think I'll reactivate it sometime between this evening and Wednesday afternoon, but haven't really decided. There are some messages I'm anxious to send (since my mobile is generally without credit, I can't respond to a couple texts, and I don't want to leave them in limbo), and I feel so bursting with love, I want to share it with everyone. (I know it seems strange that I would turn to Facebook to share this love, instead of the people around me, but I plan to do both. I will channel this love into the lives of my students, but also, I have a lot of great friends I'm connected to on Facebook, and I love making a big post proclaiming love that can reach them all at once. It feels amazing to release love and admiration for others, then see the "like," which I take as a symbol that it's been received and internalized.)

So that's what's going on on this end! How are you doing on yours?
Feeling good, strong and capable of handling all that's to come? I hope so!

I wish you all the happiest of weeks, and hope that you do something good for yourself today, and every day!

Blessings, Love & Light

<3

Deactivation Adventure: Days Six to Nine

I stopped doing daily reports on how My Deactivation Adventure was going, because it seems redundant to keep saying, "My health is improving slowly, but I'm still a bit sick, and I still really want to be able to go waste time on Facebook." Therefore, I took a break, and decided to write about some other stuff. But now I'm back to do a little update, since almost five more days have passed from the last little log.

I continue to miss Facebook 0%, but do still find myself wanting to go on it when I don't feel like doing any of the things I should do, or just want to kill a bit of time on the computer. However, whilst this may be what I'd really like to do, I press onward, happy as a clam without it, and though sometimes a little annoyed I can't, the feeling is fleeting, and I'm left turning to other, more productive things. Actually, I'm much happier this way.

Not enough days have passed without Facebook for me to forget about it entirely, and knowing I plan to reactivate it soon definitely doesn't help me "just forget about it". These factors considered, I'm not sure if this experiment will yield all the affects I want it to, but I could see how it would if this deactivation were to be for an extended period of time. Knowing this, I will likely give it a shot when my birthday has passed. Or, to be honest, the longer I go without it, and the closer the day approaches, the more I want to just skip right through my birthday comment blunder, and humble myself with some continued deactivation. (This being a result of the personal appreciation and love I'm gaining through not having Facebook to assist me in my self-assessment/daily judgement sessions. I find that I care less about seeing how many beautiful birthday notifications I get, because I am becoming more satisfied with myself in general, and therefore need the validation from/of others less. Which is awesome, because it was the intention! But I am starting to wonder if I'm becoming slightly more egotistical. To be discussed later...)

If I were planning to just leave my profile deactivated, not indefinitely, but nearly, I think it would free up a lot of mental space. I enjoy scrolling through the Newsfeed, popping open endless tabs of new photo montages, lists, articles, and trippy videos to sift through as much as the next person, but does that content actually enhance my life? Does it contribute any greatness that I could not otherwise achieve? I don't really think so. Because, while I may learn some things, a lot of it is simply reading for the sake of being up to date on the topic, and since I'm in the business of trying to live a passion-filled life, much of it is just a way to participate in conversations I don't really care about having in the first place. (No, I do not agree that by choosing to not watch the news I am choosing to be ignorant, just as little as I agree that I am choosing to be stupid and close-minded by focusing myself on absorbing things of interest. I am here to maximize life, and that means dedicating myself to my passions, not trying to fit into any group or society.)

So, in the end, this thing I thought I couldn't survive or stay connected without, isn't sending me into a panic attack about losing all my friends, or causing me to fear my family has no idea what's going on in my life, nor any of the other irrational things I could have anticipated upon deactivation. In fact, a few friends have already reached out via email or on the phone, because they wanted to send me a message but couldn't find me. Now these are the friends I'd like to keep around -- the ones who notice they can't get a hold of me with the quick, simple, ease of dropping a message on Facebook while they happen to be on the site, and actually make the effort to contact me in another way. The ones who want it badly enough, they're willing to work a slight bit more to make it happen.

Before, I wondered how I'd keep in touch with many of my friends without Facebook, since it's our main means of communicating. Well, now I see how, and now I do agree that the friends who you're meant to have, will be in your life with or without this Socially [Dis]Connecting Site no matter what. Yes, I can absolutely say, I'm a fan of the deactivation!

