Thursday, February 12, 2015

Deactivation Adventure: Day Two

So naturally, since I've started to heal my mind, everything else is falling back into place, even though physically I'm deteriorating; with clouds and cobwebs in my chest and an incredibly sore throat. But that being the case, since now I'm feeling right as rain about myself and have my normal confidence level's coming back, I thought, "How silly to have deactivated my Facebook over all this. It was always my problem, of course, and now it seems so ridiculous to have taken it 'to the extreme' like I did. I feel completely better already, so maybe, I'll just reactivate and get on with a socially interactive online life!"


I may be feeling way better already mentally, but I know that this is probably just Satan trying to get me to go back to social media sooner than I'm really ready to. It happens this way a lot when we make a decision about something that we think/know will be better for us in the end -- we have our first 24 hours of success, start to feel stronger or "completely healed," and then think, "Hey, yeah, I can handle that. No problem! Let's just go right back to what was contributing to our unhealthy state," .................less than two days ago.

I mean, come on! Where's the logic in that? We may feeeel clear-minded and bright-eyed, but honey, I'm pretty sure that whatever it was that was getting you so down and messing you up so much can't be cured in just a day. That first day is just the beginning, so if you stop now and just go back into the old ways thinking that your "new mind" will take you through the same stuff as before but better, you are slightly twisted in your thinking.

That'd be like a drug addict stopping for one day, feeling like, "YES, I can! I am!" and then deciding to go to a party with all their old friends who do drugs, because THEY feel strong enough to say no. Not going to happen. (Take it from someone who has been trrrrying to quit smoking weed for the last five years, and has hardly liked it at all in the last nearly-12 years they've been doing it. Doesn't matter how many months I'm off the crap, I get around certain friends, those old habits kick back in, and before I know it, I'm sitting on the couch thinking, "Gosh dang it. Why did I smoke? I don't even like it! Ok, this is definitely the last time I'm smoking. The final test has been taken. I keep trying it, hoping I'll like it and it'll do something good for me, but nope... always the same. I. Am. Done!" ...till the next day the whatever-it-is gets passed my way, and I'm right back to that mental game of Foosball. [But hey! Proud to say I haven't smoked in almost two months, and that I truly am through with that not-serving-my-higher-self-or-purpose-stuff!!! Friends, please don't even try to pass it to me. I'm out!]) And that is exactly what is happening now with Facebook.

I was told I could go home when I showed up to work this morning, because I think I probably look about as bad as my throat/chest feels, so after finishing watching an AMAZINGLY PERFECTLY ALIGNED sermon at Elevation, the first class of my online Food, Nutrition, and Health course (open2study is a free, online resource full of cool courses to take!), and a ridiculous amount of BuzzFeed videos on YouTube, I decided to take a nap. You know what I dreamt about during my nap? I couldn't believe it when I woke up and remembered, and was freaking out in my dream when I had completed the act entirely unconsciously...

I dreamed I went on Facebook. 

My gosh, talk about shame! Yes. Yes, yes, I actually was dreaming I just signed on Facebook, was commenting on stuff, liking things, I had two notifications, and then, when I was clicking out of the page, I remembered, "Oh my gosh, I deactivated my account! That was just yesterday! I didn't even make it one day before I went on without thinking twice about it! How could I not realize that till now??" And so began again my thoughts of, "Maybe I should just stay activated now."

I can't wait to step into my 26th year of life on Earth after this 2 1/2 weeks break from all the input. And you know what I'm realizing? How many flipping times a day I would just go over to Facebook, because I was already on the computer, and didn't know what else to do. Now, I'm writing more on my blog, something I've been wanting to for the last three years, and I think, pretty soon, I'll start using the time to practice the banjo, juggling, poi-ing, and Italian! Awww yeah, this Deactivated Adventure is the one for me! ;-)

Love you all

Shine bright
Shine strong
Smile often
Live long


No comments:

Post a Comment