Give it a try if you so dare to, I promise it'll be quite revealing. ;-)

Sending love and light to you all, and wishing you a very blessed day!

<3

Deactivation Adventure: Day Five

Can I just say, it blows to be sick, staying at home in bed or on the couch all day, and not be able to go on Facebook! I mean, seriously, I couldn't have timed this worse!

I don't really know what happened between Friday afternoon, when I was hyper-productive and dancing around the house, and yesterday, when I felt like my head had doubled in size due to congestion, but my burst about being better was certainly short-lived. I understand that if the congestion is in the chest, then it must come out through the nose and mouth, so I'm aware that's what's happening, but my goodness, I want to be healthy again!

Last night, a few friends came by so I could paint their faces for Carnaval, and when one of them plugged in her phone, she unknowingly flipped off the surge protector. This caused my clock to go out, and instead of resetting the time when I plugged it back in, I decided not to worry about it till later. Well, later turned into today, and since I sleep with my phone off if I don't need the alarm, I had no idea what time it was during the night. Which is why I woke up at 12:45. O_o Couldn't believe it.

But in spite of the 12 1/2 hours I spent in bed last night, I am still tired today, and I am tired of watching things, but don't know my brain is really in the mood to do Italian homework, study Food, Nutrition and Health, The Human Body as a Machine, or my new book about plant medicine. Thank God I found Ratatouille on Youtube! In short, I just really want to go on Facebook, and take some comfort in stalking the lives of the people I love. Maybe seeing all your smiles will help me heal faster? Boo-Hoo, bad timing.

Anyways, that's pretty much all I've got for right now. I think I might try to do something more productive than hunt down free, full-length movies on Youtube and rewatch "Horrible Bosses" and "Bad Teacher" for the 50th times. But I also kind of doubt it, based on how uncooperative my eyes are being right now in the Staying Open Department.

I hope you all have a nice, relaxing Sunday, full of goodness, and perhaps some God! ;-)

Love you shiners near and far!

Blessings

Love

Light

&

Healing

<3

Deactivation Adventure: Day Four

I almost didn't write anything today, because I don't feel that much has changed since yesterday. I still think about going on Facebook when I "have nothing else to do," and especially since I spent today at home healing, it would have been nice to have it to fall back on to kill the time.

However, I am grateful I couldn't. Because, instead of wasting three hours on Facebook or posting things on Instagram, I watched two sermons from Elevation, saw Special Forces in French with Spanish subtitles, therefore practicing my Spanish and French (for the day I actually begin to seriously study it), which resulted in a MASSIVE crying fest, and ended with me begging God to help the world, and asking Him why people do such things to other humans (it was a really good film, in my opinion, and probably blended with my I'm-Sick-and-This-Is-the-First-Day-of-My-Period emotions perfectly), and then some girlfriends came over so I could paint their faces for Carnaval. Which I was supposed to go out and celebrate with them, but bailed out because of my health/the wind/the fact I don't like drinking outside with massive crowds of people. So here I am, writing to you all, and potentially sounding far more pathetic than I intended to. I'm happy, that's what counts. :)

I wouldn't say the urge to go on Facebook is less than yesterday, but definitely less than last night when I was pretty much shouting it to myself comically. There is nothing I miss about it, other than it's ability to fill the time when I want to be occupied, but not really do anything useful. And of course, the lingering curiosity to know how many notifications there are there. Although, since it's deactivated, people can't even access me. Hmm.. wow, this adds a whole new level of relaxation to it all!

Now, knowing that the notifications aren't building up, I am even less interested to go on it. I know there are none, so it's not as though I'm missing out on anything by not checking it. This is great! A whole nother bit of weight has just been lifted off! Kind of like the moment you go on holiday, and then it really hits you: you have no where to be, nothing to do, and are totally free to flow how you want to, until it's over! Ahhh, what a nice sense of relief!

This just keeps getting better and better! ;-)

Carnaval in Las Palmas Gran, Canaria, 2010

Blessings, Love & Light to you all

I adore you

<3

Deactivation Adventure: Day Three, Part Two

This morning I wasn't even thinking about Facebook, and didn't have any interest in going on it. Well, now it's night, and that has changed.

I think it's because all morning/afternoon I was doing stuff around the house, off the computer, and not "where Facebook can be found" (I have long since deleted it from my mobile). But now that I've been doing things on the computer for the last couple hours, I've run out of things to look into for my future trips, and it's time to study a bit, I just keep saying, "I want to go on Facebook."

I've known for a long time that it was a page I would use to kill time and procrastinate, and now I am so glad I have eliminated the option for myself. It forces me to get over my procrastination faster, and on with the things I should do.

So thank you, Allison, for forcing yourself into higher levels of productivity. >.<

I love you, no matter what. (And I'm actually really glad we're doing this.)

<3

Deactivation Adventure: Day Three

Ok, I am in an energetic frenzy right now (the good kind)! I feel like my old ADD self, flying around the house, trying to organize/clean my room, do laundry, clean the house, and take care of a million things at once, each one sparking a new idea or leading to another little project I start doing, only to remember 15 minutes later what my original thought/intention was, go back the first one, and then begin again the cycle of starting new things, and being surrounded by 10 partial projects. Of course they'll all get done, just not with all my concentration on the same one at the same time, and with many little breaks to do weird things like write, dance, twirl, chat, etc.

This has always been the way I do things. You should see me when I'm moving out of/into a new place -- it's madness. It would probably drive a lot of people insane, and make them feel like they're not getting anything done, but this is how I function, and it's been working for me the last nearly-26 years. I'm in no hurry, I've got time, so why be intense about it? Nahh, let's just dance, chill, wobble around, and enjoy the craze! Crazy-unconventional ways of mine, with you I continue to thrive! (And the random and heady outbursts of laughter, dance sessions, costume parties, and silly moments that come along with it I'd never want to trade!)

Anyways, onto the point of this post! Though I guess to share my joy and excitement with you all was/is also a huge part of it... Today is Day Three of My Deactivated Adventure (from Facebook & Instagram), and honestly, I haven't even wanted to go on it once! They say it takes about three days to break a habit and get past the "hardest days", and I guess that statistic actually does apply to me when it comes to social media (it never seems to have applied in the past when I've quit certain things). Woo!

Also, my physical health has improved drastically, even just from this morning! I didn't go to work at the high school today, because last night I was told I could stay home and heal if I needed to. I woke up 15 minutes class was supposed to start (plenty of time to throw on clothes and get there in time), but was/am still having a pretty hard time breathing, and since Mother Nature decided to deliver today, there were some new, added pains in the mix. But in comparison to how I felt yesterday, well, let's just put it this way: I just got done having a semi-wild solo dance party around the house... yesterday, just walking down the stairs left me gasping a bit, and making it to work was kind of like crossing the Sahara. Cheers to natural healing remedies!!!

Naturally, everyone's first reaction when they saw my state-of-being/speaking yesterday was, "Have you gone to the doctor?" And their second reaction, when I told them that, no, no I hadn't, nor was I going to, was, "That's not good. You should go to the doctor." Yeah, sorry, no thanks. I'm not against doctors, I actually happen to know some future ones I love very much, and have a mother who is a pharmacist, but I am not keen on walking to the hospital, to have to wait for an unknown amount of time, to see someone for less than five minutes, that is so over-worked and burdened they don't even have time to look me in the eyes while we speak, and can only think about getting me in and out as fast as possible, so they simply write me a prescription and send me off to wait in yet another queue, in another place I've had to gasp my way to, so I can spend my money on something that's probably got some sort of toxin in it anyways, and isn't guaranteed to work. And it doesn't matter to me if my health care will cover the expenses of seeing the doctor. I just don't want to. That is a last, last resort in my life. (Now accepting any/all tips on how to naturally overcome asthma!!!)

Instead, I popped by to visit my friend, who is an herbologist, and ask her what I should take. In her store she had this MIRACLE medicine, that I swear, without it, Vitamin C, and this Composor 13 of garlic and thyme (a liquid, you put 25-30 drops into a glass of water three times/day and drink it), there's no way I'd having been dancing 10 minutes ago, or dancing on my bed right now as I write this (thank you, AC Slater on soundcloud!).

It's called S.O.S. Active, and it's a 60mL bottled blend of (in Spanglish) ginseng, propolis, gelee royale, echinacee, and natural fruit juices blended with honey. They come three to a pack, and you drink one throughout the day, for three days. It's designed for chest congestion/related pain, and sore throats. And it tastes deliciousssss! So much so, that I have to tell myself as I'm drinking it, that it's meant to be taken throughout the day, not all at once like a shooter.

(Thiiiiiisss stuffffffff)

So yes, overall, my physically condition is improving at a fairly rapid speed, and my mind is just soaring with goodness! I feel so much more re-centered around the things I want to be focused on (God, God, and more God), and couldn't be happier I've decided to take this break from Facebook and Instagram. (Although, there are sooo many things I want to share via IG. lol. Soon, soon.) It's been especially cool, because my The Human Body as a Machine and Health, Nutrition and Food courses via open2study are really interesting, and giving me a lot to learn/focus on. Yay for learning!

That's All For Now, 

just wanted to check in and tell you how great this experience of deactivating has been for me. If you're feeling overly-stimulated/stressed, I'd highly recommend taking a break from your online social life -- really helpful!

Looooove, love, love, love, love, love, loveeee to you all! Wish I could huggg you! Imagine that I am -- I am!!

Blessings, Love & Light

AND 

E N E R G Y

Sooo much good energy!!!!

<3

Deactivation Adventure: Day Two

So naturally, since I've started to heal my mind, everything else is falling back into place, even though physically I'm deteriorating; with clouds and cobwebs in my chest and an incredibly sore throat. But that being the case, since now I'm feeling right as rain about myself and have my normal confidence level's coming back, I thought, "How silly to have deactivated my Facebook over all this. It was always my problem, of course, and now it seems so ridiculous to have taken it 'to the extreme' like I did. I feel completely better already, so maybe, I'll just reactivate and get on with a socially interactive online life!"

NO.

I may be feeling way better already mentally, but I know that this is probably just Satan trying to get me to go back to social media sooner than I'm really ready to. It happens this way a lot when we make a decision about something that we think/know will be better for us in the end -- we have our first 24 hours of success, start to feel stronger or "completely healed," and then think, "Hey, yeah, I can handle that. No problem! Let's just go right back to what was contributing to our unhealthy state," .................less than two days ago.

I mean, come on! Where's the logic in that? We may feeeel clear-minded and bright-eyed, but honey, I'm pretty sure that whatever it was that was getting you so down and messing you up so much can't be cured in just a day. That first day is just the beginning, so if you stop now and just go back into the old ways thinking that your "new mind" will take you through the same stuff as before but better, you are slightly twisted in your thinking.

That'd be like a drug addict stopping for one day, feeling like, "YES, I can! I am!" and then deciding to go to a party with all their old friends who do drugs, because THEY feel strong enough to say no. Not going to happen. (Take it from someone who has been trrrrying to quit smoking weed for the last five years, and has hardly liked it at all in the last nearly-12 years they've been doing it. Doesn't matter how many months I'm off the crap, I get around certain friends, those old habits kick back in, and before I know it, I'm sitting on the couch thinking, "Gosh dang it. Why did I smoke? I don't even like it! Ok, this is definitely the last time I'm smoking. The final test has been taken. I keep trying it, hoping I'll like it and it'll do something good for me, but nope... always the same. I. Am. Done!" ...till the next day the whatever-it-is gets passed my way, and I'm right back to that mental game of Foosball. [But hey! Proud to say I haven't smoked in almost two months, and that I truly am through with that not-serving-my-higher-self-or-purpose-stuff!!! Friends, please don't even try to pass it to me. I'm out!]) And that is exactly what is happening now with Facebook.

I was told I could go home when I showed up to work this morning, because I think I probably look about as bad as my throat/chest feels, so after finishing watching an AMAZINGLY PERFECTLY ALIGNED sermon at Elevation, the first class of my online Food, Nutrition, and Health course (open2study is a free, online resource full of cool courses to take!), and a ridiculous amount of BuzzFeed videos on YouTube, I decided to take a nap. You know what I dreamt about during my nap? I couldn't believe it when I woke up and remembered, and was freaking out in my dream when I had completed the act entirely unconsciously...

I dreamed I went on Facebook. 

My gosh, talk about shame! Yes. Yes, yes, I actually was dreaming I just signed on Facebook, was commenting on stuff, liking things, I had two notifications, and then, when I was clicking out of the page, I remembered, "Oh my gosh, I deactivated my account! That was just yesterday! I didn't even make it one day before I went on without thinking twice about it! How could I not realize that till now??" And so began again my thoughts of, "Maybe I should just stay activated now."

I can't wait to step into my 26th year of life on Earth after this 2 1/2 weeks break from all the input. And you know what I'm realizing? How many flipping times a day I would just go over to Facebook, because I was already on the computer, and didn't know what else to do. Now, I'm writing more on my blog, something I've been wanting to for the last three years, and I think, pretty soon, I'll start using the time to practice the banjo, juggling, poi-ing, and Italian! Awww yeah, this Deactivated Adventure is the one for me! ;-)

Love you all

Shine bright

Shine strong

Smile often

Live long

<3

Deactivation Adventure: Day One

It's been less than six hours since I deactivated my Facebook, signed out of Instagram, and uninstalled the app from my phone. Clearly not long enough to feel any withdrawal symptoms, but long enough to notice changes in my behavior, and be given time to observe it.

One thing that's striking me as fairly hilarious, is that I keep thinking of how I'm doing with this, things I'm thinking or feeling, realizations that are coming to mind, and my first thought is to go share them on social media! Then I realize, I've cut myself off and can't.

There is no feeling of sadness, disconnect, or isolation I'm experiencing thus far, but I do find it strange that, in spite of having very good friends at my disposal via Whatsapp (a communication app, much like texting, but that runs off WiFi and data plans), my first instinct is to share news with a larger, more distant audience. Is it for the likes? Is it for the notifications? Is it to get input from more people? Is it to try and demonstrate myself? Is my Ego that much in control of me? Or, is it simply that this has become the habit? I figure it's a heady combination of them all, in one way or another.

I am at an emotionally, mentally, and energetically draining/confusing/difficult time right now, and felt that Facebook had somehow become a major contributor to it all, which is why I decided to temporarily deactivate my account. Now, shake your heads in shame all you want, but when I say this next part, you know, as well as I do, that you'd likely do it the same way, or at least can feel for me...

My Deactivation Adventure is only going to last about 2 1/2 weeks, because my birthday is the end of the month, and to be unabashedly honest, there are few things that make a soul soar like reading through numerous heartfelt birthday messages and comments. Even the ones that are generic somehow count, because they saw your name on the side, and decided you were worth the moment it'd take to write, "Happy birthday!" (**insert smiley face here, maybe**) The last few years, I have been brought to tears, and gotten more rowdy than a gospel church while reading through them, and that's not something I want to give up. Especially not now, in my "state of crisis." So, in time for my birthday, I shall reactivate, check in with the world, and then potentially, deactivate again for a long time.

I have been wanting to delete my account entirely for at least three or four years, but since I had so many friends in other countries I wanted to keep in touch with, didn't. And then, when I moved abroad, I often read from my sister, mom, and grandma, that they pretty much only knew what was happening in my life because of Facebook. (Truly sad, but truly true.) So I haven't deleted myself from it's toxic throws, because I genuinely use it to keep in touch with certain people while we're living hundreds or thousands of miles apart.

Of course, there's the argument I constantly consider of, "Won't the people who're really meant to be in your life be in it no matter what?" And yes, I do believe this to be the case, but I also know, that if it weren't for Facebook, I wouldn't have reconnected with or met so many of the amazing people I have in the last year. For example, I wouldn't have been able to reach out to my Norwegian friends whom I hadn't seen for four years, and tell them I'd be in their country, enabling us to meet up, and me to actually be hosted in Oslo; nor would my new Portuguese friend have been able to contact his Norwegian friends to hook me up with a place to stay, or tell me within the last couple weeks that he's going to be a father(!!); nor would a former Couchsurfer I had (and friend) have been able to put me in contact with the people who hosted me in Brussels last weekend, and so on and so forth.

I live on both sides of the coin with this thing, but for now, one thing is certain: I want to enter my 26th year of life (which I'll do on the 26th, so, please keep it in mind;) with as clear a head and steady a heart as I can, and currently, Facebook wasn't helping me achieve it. So It's Out. For now. We'll see what happens with my mind over the course of the next couple weeks, but my hopes are high that I'll walk into my new year of life more centered on God than I've ever been, and more satisfied than I could imagine! Bring it on!

Blessings, Love & Light to you all

<3

Who will actually see this, if I can't share it on social media? 

hahaha... 

Congratulations to those of you who were meant to read this post, 

you have found it, 

and it you. 

Welcome, I love you 

<3

2012, A Year To Remember

This morning when I went on Facebook, it gave me the option to see my 2012 in review. Naturally, I clicked it to see what it would say, and the following items were what I was shown:

• The photo album I posted after last year's SnowGlobe Music Festival (NYE in South Lake Tahoe)
• The day that Steven and I became Facebook friends after we met at said NYE festival
• My birthday on February 26 when many beloved friends of mine wished me well
• When I started working at the Disney/ABC Television Group in March
• A glorious trip to Vegas that I took with some of my closest to see Bassnectar and celebrate my birthday, my birthday twin's birthday, and our Papa Bear's birthday
• The end of the job I started at DATG in March, and the start of a new position there
• Photos and video from Coachella with the Famaree
• Photos from the utterly life-changing Lightning in a Bottle experience that I shared with some of my favorites, new and old
• Photos from my fifth and last EDC in Las Vegas
• A funny "Brotip" that I shared that states, "Ladies, guys are sick of hearing you ask where all of the "nice guys" are. They're in the friend zone, where you left them." (So true, by the way.)
• The end of my other job at DATG
• Posts about this year's SnowGlobe Music Festival
• The making of Steven and my relationship "Facebook Official," and it's end
• And the assortment of friends I've added, and pages I've liked

Overall, looking at the year 2012, I see so many good times, with so many dear friends. I am so blessed by the experiences that I've had and the people that I know and have met. I need to remember to say thank you to my Lord far more often than I do. 

Now, because I tend to view things from multiple points of view, I see the amazing life that I have lived and been given and am thankful for it, but at the same time, I see an array of experiences I've had before. 

I love music festivals and music, but do I want all my years to consist of just that? No. While they bring to me a new love for life and remind me that there are peaceful people out there like myself, I know that I want more than just that. With the exception of my jobs and having a boyfriend, Facebook could only find music festivals or raves to show me as highlights of my year. I want more! 

So it is with great joy, overflowing joy, that I tell you that I have finally acquired the final pieces of the puzzle that I needed in order to go to Spain and return to my European life! (Which is even better news, because as I was searching for alternative job options in case I couldn't go to Spain, I realized that none will work for my wild spirit and I just yet.) I am overjoyed and cannot wait to return to the life I have felt pulled to for years. I couldn't be happier, and I haven't felt so right about something in quite a while. Praise be to God! 

Today's Thoughts: I can't wait to see what my "year in review" for 2013 will look like! I have a feeling it's going to be a year I am incredibly proud of. God's plans for us are so much greater than our own. We will never understand His timing, but we must trust it, and not worry, because in the end, everything works out, and if it doesn't, it's not the end. 

Facebook -- Money Hungry

I am so tired of companies and people putting all their energy into making money. When did people stop caring about other people and start caring only about making a pretty penny? It's a total load of crap, I think, when most companies say they are doing things "for the people," or "in the best interest of our customers." I bet my bottom dollar (which after this move, is more like 52 cents) that somewhere in there they are getting a HUGE payday for whatever "good-for-the-people" decision they're making.

Facebook is my prime example. Do you REALLY NEED TO MAKE MORE MONEY!?! Do you really need to provide kids under 13-years old the capability to access all the crap, creeps, and freaks out there more than they already have at their typing little tips!? What happened to the good 'ol Facebook days when it was just for college students, or even when it was for college students and above? Granted, I made my account when I was a senior in high school, but it was because I was going to be going to college in the coming months. Now, my grandmother, pastor, cousins, people's pets, and little kids are running around in this cyber world for adults -- it's insanity!

There is so much crap out there on the Net for people to access, and kids these days have it hard enough growing up with all these societal pressures they're under, does Facebook really need to add to it? An online personality is generally a fake personality. It's a space where you have total control of the content that you put out and that others see about you. You can create yourself however you want to be -- touch up your photos so you look perfect, figure out just what you want to say, and how, so it can be perceived by your readers, and for crying out loud, in the "About Me" section, how often do you read things like, "lazy," "rude," "inconsiderate," or any other negative attribute? We only highlight our benefits, completely ignoring all the shitty things about ourselves.

If Facebook opens up its cyber-doors to under 13's, not only will they have the pressure to conform to all the images that society wants it to, but they will have to worry about their online image as well. That is way too much pressure for someone to deal with, especially someone who has puberty right around the corner -- my goodness, that's pressure enough!

The bottom-line is this: Facebook, you already monopolize the social media world as it is, and just because going public[ly traded] turned out to be a total backfire, doesn't mean that you should try and compensate by opening your distracting service to everyone and their mother (literally, and grandmother, and pets, and dead relatives). Let's take things back to what they're really about, loving one another and taking care of one another, not polluting one another's lives with more garbage than necessary.

Okay? Thanks.

Today's Thought: Is unnecessary considering this whole post was one.

Onl!ne 3/&(@^!#$

Today's topic has stemmed from a current assignment I have at work -- to find hosted YouTube channels that we can use as a reference for our own sort of mini-video series. Through searching different YouTube channels I discovered one female whose name I cannot recall (but men, I suggest you try and find her, because she was pretty hot). In the video that I happened to see, she was talking about the subject of online expletives. It got me thinking about my own online swearing/"dirty talk" tendencies, and those of others, and fit so very well with things I have been seeing A LOT lately (especially with finals coming to an end for many).

I make it a point to try not to cuss in any life moments in which I am not driving in the car, alone. I apologize to God multiple times while I am driving because I tend to turn into a sailor, but I really do think it is unladylike for a woman to swear. Whenever I think about women swearing, I think about my mother, and how every single time a bad word comes out of her mouth (once in a blue, no RAINBOW moon) I not only know that what she wants to say is very serious, but I am shocked and appalled at how it sounds. She is a sweet angel of a lady, who I've pretty much put on a pedestal and categorized as "not capable of doing bad things." So when she drops a swear-bomb, I'm pretty sure that a fairy dies somewhere in the world. All of that being said, I really try to watch what I say on the online platform, although it gets soooo hard sometimes. (Let's face it, sometimes you just need to throw down a "damn" in order to emphasis your point -- that one being a terrible example of one of those times.)

Every single thing we say and post online is accessible whether we've taken all security and privacy measures or not. People can access what we put online, and especially if we are posting to Instagram, Twitter, blogs, or other open-to-anyone's eyes places, we rarely can control people's viewership.

Some people post EVERYTHING online. Every detail of their drug use, sex life, drinking problems, drinking habits, cheating habits, and anything else that is going on in their life. That, I will never understand, and it pains me that some of my friends do this. I saw a post made by a EDM page on Facebook yesterday asking people to fill in the blank of their status that read, "You know you're a raver when ______." Now, you can only imagine some of the things people wrote. Examples: "You're asking for molly." "You're rolling balls." "You don't sleep or eat for days." REALLY!?!

I'm not saying that I am totally innocent of never posting anything online that I shouldn't have; when I look back and see how I used to write to my friends on Facebook in high school, I want to go back in time and slap myself silly. But still, those days are far behind me, and I now try not to write, post, or share anything that I might not want an employer to see.

Bottom-line: People, think before you post. (Also today's thought.)